Non stop ticking in my head. Watching my sanity fall farther from my sense of a "safe haven". Falling deeper into the hands of darkness. I do not scream, I do not dare to stutter. For the free falling is all that I have to console me. The freedom of looking up at my past and looking down to my own demise. My only hope is to fall into the hands of love and breath one single thought. "Alas my sanity is safe once again" The falling never ended as days passed. The sun did rise for 123 days and the moon did set for 122 days. When the moon set for that 123rd night my heart and my mind took a plunger to the soul like a dagger to the heart. I felt as if my heart had taken the brunt of the pain. My mind a fuse box with just one good fuse left.
In time my mind regained its logic and my heart regained its blood. Just as newcomers to the city my heart and mind came into the world without a cent in their pockets. They thought about the vastness of the place they where in. How cold it felt. How lonely it seemed. My heart looking for another to beat with and my mind looking for another to think with, all my senses were trying to make sense of it all. But failure after failure my heart and mind were left to just wander around this huge city looking for a reason to come out of their shells. Yes mates come and Oh!, with problems of their own. But they too did not feel fit to commit. And me, little old me sitting here in the front row. I watch and try to enjoy the spectacle. Promptly the tidings changed and I am able to lay the pen to paper and write the words that make these girl shriek with emotion. Now I must examine to myself whether to continue or to wait for my clouds to settle. To wait for a ray of sunlight so that I may seek out the heart and mind that are so dear and close to my own.
As I see that pair that matches my own my mind tells my heart to beat fast and jump into sync with hers. I do this to find fullness all humans strive for, happiness. Now in this pursuit of happiness I do not know whether to postpone my plans or wait for the odds to turn my way. Maybe I will play my cards right and win the pot, or leave without a cent in my pockets. With no way to return home. Alas I feel invisible to the other and I do not whether or not I have a chance. Maybe I have a chance or maybe I do not, but the thoughts of a madman are never sane. The thoughts of a madman are simple. They are radical, romantic, and forever flowing with passion.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey! This piece is great.
I love the first part the best, mostly because of the metaphor about falling.
The content and points are solid and I wouldn't change anything there, but I couldn't help to notice too much repetition. For instance, you repeat ''heart and mind'' a lot or ''heart something....and my mind something...'' . I would try to use different words like: psyche, reason, sanity, soul, feeling, sympathy etc.
The ending is strong.
Moment
Hello,
i loved this piece of writing , it shows confusion , and giving yourself choices
" i do not know whether to postpone my plans or wait for the odds to turn my way"
"Now I must examine to myself whether to continue or to wait for my clouds to settle. To wait for a ray of sunlight so that I may seek out the heart and mind that are so dear and close to my own."
a beautiful contrast in choice .
but at the end how is being radical, romantic and forever flowing with passion simple !
He's a madman.
Whaaaaaaaa?????
That's what I think after reading this. You have got skills, you weave words together in such a way that I have to follow the strand your thoughts have spun even if it leads me down a rabbit hole where nothing makes sense and everything is perfectly clear.
I can't say anything to make this better because I don't even know if I understand it all the way. I really like how it ends.
# The thoughts of a madman are simple. They are radical, romantic, and forever flowing with passion. #
You have summed up what everyone is looking for in one way or another. We all want something radically romantic and over flowing with passion.
In the words of the Cheshire Cat "We're all mad here."
Way to go.
DG
Thank you so much!
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Hmm...interesting. I feel like this is a cuil away from most "mad men" writings, missing a shade of logic that most simply twist. (If you're not familiar with 'cuil', read this.)
Basically, what I'm trying to say is this. You've aimed for nonsensical, and you've done it, but in a manner that makes it feel like you're trying too hard. Your main character suffers from delusions of grandeur, but they just barely tie together. The character goes from falling (somehow) to loneliness to pinnacle love, all implying this greatness, while seemingly missing a beat in the mental thought train, even for a madman.
Also, one final comment:
Madmen do not know that they are insane. By acknowledging their insanity, they've proved they're sane.
Hope this helps!
Thank you! to give some context to this piece I wrote this YEARS ago. Back then writing was just a way to get my ideas out rather than focusing on the continuity of it. So my focus on the setting wasn't as good. Thanks for the insight! I will definitely use this review when I revisit this piece for a much needed rework.