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Young Writers Society


16+

Cry Wolf: Chapter 3

by anabelsinclair


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter 3

The luminescent clock above Aubrey’s bed chimed six o’clock and he rolled out of bed with a sigh, reaching for the folded up sweats next to the pillow. He’d returned to the room barely three hours earlier, too keyed up to do much other than toss and turn while he replayed what he’d witnessed in his head. There was a traitor in the camp and as far as he could tell, everyone else was oblivious to the fact. Aubrey knew he would have to share this information with the Alpha one way or another, but felt almost certain that the older man would not believe him. It would be better if this news came from someone he knew and trusted…Silas.

Almost as though in response a pair of feet thudded behind the door, followed by a quick knock. For once, Aubrey was glad to have his morning interrupted by the drills. At least this was one person he could talk to and find a way to pass on the warnings. He opened the door without second bidding and stepped out.

“Hey.”

Silas was dressed for exercise as well. He grunted a response and turned away, not meeting the human’s eyes as he began walking off. Aubrey was surprised by this reaction—he would normally be gnashing his teeth against his handler’s teasing by now but there was not even a word from the other boy. They marched down the corridors, footfalls echoing grimly against the walls, while he fought the urge to say something just to break the silence. The teen might have been in the house for only nine days but a quiet Silas was disconcerting indeed.

They reached the gym doors, which the Werewolf swung open and walked through without pausing, leaving his charge in his wake. Aubrey walked in and looked around; everyone was present, including Blair.

“Hi Aubrey.”

He blinked distractedly and turned aside to Anita’s waving form. She was running on one of the step machines, sweat pouring down her face and arms, soaking the dark grey fabric of her tee and short shorts. He nodded with a smile, risking a half glance to Silas as he walked away. The other boy’s face was carefully neutral but he couldn’t linger; his eyes sought for the Alpha and he was startled to find Zander staring right at him with an almost feral expression.

What the hell?

Panic and dread shot through his system as every cell in his system went into flight mode. The way the older man was looking at him, it was best he act as submissive as possible. But it didn't make any sense. Aubrey couldn't figure what he could have done to deserve such hostility. He froze under the Alpha's glare for what felt like eternity until he simmered and looked away. Only then did the teen remember how to breathe.

What had set Zander off? He considered the possibilities. Had Blair been aware of his presence the whole time? If then, it was likely that he got to the older man first and the latter was working off that false information. How on earth was he going to convince him now? He made for the treadmill next to Silas’s, hoping to at least make eye contact with him but the other boy kept his eyes fixed straight ahead. Aubrey could feel anger bubbling to the surface—what was the deal with these people? He gritted his teeth and pounded harder than necessary on the treadmill, wondering why he even cared in the first place.

Right— the impending civil war, which Silas was his only hope of averting.

The session crawled by at a snail's pace and he could have cheered for joy when the pack began filing out of the room. He killed the machine as soon as Silas jumped off his and hastened to catch the Werewolf.

“Hey.”

Silas paused for a heartbeat and then kept on going, still not looking his way.

“Yo Silas I’m talking to you.”

Aubrey was getting a little infuriated by the silent treatment and acted without thinking. He grabbed the other boy’s arm and turned him around. “What is wrong with you, man?”

Silas stiffened from the contact and jerked away. “What do you want?” He crossed his arms and took on a bored expression, which only niggled the human further.

“I’d like to know why you’ve been avoiding me all morning, and what’s with the attitude?”

“Get out of my face, Aubrey. If you want someone to hang out and be all giggly with well then go find Anita.”

The teen threw a hand into the air in frustration. “Why are you so hung up about this Anita thing?”

An emotion flickered in Silas’s eyes but he deflected the other boy’s probing gaze. “Why are you so obvious about it? You were practically drooling over her this morning.”

Aubrey resisted the urge to drag his hair out by the roots. “She said hi and I said hi back; it’s not like we’re planning to jump each other’s bones or anything. Ain’t knocking on myself but I can tell when someone is way out of my league. Why would you think I have a chance with someone like Anita in the first place?”

Silence reigned for a few tense seconds while they glared at each other, and then Silas looked away with a harsh chuckle. “Why indeed? I forget that I’m dealing with a stupid meat boy.”

That did it for Aubrey; he was done with the Werewolves’ attitude toward humans, with Silas’s cryptic words and quicksilver temperament. He was fed up with the whole situation. He took a few steps forward, deliberately entering the other boy’s personal space until they were toe to toe. “Well bite me – you’re the one acting like a jealous little bitch-

Aubrey found himself flying several feet against the wall. He blinked into molten yellow eyes, while a low threatening growl filled the air. He was suddenly conscious of the fact that they were alone in the gym and no one would hear or respond quickly enough to his cry for help.

“Wait-”

Aubrey stifled a gasp as the Werewolf slammed a hand into the wall beside his head, effectively trapping him in place. He stood as still as possible, hoping to at least talk some reason into Silas.

"Silas, don't-"

“I’m trying to keep you alive, idiot, but you’re making it so difficult,” Silas snarled, showing more teeth than was strictly normal. He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes, removing his hand from the wall. When he opened them again, they were dark brown and full of indifference. “Whatever man.” He turned around and walked away, leaving Aubrey staring in his wake.

***

It is unfortunate that we could not be here for the funeral. However, we came as soon as I heard of the news. Joseph was someone I respected, and whose presence will be missed. Please accept our sincere condolences, Roland,” Flitchling murmured to the man sitting across the glass office desk. He responded with a businesslike smile, back ramrod straight, arms clasped almost menacingly in front of him.

Aubrey was still reeling from the fact that they'd travelled all the way to South Dakota in a matter of hours. Apparently, Elvensteeds were that good. Their first destination was a sprawling industrial complex owned by Roland Clearwater. He took a good look at the man sitting before them, taking in his stylishly cut suit and groomed appearance. Roland looked nothing like the sun browned, weather beaten man whose photograph had adorned the internment brochure. It was hard to believe they were father and son.

Thank you Mr. Flitchling for coming all this way to show your respects. My father was someone who had a way of making friends in every corner of the world. The family has received messages from people who say they knew him at some point or another. I’m sure you won’t be the last of them.”

Flitchling cleared his throat delicately and inclined his head. “Certainly not; Joseph Clearwater has touched many lives, both with the mundane acts of kindness and in the fulfillment of his duties as shaman. I wonder who his replacement shall be—he or she would be filling a position of high expectation.”

Roland’s already thin smile seemed to thin even further with that statement. “Well I’m afraid that the old ways died with my father. The Clearwater family will not be continuing with that tradition.”

Is there no one with the potential in the bloodline?”

Aubrey, who had not been really listening to the conversation, snapped back to attention with the note of tension that entered his boss’s voice. A quick glance at the Ylf showed a stiff position and clenched hands, betraying anxiety that the teen had never before witnessed.

Joseph and I disagreed on many things and the practice of the old ways was one of them. He believed in living in the past; I saw a brighter potential in walking toward the future.”

The words were spoken almost pleasantly but the room felt distinctly colder afterward. Roland sighed and gestured to the papers on his desk. “Thank you once again for your support but as you can see, it has been a difficult time for the entire family. I’m still trying to set my father’s affairs in order…” He trailed off and Flitchling got the message. The Ylf got to his feet with a smile, reaching out his hand for a handshake.

I understand, Roland. Thank you for speaking to us and once again, I am sorry for your loss.”

His last statements lingered heavily in the air, reverberating in Aubrey’s ears long after they’d left the office.

***

Aubrey groaned and slammed a pillow over his face. How was he going to look Silas in the eye now after their almost brawlfest in the gym? Flitchling never warned him about stuff like this when he practically threw him to the wolves. Where was that damned Ylf when you needed him? Then the teen remembered the other, bigger issue he had on his plate and jolted off the bed. Forget about the whole Silas angle for now, their collective goose was about to be cooked anyway. He walked out of the room and started down the corridor in the direction of the stairs.

Where would the Alpha be? Aubrey realized had he no idea where the others' rooms were located in the house. He was used to them just popping out from behind corners and, apart from Silas, none of them registered his existence anyway. He cringed at the thought of seeking the other boy so soon and decided to just ask the first person he met on the way. Aubrey got lucky at the foot of the stairs, where one of the girls was descending.

“Hey, you know where I can find Zander?”

She looked him up and down, nose crinkling in a sneering expression as she crossed her arms before finally replying, “What do you want with him?”

The teen fought the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m sorry but it’s private. Do you know where he is?”

Their eyes met and held in standoff for several seconds, tension coagulating in the air. He couldn’t be bothered to drop his gaze or care anymore. Being non aggressive with the werewolves hadn’t done him much good anyway. Eventually she looked away and shrugged. “Backyard.”

“Thanks.”

But of course she’d given him false information. Aubrey glared at the empty wooden seats and barbecue pit, feeling the increasing urge to smash something. What the hell was wrong with these people? Perhaps it wasn’t just Silas after all; it looked like they deliberately went around looking for ways to piss each other off. He sighed and went back into the cool house, hoping to cross paths with the she-wolf once more. Unfortunately, he crossed paths with Blair. His stomach jumped when their eyes met. Of all the people to walk into.

The bigger man raised an eyebrow as the human stopped in front of him. “What?”

Aubrey tried to keep his face and voice as level as possible. The last thing he wanted was to get this particular wolf on to him for any reason. “Um…is there a bathroom up here?”

The Werewolf looked nonplussed for a moment, but then shrugged. “Down that way, second door to your right.” He walked away without responding to the human’s murmur of thanks, disappearing around the corner.

The teen took a deep breath and then started in the opposite direction. Third time was the charm and hopefully the next person would be gold.

“Hey Aubrey!”

He stopped and looked around, relaxing when he saw it was Anita. “Hi.”

“I never see you up here, so what you up to?”

Aubrey figured it was okay to ask her for directions and so he shrugged. “Not much, just looking for Zander.”

“Zander, why?”

The note of anxiety in her question was unexpected but he quickly came up with a story. “It’s just that I’ve had this headache since yesterday and it won’t go away. It kept me up all night and I think I should go to the hospital.”

She made a sympathetic sound and moved closer, pressing a warm hand against his temple. “Aww, poor thing. And you’ve tried taking painkillers for it?”

A door opened and shut ahead of them just then, and he looked up to see Silas. The other boy’s eyes widened when he saw Anita but he turned around and walked back the way he came without a word.

“Y-yeah, Tylenol, Advil, nothing works.”

She shook her bouncy curls with a sigh. “It could be migraines, I know I get them sometimes and they’re a real killer.”

He bit his lip, schooling his face into an expression of worry. “Well…I think it might have something to do with my accident. The doctor said I had a bad concussion and things like this could happen. I just want to make sure everything is okay.”

Anita nodded and gestured behind her with one shoulder. “Well Zander’s in the game room. A bunch of them are in there.”

Aubrey groaned inwardly. The game room, of course. But that was where he’d also just seen Silas walk back into. “Thanks.”

“No problem. I hope you feel better soon.”

She walked away and he steeled himself before making for the room. There were about twelve of them in there around the individual game consoles, some sprawled on couches, watching the players.

“Yo come on, whip his ass man!”

He scanned the room for the Alpha and found him in the far end with the Xbox-360 crew. He walked toward them, ignoring the eyes undoubtedly following his movements and stopped next to the older man. Gradually, the hooting and yelling thinned into silence and Zander looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about…in private,” The teen added, hoping the emphasis would send the right message. Amber eyes pinned intently on him for a long moment and then the older man got to his feet, tossing his controller to the person sitting next to him.

“Finish him for me.”

They walked out to the hallway and Aubrey paused. “Look-”

The Werewolf hastily shook his head and gestured to beyond the glass doors that led outside. The teen squinted a little in the glaring sunlight, silently cursing the whole supernatural bunch for turning him into a mole.

“What’s it that’s so important?”

Zander’s words were terse and clipped, his expression bordering on impatience and annoyance as he stared the human down.

“Last night, I overheard one of your pack mates talking to someone. He’s planning to use the Bone totem to challenge you and take over as clan Alpha when the big full moon rises.” Aubrey let it all out in a rush, clamping down on the wave of nerves that rose up in his mind at the thought of how badly this conversation could go.

“What?”

“It’s the guy – Blair. I think he’s working with someone from another clan and their plan is to dethrone you and whomever’s called Leland-” He never got the rest out because the Werewolf suddenly hand him in a choke hold and slammed his back into the wall.

“You’re lying!”

Aubrey spluttered, hands desperately working on the fingers clamped around his throat. “Why the fuck would I make this up? I swear to you, I heard this guy – ”

“There is nobody in my pack called Blair, for one,” Zander cut in, eyes flashing dangerously. “Besides, why would I ever trust the word of a dirty human? This could be a trick from your boss; everyone knows you can’t trust a Fairy.”

The teen felt a stab of anger on behalf of the Ylf and wrenched harder until he finally succeeded at extricating himself from his assailant’s grip. “You came to us for help; we wouldn’t have gotten involved with any of this if not for you!”

The Werewolf chuckled harshly and shook his head. “How am I supposed to believe that none of the other Houses came to you before us? You could have been playing us the whole time while working for them. My father convinced me to take you in for insurance and here you are, trying to divide my pack.” He leaned closer with a growl and murderous intent in his eyes. “I should kill you now for even bringing up such a thing, but I’ve got better things to do than tangling with that worthless Elf.”

Aubrey reined in his temper, controlling the growing urge to lash back out at the Alpha. However, rather than take a submissive stance, he stood straight and glared the bigger man right back in the eyes. “Look, I don’t care about your Bone or your clan wars – all I want to do is get the hell out of this freak show in one piece. The big blonde guy is out for you and that’s all I know; do whatever you want to do, cos it ain’t my funeral.”

Zander looked surprised for a moment, but then quickly recovered and smiled coldly. “Well as a matter of fact it is, because guess when the big full moon rises?” He paused to relish the horror that reflected in the human’s widening eyes. “That’s right, it rises tonight. So, you’re gonna be the lone human locked up with thirty werewolves. I wouldn’t sleep too easy if I were you.” He stepped away and walked back into the house.

Aubrey swallowed and sank back on the wall, taking deep breaths against the nausea and taste of bile creeping up his throat. Tonight – they’d missed the deadline! That meant Flitchling did not figure out who had the bone and chaos was about to erupt among the werewolf Houses. He shut his eyes tight and began wracking his brains for a possible way of escape. The Ylf had warned him that there would be only one use for the medallions and he was sure his pack mates were going to be on super charged mode tonight. That left him with the remaining sunlit hours to make a getaway from the compound before the shit really hit the fan.

First things first, time to pack his few belongings. He pushed off the wall and made for the glass doors, walking into the cool interior of the mansion. The few minutes spent in the bright afternoon resulted in a shower of spots exploding between his eyes and he spent the next two seconds walking and blinking, only to collide into the person in front of him.

“Sorry man.” Aubrey looked up and froze, both from tension and the hard expression on Silas’s face.

“What the hell was all that about?”

He chuckled nervously, reaching to scratch the back of his head. “W-what are you talking about?”

The other boy gave him a cold look and dragged him back outside. “Don’t play games with me man, I heard everything you guys said. I thought you were the victim of a car accident.” The silence after his words were filled with accusation and the teen found himself looking down.

“Well…it’s not quite like that.”

“Yeah it’s not. Zander’s been acting distracted the past few weeks – he didn’t even sense me the whole time I was out here. I guess I now know why, but what I’d like to know is why a meat boy knows so much about our Bone totem.”

Aubrey hesitated, wondering how much he could trust the Eta. Was it possible that he worked with Blair? The way the blonde sounded, it seemed like he had support within the pack.

“I’m waiting.”

He blinked and took a step back because Silas wasn’t looking very patient. “Um okay, I work for this guy – Ylf actually – and we were asked to investigate the disappearance of the Bone totem cos it’s missing.”

The Eta crossed his arms, inclining his head to the side as he regarded the human from between narrowed eyes. “Ylf – is that like a fairy?”

“Sidhe,” Aubrey snapped in spite of himself. “But that’s not the point anymore. You already heard everything I told Zander and I mean it Silas, this Blair guy is gunning for the top spot. He’s going to use the totem’s power to defeat Zander.”

“Seriously Aubrey, there’s nobody called Blair in this House.”

The teen dragged his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Dammit I’m not making this up! He’s this blond big guy…Look, I can point him out to you. He was talking to someone on the cell phone and they were making plans.”

“First of all, what were you doing out last night?”

“…Well I was checking around to make sure the totem wasn’t here, to rule this House from the suspects.”

Silas threw him a look and rolled his eyes. “So what you’re trying to tell me is that someone is planning to challenge Zander tonight. But that’s kinda a lame reason to use the totem.”

Aubrey sighed and rubbed his face. “Well it’ll be a place to start; I mean, what’s stopping him from making new werewolves once he becomes Alpha? The guy was pretty preoccupied with weakening Zander’s family’s hold on the House. Come on man, you have to believe me. What would I gain by accusing some random guy with this?”

Silas looked up to the sky for a long moment before replying. “Fine, first show me the person you saw and then I’ll know whether what you’re saying is even possible.”

Relief flooded the human’s features for a moment and he gestured to the door. “Come on, what are we waiting for?”

They hurried back inside and the Werewolf gestured to the game room. “There are only like four blonde guys in this pack; two of them are in there. Okay, start eliminating.”

A quick glance around the room ruled out the occupants and Aubrey shook his head. “No this guy is big, really tall…”

The door behind them opened and they turned around, his words trailing off when the blonde walked past. “That’s him.”

Silas watched the figure walk around the corner and nodded grimly. “Okay I believe you.”

“What, that’s it?”

The Werewolf shrugged and gestured back to the corner. “That’s Bruce, not Blair, Bruce Dannen. Well it makes sense now; if anyone would be angling for top spot it would be Bruce.”

The other boy gave him a puzzled look. “So you mean none of this comes as a surprise. You expect him to challenge Zander.”

Silas shook his head with a sigh. “Let’s get out of here.” He reached for the human’s hand and started for the stairs leading to the basement. They walked in and Silas locked the door. “We don’t want anyone listening in on this; it’s bad enough that I’m sharing clan secrets with a meat boy.”

“Oh get over this meat boy thing already,” the teen snapped and he chuckled.

“Shut up. You’re a meat boy now and forever, so deal with it. On a physical level, Bruce is one of the few people in the pack that can stand next to Alpha. He’s not good at obeying orders and acts all high and mighty even though Zander can beat the snot out of him any given Sunday. I’ve always had the feeling that if he thought he could win, he would challenge the Alpha. There’s also his whole crush on Anita thing on the side too.”

Aubrey raised a hand to forestall his explanations. “He has a crush on Anita?”

Silas’s shrugged, his expression was blank and eyes unreadable. “More like he’s in love with her at this point. It’s pathetic sometimes, watching him turn to mush the moment she walks into the same room. Honestly I think she deliberately eggs him on just to drive Zander crazy. She’s just the kind of person to do that, set the bait and step back to watch the carnage.”

The other boy shook his head, growing more confused by the minute. “What are you talking about?”

“Anita is the Alpha bitch, idiot, and only the Alpha wolf gets to be with her. That means that any idiot who shows the slightest interest in her is setting himself up for a challenge with Zander."

Silence stretched following his words while Aubrey connected the dots. some things were now making sense. He smiled sheepishly at Silas, who merely rolled his eyes.

" So Bruce’s attitude and strength, coupled with crushing on her and being stupid enough to show it puts him in prime position. And now you say he’s getting his hands on the Bone.”

The amount of tension in his voice made the teen realize that the situation must be truly grave if his handler was this worried. He sank unto the edge of the bed and the other boy slumped on the couch. “That’s what I was trying to warn Zander about but he didn’t believe me.”

The Werewolf nodded in understanding. “I can’t blame him. What,” he added upon seeing Aubrey's's expression. “Well it’s one thing for an outsider to start telling you about the problems in your own house. Part of being a leader comes with trusting in his own authority, otherwise he might as well step aside now. The Alpha has to believe he’s got the trust and submission of his clan and he’s got to show it outwardly enough to convince his clan of that too. You might be the worst CEO in history but it doesn’t matter if everyone under you does as you say.”

“So you mean it’s all an act, and he really got my warning?”

Silas rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “How am I supposed to know, do I look like the Alpha? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. Either way, we’ll find out soon enough.”

Silence filled the air between them while the teen seemed to ponder his words. Eventually he glanced back to the werewolf. “What happens if this Bruce guy becomes the Alpha?”

“We’ll all get on our fours, tails down, and submit to his rule. But I don’t think Zander’s gonna take it lying down. He’s been the one in charge since he was a teen and a guy gets used to that. It might be a death fight between them.”

The words came out matter of fact but Aubrey couldn’t help shuddering at the gory images his brain helpfully supplied him with. “And that’s it, life goes on?”

Silas sighed and tucked his hands under his head. “Yeah, life goes on. I don’t know though, I’m kinda used to Zander being in charge. I mean, he’s hard sometimes but pretty fair with us. Bruce has a real mean streak…I really don’t know.” His voice turned bleak at that and the teen found himself fervently hoping his boss solved this mystery before nightfall.

He unwillingly allowed himself to think about the possible ramifications of their failure, both within the House of Tae and on himself.

What if Bruce did use the Bone to turn him into a werewolf? It would mean a complete change in his life, particularly so since this was a wholly different reality from the one he knew. What would Flitchling do? It didn’t seem like there was a cure for being turned by a werewolf. Would he have to live in this pack?

These thoughts continued to move in Aubrey’s head for a long time, but then he looked away from the ceiling and to the couch, suddenly aware of the fact that the other boy was looking at him, with a rather wistful expression. Their eyes met and both hurriedly looked away. He grabbed fistfuls of the sheets and hauled himself upright, still careful not to meet Silas’s eyes.

“Yo…about what happened this morning – ”

“Forget about what happened this morning,” the Werewolf murmured, abruptly getting to his feet and making for the door. He opened it, hesitated and then turned back around. “Look, I’m gonna try to talk to Zander again but I don’t know…whatever happens man, you stay in here.”

Aubrey nodded, even though he didn’t feel particularly encouraged by the other boy’s tone. “Sure.”


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Sun May 25, 2014 4:15 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



'He made for the treadmill next to Silas’s' - I found out recently that when a person's name ends in s you don't have to put the extra s for possession. You only need the apostrophe.

'“Yo Silas I’m talking to you.”' - Commas go around a name so 'Yo, Silas, I'm...'

'we came as soon as I heard of the news' - I don't think you need that 'of'

'in private,” The teen added' - no need for the capital T

'“What’s it that’s so important?”' - I think that 'What's' should be 'What is'

'the Werewolf suddenly hand him in a choke hold' - I'd presume that's a typo because you've written hand instead of had

'“Okay I believe you.”' - comma after 'Okay', I think.

'You expect him to challenge Zander.”' - this is totally your choice but I'd but a question mark there instead of a full stop.

'“Oh get over this meat boy thing already,”' - I'd put a comma after the 'Oh' and maybe some inverted commas around the 'meat boy'.

'dots. some things were now making sense.' - you forgot the capital S

'" So Bruce’s attitude and strength' - there's a little gap that seems to have sneaked in before the 'So'.

'What,” he added upon seeing Aubrey's's expression.' - I'm certain that this was a typo but you've made the expression a property of Aubrey's property :)

I really enjoyed the plot and the characterisation. I like how you've not made any of the werewolves particularly stereotypical and that they were playing XBox - but that at the same time there was a serious mystery unravelling that has the ring of a really good fantasy/supernatural story about it.
I think maybe you could mention some household items that the werewolves have. Perhaps an extra-tough toothbrush or a robot vacuum cleaner that picks up all the wolf hairs. I think it would make them seem more like a regular dorm and at the same time accentuate how different the werewolves are from the humans. Just a thought.

Well done! :)






Hi Biscuits. May I call you Biscuits?
Thank you for the R&R.
I think my problem is being inside the character's head and writing like they 'think,' rather than as they should 'speak'. But I will work on punctuation and grammar. Indeed, I shall!



ExOmelas says...


Yes, you may call me Biscuits. When I entered it at first I wanted Biscuits [space] BatchAvoy but the system was like eurgh spaces and flipped out so I had to squash it together :P



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Sun May 11, 2014 7:17 pm
Ventomology says...



Yo! I know I didn't review the last two chapters... sorry about that. But they were all so good! Anyway, I only have one comment for you today, and that is that you might be replacing names a little too much. 'The werewolf' and 'the ylf' are all good ways to keep from repeating names too often, but you may have gone overboard.
I can't wait to see how this all fits together!
Ciao!






Buggiedude,
I will try to tone it down with the substitutions. Thanks for the R&R



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Sat May 10, 2014 9:48 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Hey there Anabel!

I was so glad to see there was another chapter posted - it has been a while since I've been able to read any. And as usual, this chapter did not disappoint. :) Aubrey's character is shaping up quite the bit and I think he is starting to realize that this mission is more for him than it is for Flitching at this point. He is gathering so much information from the inside. I also really like Silas as a friend of his too. It looked like he was being pretty selfish and rude about the whole Anita deal, but as he mentioned, he was just looking out for Aubrey again. ^.^

There were one or two sentences without a capital letter or that could use some commas, but I wouldn't want to nitpick every little thing. So I'll take examples of some things that could use some correcting and help you out with them.

There was a traitor in the camp and as far as he could tell, everyone else was oblivious to the fact.


Commas! I felt there was the main problem with this chapter when it comes to punctuation. In this case I would add a comma after 'camp.'

Also, you use the three full stops a lot in this chapter. Which is perfectly fine. But when you do use it remember you need a space afterwards before you continue onto the next word, otherwise you are joining the two. So don't...do it like this. But like... this instead!

“Yo Silas I’m talking to you.”


More commas :3 One after Silas here. A good way to catch out where commas are needed is to read the chapter to yourself out loud, and see where you pause. Whenever you do, comma should be inserted there!

“I’d like to know why you’ve been avoiding me all morning, and what’s with the attitude?”


I felt like avoiding was the wrong word to use here since Silas had been alongside him the whole time... picking him up at the room and running on the treadmill beside him. Maybe ignored would be better?

“I never see you up here, so what you up to?”


I felt like the comma you have there should be a full stop, and that there should be a comma after the 'so'.

Hmm... Anita seems like a very thrown in there character because we only heard about her in the chapter previous to this one all of a sudden. I would add more description of what she looks like, because it might add to why or how she is so attractive over the other she-wolves. I was also saw a bit how she was suggestive when it came to Aubrey as well... but I think you should add more in there! Make it a little more obvious, overplay it a bit.

What would Flitchling do? It didn’t seem like there was a cure for being turned by a werewolf. Would he have to live in this pack?


Hmm... this seemed like the perfect place to show us some of Aubrey's thoughts in the next paragraph. Exactly how awful does werewolf life seem like to him? What would he miss if he was living in a pack, and what wouldn't he mind so much? I felt like that was a place where you could've opened up into a bit more detail, and it would've been nice to read.

The pacing in this is good. I am hoping we will get to know why the wolves are so annoying, even when it comes to simple things like directions as well. I think you've mentioned it enough times for me to want to know a good stable reason of it as well.

You're dialogue is amazing. Flows wonderfully into each other and sounds like a genuine conversation all the time. The story is progressing, and the time limit is brilliant. Adds a whole lot more suspense and thrill to it, because it pressures the characters. Keep up the fab writing, and as always, keep me updated!

Deanie x






Hey Deanie!
Thanks for the R&R, and being the editor I cannot yet afford to hire. (I'll leave a note in the foreword).
Definitely taken your pointers to heart and tweaking this work. I won't lie, I've had issues with Anita since she rudely interposed herself into the story. Perhaps I will channel my inner G.R.R Martin...
(Ah, you've found my weakness for ellipses.)
Thanks once again!




What will live longer, you or your words? Something to think about the next time you abandon a project...
— Omni