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Corps of Recovery: Part 5

by Ventomology


It was on Tuesday when Rudi and Vinnia had their first lessons in magic. For one reason or another, they had been separated from their peers to be taught in a private setting, and it puzzled Rudi greatly. He wasn’t nearly as magicless as Vinnia, so why did he have to be here too?

Vinnia appeared to be thinking the same thing. Or, more like she was definitely thinking it. The moment she walked into Count Stephan’s classroom, she stopped, blank eyes fixed on a spot behind Rudi’s ears. “What are you doing here?” she asked accusingly.

“Private magic instruction,” Rudi said.

“You could have told me we shared this when you read my schedule for me.” Still fuming, she stomped towards a desk and fell into a seat.

Suddenly, the classroom door shut itself quietly. From who knew where, Count Stephan’s voice echoed into the room. “I have received word from your families that neither of you has ever performed purposeful magic before,” he said, “but just as a little test of wills, I’d like to see if you can locate me while I’m under this invisibility spell.”

Scrunching his face in worry, Rudi glanced around the room. Was there any sort of light distortion that might help him with this? A glance at Vinnia’s bored face told him that she didn’t care, and would be of no help even if she did see the Count. The bookshelves behind Count Stephan’s desk were still perfectly straight, and none of the desks looked diffracted.

“Is there any advice on how to go about this, Count Stephan?” Rudi asked. He’d given the entire room a thorough look-over, and he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“Hmm, I suppose you wouldn’t have much of a clue, would you? Why don’t you try closing your eyes? Listen instead of looking.”

Rudi tried, he really did, but all he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat. “I still can’t figure it out,” he admitted.

From her desk, Vinnia let out an exasperated gasp. “You’re not even trying, you oaf. Think about it. You’re a ten, and the Count’s a seven. Your will to see him could easily overpower any invisibility spell he casts.” She played with her bangs for a few seconds before falling exaggeratedly to her desk.

“You’re not one to give advice, Vinnia,” the Count’s voice echoed, “given that you don’t appear to be trying all that hard.”

She muttered under her breath before pretending to sleep at her desk. It was rather rude of her, Rudi thought, but following her advice couldn’t hurt. Eager to get this right, Rudi forced himself to think only of locating the Count. Eyes closed, his vision was black. Except for one little glow in front of Vinnia’s desk. Was that it? Rudi opened his eyes and pointed at the spot.

“You’re standing in front of Vinnia, right?” he asked.

Yawning, Vinnia clapped slowly. “Congrats. You found the Count.” She stood and stretched, knuckles cracking with the most annoying noise. “Ollie, Ollie, oxen-free.”

Exactly where Rudi had pointed out, the Count’s frame blurred back into existence. He wore a pleasantly surprised smile directed at Rudi. “Well done. Not many first-timers can get that one. Now for you, Vinnia.”

She yawned, blinking as the Count disappeared again. Ten seconds later, she lashed out her hand and pointed at a cabinet on the right side of room. “Right there, Sir. In front of the chalk cabinets.”

Count Stephan reappeared instantly, eyes wide, but clearly calculating. “How in heaven’s name did you guess?”

“Magic,” she said.

“Well, of course you used magic,” the Count pointed out, “you had to, since you don’t have enough to simply overpower my spell like Rudi did.”

Vinnia’s face soured immediately. “It was a joke. No way could I actually use magic. You said so yourself yesterday morning when we retried the measuring spell.”

Glancing back and forth between Vinnia and the Count, Rudi wondered exactly how tense this situation could get, and how to avoid it. He certainly didn’t know any topics that could draw them away from this. Finally, his stomach uttered a whining complaint, and the Count lost the will to argue.

“Sorry, Rudi. Vinnia’s just being a nuisance.”

Though anyone could have seen that, Rudi refrained from being a smart-alec and pointing it out. “So, what are we going to do next?” he asked.

“Oh, I’ll be doing spells with you, but Vinnia’s going to learn transmutations. It’s harder than spells, but it doesn’t require the use of magic.” Taking a large, blue-bound book from the nearest shelf, the Count began on something of a lecture. “You see, transmutations work by taking the magic of people who step on them. Simply by creating one, Vinnia could tap into your magic, and if she used the right one, you would never know. Spells, on the other hand, require magic from inside the creator. It’s ideal for you, since you’ve got so much of it.” He plopped the book open on Vinnia’s desk and gestured for her to start reading it, something she begrudgingly did.

The explanation sort of made sense, but it raised a question in Rudi’s mind. Why put him and Vinnia in the same private class if they were going to learn completely different things?

The rest of the lesson was quiet, mostly reading and magical theory, but every so often, Rudi’s stomach interrupted the silence. By the time class ended, Rudi’s face was on fire from embarrassment. It was lucky that Vinnia didn’t care so much about teasing him as she did everyone else. As they joined the river of pages walking towards the mess, Vinnia bid him goodbye. Rudi watched her carefully as she darted through the crowd, wondering how she knew where to go when she couldn’t see over anything.

A bony elbow knocked against Rudi’s arm a second later. “How was magic?” Simon asked, “Count Stephan didn’t teach you the seeing spell, did he?”

“Uh… is that what you use to find an invisible person?”

Simon’s eyebrows rose a little. “I suppose you could use it for that, but more than anything people use it to see magic in its base form. Of course, really strong people don’t need the spell to see magic, but you know, not everyone can be a level ten on the Zauber scale.”

Sniffling, Rudi wondered if there was a round-about way of implying that he might have possibly been a level ten. For some reason, he wasn’t entirely keen on telling Simon about that. He might get teased. “No, he didn’t teach it to us. We mostly just did reading today.”

“That’s boring. Well, you had the Countess earlier today, didn’t you? How was her class?”

Now, Lady Fey’s class was something for Rudi to talk about. For their first lesson, she’d shouted her single class rule, which was to respect others and themselves at all times, and then conjured books onto everyone’s desks and started on the different kinds of energy. Rudi was found the idea that heat was just little tiny particles moving around very interesting. “It was very fun,” he said.

“I’ll bet. What else did you do?”

Counting off on his fingers as he walked, Rudi listed the morning archery lesson, followed by beginning swordsmanship. Vinnia had been particularly bad at this, always putting her hand behind her back for some reason. After lunch he’d gone to Language studies with the Baroness Sonnenburg, and then Lady Fey’s class, of course.

“How was the Baroness’s class, anyway?” Simon asked, squishing through the crowd after Rudi. They were nearing the mess, and the hallways only seemed to get tighter near there.

“It was alright. She mostly just complained about the fifth year students.” The aroma of fatty gravy tickled Rudi’s nose, and he knew they’d reach the mess any moment now. Good thing too, because he was starving. As the crowd squeezed through the wooden doorway, Rudi spotted Vinnia and Axel already at a table, steaming meat and vegetables piled before them.

As Rudi slid in next to Vinnia, she slouched onto the table, face wrought with disgust. “Slow,” she complained, “way, way, way slow.”

Across the table, Axel kept quiet. His face was green almost, and his lips curled thin into a nervous line. “Vinnia, are you sure about what Elizabeth said? I mean, I looked at her paper, and she really did get full marks. I think she won this round.”

“Does it matter? She said you two were equals at this and she’s right. You both sounded like drunk old men over midwinter’s midnight.” Vinnia blew a stray hair from her face and banged a fist on the table. She recoiled and examined her hand sourly. “Drat it. I’ve got a splinter. This is why we put finish on wood.”

While Vinnia picked uselessly at the black speck stuck in her hand, Rudi watched for Elizabeth out of the corner of his eye. He tried to keep conversation with Simon at the same time, but found that too much and just nodded when he deemed it appropriate. The blonde girl did come, eventually. Sauntering like a veteran soldier, she stopped behind Axel and leaned her elbow on his head.

“Nice to see you, Elizabeth,” Axel said dryly. Vinnia stopped picking at her splinter.

“You as well, Cart-Part. So, how was the native speaker’s judging?” Her eyes shifted onto Vinnia. “Please tell me you judged fairly.”

Screwing her face into utter contempt, Vinnia complained about Northerners and their dumb, unfinished tables. “And your Alten is awful. When were your books made? A thousand years ago? I feel like we’re still in the feudal system here.”

Rudi didn’t know what the feudal system was, but based on the way Axel and Elizabeth bristled at the comment, he guessed it was something of an insult. “I’m guessing the contest is a tie, then?” Elizabeth asked. She sounded like she might murder someone.

Vinnia shrugged, appearing to be uninterested for a moment. Then, she suddenly leapt to her feet and hissed, “Go sit! The Count’s here to give thanks! Save your stupid little brawl for the fencing rooms!”

As the mess hall door swung open, both fifth years raised one eyebrow. They looked at each other, and even the Count had to stop, for the tension in the air was that thick.

“We shall continue this at the Autumnal Equinox Ball,” Elizabeth said finally. The room buzzed with a silent gasp as she returned to her seat, and Rudi wondered what exactly the Autumnal Equinox Ball was. He hoped it wasn't anything too important.


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:20 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle back again for another Review Day review!

Oh yes, we get to see what this magic is like. It's about time ;) I do find it strange however, just like Rudi does, that Vinnia and Rudi are both being given private lessons at the same time. I mean, if they were both of the same magic level it would be better. But they're not. Although I think it has to do with Vinnia learning how to do things without much magic. I mean, Runi has all the magic. What would he get out of a private lesson with the girl who has almost no magic?

I do have to say, I feel like this is all moving a bit too fast. I mean, they've been at the school for a few days, right? It seems like we're not getting the entire story here. What happened in the classes that aren't highlighted? I'd suggest coming up with a small summary of "A day in the life of Rudi". That'll slow things down a bit and really give us a good look as to what he does at this school.

Other than that, I think this chapter is great. You continue to develop your characters as you go along. I'm still super interested in Axel and Elizabeth's relationship. Gosh I really hope they get together or something. They'd be like, the perfect couple ;)

Keep writing!
**Noelle*




Ventomology says...


Oh my gosh... Are you psychic, Noelle? Yeah, I'll definitely have to slip in more of the ordinary day-to-day stuff.
Thanks again!



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 11:03 pm
KnightTeen wrote a review...



Aww, it's the last one for now.
I hope you post more soon.
Sad face.

*perks up slightly*

Would you mind letting me know when you post the next chapter so I can read and review that one as well?

Please?

He wasn’t near-magicless like Vinnia, so why did he have to be here too?


I don't know, the wording of this sentence just doesn't sit right with me......

Maybe try:

He wasn't nearly as magicless as Vinnia.....

Or

He wasn't lacking in magic like Vinnia was.

I just think that the wording of this particular sentence doesn't feel quite right.

Of course, if you like it the way it is, please keep it that way and ignore my ramblings. :)

Lady Fey’s class


Reminds me of Morgana Le Fay.
I love the legends of King Arthur.

which was to respect others and the self at all times,


Slight typo. Should be, "themselves".

“go sit!


Typo here as well. Should be capitalized.

This was the best yet. Your imagery is good, your characters are wonderful, sarcastic, and funny, and the plot so far has been fun to read.
I am curious as to why Rudi and Vianna got placed in the same class if they are not going to be learning the same things, but I am sure there is a reason for that that you will reveal later. And I can't wait to read it.

Happy Review Day!

~Teen~




Ventomology says...


I shall fix those bits right away.
Since this is for Tenyo's contest, I'll actually have a chapter up every week, so that will hopefully make you happy. Thanks again!



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:19 pm
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey Buggie ^^ Viva la Reviewlution!

So I didn't find any nitpicks, so I'll focus on the chapter itself. I haven't read the previous ones, so I was a bit lost, but I think I got the gist of the story. They're witches and wizards, aren't they? Rudi is more gifted than he's letting on, it's just that he doesn't know how to use it. Same with Vinnia, right?

Okay so it took me a second to see that Vinnia was blind. I was like "blank eyes"? Whaaat? And then it hit me. Duh, she's blind. x) It's kinda sad. She found the Count so fast, and yet she was so pessimistic about it. Is she one of those types of people that let her disability ruin her life and is always mad and angry at the world? Shame, since she appears to have so much potential.

This looks good so far. ^^ I just might read the rest of this to catch up. It has a great storyline, because who doesn't love anything to do with magic? Plus this was nicely written and has a smooth flow, so yeah. It has lots of promise. c:

Hope this helps.

~Iggy




Ventomology says...


Ooh, you're good, Iggy. You're almost spot on with all the magic-ey stuff.
Anyways, thanks a bunch for reading this!



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 4:18 pm
GreenLight24 wrote a review...



Hello there, Buggiedude2340! GreenLight24 here with your first review (and my first review of the day) on this amazing April Review Day! :D

*clears throat*

Before we get into the meat of this review, I have absolutely got to commend you on your longevity with this novel as well as your interesting characters and dialogue. I've learned from experience that keeping a solid novel going past three chapters can be a challenging thing. Great job of sticking with it and really developing your story into something that's both entertaining and fulfilling to a reader. My favorite thing about this chapter as it stands alone (as I haven't read the others) is your dialogue. Dialogue is one of the things that I place the most emphasis on when I write and I think it's the most powerful tool a writer can use to develop characters' personalities, etc. Here, you've done so flawlessly. I felt like I could get a really good sense of each of their personalities and I can tell that you've invested a lot of careful thought into each one of them. I was especially interested in the dynamic between Rudi and Vinnia. There's something that tells me they will have to get on each others' good sides before too long. (Maybe a set up for a future romance?) Who knows? But that's what makes things like this so great.

Now then, for the constructive criticisms.

*Clears throat again.*

Although you've presented a cast of very interesting and dynamic characters, I feel like your descriptive elements don't quite match up with your story-telling ones. For instance, after reading this chapter I have not the slightest clue what any of these characters look like. I understand that this is the fifth chapter and you've probably already addressed that in previous chapters, but, even so, I think that's its important for writers to continue to provide a reader (especially a long-term reader) with some visual stimulus. The cool thing about physical descriptions of characters is that they can be used along with good dialogue (which I think you've already nailed) in order to further emphasize certain personality traits. I guess what I'm saying is that you should think about adding some more imagery-based description to this piece. This is where I think other literary forms begin to take on some poetic characteristics, which can certainly make your writing more interesting and aesthetically pleasing for the reader.

Other than that and a few minor word choice errors (the only one I can think of right now being when you said the Count "faded back into existence"), this was pure awesomeness. Now that I think about it, I'm not really sure what word you could put there, but that's what our friend, the Thesaurus Rex is for!

Overall, you've already done the hardest part by creating your own reality and running with it, I just think you should tweak some minor details to get this thing really on and poppin'. I hope this review is helpful for you should you choose to edit this piece and I love the work you've done here. Consider me a new fan! NEVER STOP WRITING!!!




Ventomology says...


WOW. I'll have to check back on the Count's thing there, definitely. (Thanks for pointing that out.) And I guess the characters' appearances do need some reinforcement. I so need to work on visuals...
Thanks again for the tips!



GreenLight24 says...


No prob! :D




“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu