Young Writers Society

Hey, this is Cynder. I like your work because I'm hooked by the emotion. If I were to see if I can help in any way, I would say.. I think you should add a mini climax and end with a slightly more engaging cliffhanger. Maybe with a little setting added, to give it just that much more. The characters have a nice mysterious personality to keep the reader engaged so that is good. I have not read your chapters before but.. I would maybe add a date and setting to give the reader a futuristic approach.. or completely throw us off by saying there is no time gauge. It is up to you. I would also connect your chapters, as J.K. Rowling does in Harry Potter. She keeps you informed and engaged and still adds new elements every time. Other than that, I really enjoyed your work and I would like to read more. I encourage you to edit this and make it even better. I hope I've helped.

Hey!
I don't review everything I read. I know that's bad and that I should but I love reading and I often just don't have the time to do both. Last night was one of those occasions, I wanted to read and read the first piece of writing of interest to me, and read it quickly. Usually I wouldn't go near a chapter 7 if I hadn't read the rest of the story but I started to read this, just to get a feel for what it was like, and really loved it! I don't say that often but I honestly did!
I don't know these characters as well as I should if I had read your story properly, but I feel so drawn to them and as though I understand them, even in the short passage of text here. That's a great skill, you should feel very proud of yourself! I obviously don't understand what's going on exactly in this chapter but, for once, I found it didn't really matter, I still enjoyed it and couldn't stop reading. You write with an ease rarely achieved by even published authors, you're super, super talented!
So I decided to go back and read the whole thing, whenever I have five minutes! I read the prologue at least and I was very impressed again. You create suspense effortlessly and the idea is amazing, I wish I could've thought it up!
I know how hard it is getting someone to follow your story and getting reviews, I'm feeling this right now as I have my story on here but I will read and review everyhting you've written!