Young Writers Society

This is my honest opioin, I didn't think this was the best poem ever, but I did kind of like it. I just didn't understand the plot. Was it about a bunny or... You get what I don't understand right? I mean come on, it is kind of diffuclut to understand something like that right?

If this is harsh I am so sorry, but I just didn't think this was a right or good idea for a poem. I might be a good book or short story though. Just a segjustion.

I hope you write more poems to get better at them. Cause this one sounds like a started poem to me.

But just understand the fact that this review is coming from someone that literally stinks at poety. I mean really stinks at it.

I am wring my first poem now called Pretty Face, Ugly Heart. I don't think it is the best poem but it is at least a starter.

Well talk to you later.
Hope I helped.
Love,
Dogsrule5

I like it A lot. I can't promise you I actually know what idea you were trying to get across but I have a guess. I'm not very good at interpreting poetry so if I get it wrong you shouldn't feel bad anyway. I really love Alice in Wonderland and enjoy the idea of you morphing it into something new, something your own. If you want to know what I think it means then I'll tell you
Just one thing, the flow seems a bit off/

Haha, I can definitely feel the idea. I like the physical details you include, the descriptions of the location. I like especially the car parks out the window because mentioning that builds a sense of distance and space that opens up the poem so it's not just a poem about a person sick in a hospital room, but a person sick in a hospital room in a neighborhood with people going about their lives and driving cars and doing their own thing around this one person. I like that.

But... it's just that the wonderland thing feels kind of thrown together, like not tied down into the real meat of the poem, just a layer on top of it that feels cool. I mean, I admit it feels cool! I like the images of the rabbit hole, especially 'cause that's kind of how it feels to think about someone going down into death.

Maybe... if it were more literal? Maybe if these thoughts were at the funeral? Maybe there were other physical markers of Wonderland that would tie the ideas to the actual narrative? Like some flamingo lawn ornaments in the funeral or some cat smiling out of the tree; you'd have to be careful to not make it seem unbelievable, because that's a strength about this poem is that it mentions the fantastic but is rooted in reality.

I hope this makes sense!
PM me or leave a comment if you have any questions.
Good luck and keep writing!

Hannah