z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The House of Sand-- Chapter 2

by dancingwatermelon


Faylinn awoke to bright sunshine streaming through her window, bathing everything in a soft glow. After slipping on a fresh t-shirt and a pair of jeans, she went downstairs to the kitchen. Humming to herself, she set about making a suitable picnic lunch for three. She made sure to include lots of sweet tea. Faylinn gathered it all on a tray and carried it outside, setting the tray on a tree stump in the shade of a huge tree. She heard the door close behind her, and turned to see Faron standing on the porch step, blinking in the sunlight.

“Good morning, sleepy-head!”

Faron mumbled a response, walking over to join Faylinn under the tree.

“Where’s Ava?”

“I dunno. Still sleeping, I guess. I thought she’d be out here already, so I didn’t check her room.”

“How unlike her, at 11:30 in the morning. I’ll go get her. Don’t touch anything until I get back!” Faylinn called over her shoulder.

Upon entering Ava’s bedroom, Faylinn found her sitting on the edge of her bed, reading a book. “Hey, Ava! Faron and I are waiting on you. Today’s our picnic day, remember?”

Ava closed her book and bounced off the bed. “No, I didn’t remember! What did’ja make for us this time? I hope it’s not another omelet…”

Faylinn laughed. “No, I promise it’s not. Come on!”

Outside, Faron was sitting in rather than under the tree. Leaning backwards, she allowed her knees to grip the branch she had been sitting on, swinging her upper-body down towards the ground. Stretching her arms out, she grabbed a branch a little lower down, let her legs go, and dropped to the ground in a fluid motion, landing perfectly on her feet. She looked proud.

“I have taught you well, my young padawan.”

Faron stuck her tongue out good-naturedly. “Come on, Faylinn! I’ve been able to do that for years.”

Smiling, Faylinn turned her attention to the food. “Now, since it’s the middle of July, I’ve made us a cake for dessert!”

Ava looked at her blankly. “What exactly do July and cake have to do with each other?”

Faylinn raised an eyebrow, trying not to laugh. “They go together, my dear, because cake always goes with a birthday. Especially yours! It’s a rule.”

Faron did laugh, then hugged Ava. “Happy birthday, double-digit-midget! You’re finally catching up to us.”

Ava wanted to glare at her, but was happy at the same time. The result was a some-what confused face. “Thank you... Now, shall we eat?” As she asked, she reached for some deviled eggs and pinwheel sandwiches. Happily, the other two helped themselves without replying.

After the all the food was dispatched, Faylinn turned her attention to the cake. “I hope you like it, Ava. I wasn’t sure what kind you liked, so I just went with chocolate cake and mocha icing.”

Ava’s eyes shone as her sisters sang their traditional birthday song. “Hey Ava, it's your birthday! This isn't the usual birthday song, because you’re not the usual gal. You're so awesome, and here's why.”

At this point, Faron dropped out and let Faylinn sing a new verse. “You’ve got a cute little smirk, but that’s not your only quirk. You absolutely love books, and you ignore any weird looks. People think you’re strange, but it’s they who are deranged.”

Faron chimed in next. “You’re kind of a dork; you don’t even like pork. You’re such a tough little sister, you could likely beat a twister.”

Both sang the final line, “As this song is about to end, we wish to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FRIEND!”

Ava cut the cake, giving a large piece to each of her sisters before taking her own. The three dug in enthusiastically, very soon helping themselves to seconds of the delicious cake. “I can't believe I'm ten... Faylinn, you’re the best big sister ever! You should open your own bakery.”

Faylinn laughed. “I’m glad you like the cake! I’d have to learn a lot before I could do that. Besides, there wouldn’t be the fun of watching my customers’ expressions. I’d rather just make cakes for friends and family. Besides, it’s a lot of work! I don’t think I could do it all the time.”

Faron jumped up from her seat. “Hey, why don’t we go on the roof? It’s such a lovely day.”

Ava turned to Faylinn eagerly. “Oh, please! You know we’re only allowed up there if you take us. PLEASE say you will!”

“Of course I will! Grab any books or whatever paraphernalia you’ll want while we’re up there. You can put them in my bag for transportation, if you can’t carry them up the tree.”

The roof was very hot from the sun, so Faylinn spread her towel out for all three to sit on. Letting her gaze wander out to the nearby lake, she sighed contentedly. There were times when her life didn’t seem too bad; times like these, when she could enjoy her sisters and not have to protect them or become engaged in a brawl with them. She watched a boy push a kayak into to lake, then clamber into it. A few minutes later, a girl also slid one into the lake, and she quickly paddled over to where the boy was turning in circles, frustrated. Faylinn giggled.

“What’s so funny, Faylinn?” Faron asked.

“That boy down there. He doesn’t know how to paddle a kayak! I bet that’s his sister, trying to rescue him and teach him how to properly do it. Remember when I tried to teach you two how to kayak?”

Ava snickered. “Yeah, you didn’t even know how! You flipped the kayak before you even got in it. Then you ended up crashing into the docks once you managed to get going. Lief had to come guide you out.”

“So he did.” Faylinn smiled sheepishly at the memory. “What else are big brothers for?”

“Well, they sure do an awful lot of picking on us, too,” Faron quipped.

Faylinn snorted and lay back, closing her eyes as she turned her face to the sun. She heard a page turn and knew that Ava was reading again. She didn’t know what Faron was doing, but she knew that she was glad to have the two of them to pass a pleasant day with.


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933 Reviews


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Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:31 am
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hey there~ Here as requested.

Faylinn awoke to bright sunshine outside of her window.


Nice start, but I encourage you to go on. What does it look like? Is it shining in her eyes? Does t bounce off the mirror and bathe the room in light? Does it feel nice or overbearingly hot? Go into details, just don't overdo it.

Outside, Faron was sitting in rather than under the tree.


Sitting on, dear. Not in. You can't sit in a tree branch.



D'aww. c: This was a cute chapter! Lots of love and sisterly bonding, I see.

I believe it was Ava who was mean to Faylinn in the beginning? If so, I'm glad she's a bit nicer here. I still favor Faron, though, since Faron was never a jerk. I think. <_<

Faylinn is such a nice person, I see. Making her sister, the one who was a jerk to her, a birthday cake and planning this picnic? Such common sisterly affection there. xD one minute you're at each other's throats, the next you're bonding. Makes me wish I had a sister. Haha, but I hate this relationship with my brothers so it's all good.

This chapter shows me that even though they fight, they still love each other and even though the father is a jerk, the girls are still able to enjoy simple things in life, like each other. I adore that! Keep writing this. It's getting good. ^^

~Iggy






Thank you for the review!!

I've always heard it as "sitting IN a tree" and "sitting ON a branch". It just sounds weird to me to say that she was sitting ON a tree. o_O

Welll.... No, Faron was the mean one in the beginning. XD

Thank you so much, again!



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:20 am
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CesareBorgia wrote a review...



Hey CesareBorgia here for another review,

I'm sorry I never got to review your other chapter :( But I'm here to review this one. I just have to say that this novel is so good. It's a real page turner. I'm still confused. There seems to be no plot :wink:

She heard the door close behind her, and turned to see Faron standing on the porch step, blinking in the sunlight.


If he's blinking in the sunlight, then you should say:

A beam of sunlight glistened on his [color of his skin] skin, as he blinked in the sunlight.



Smiling, Faylinn turned her attention to the food. “Now, since it’s the middle of July, I’ve made us a cake for dessert!”

Ava looked at her blankly. “What exactly do June and cake have to do with each other?”


The part where it says June, is supposed to be July. Maybe it's just a typo. :wink:

Faron did laugh, then hugged Ava. “Happy birthday, double-digit-midget! You’re finally catching up to us.”


I assume that she's know ten years old, but it's not really clear :?:

“Of course I will! Grab any books or whatever paraphernalia you’ll want while we’re up there. You can put them in my bag for transportation, if you can’t carry them up the tree.”


Umm, what does "paraphernalia". I'm a new writer who's still learning what words to use :wink:

That's all. I hope you take this into consideration.
Best of luck in writing,
CesareBogia






Thank you for the review!!

It always takes me at least three chapters to have huge plot jumps. I just like to ease my readers into the story. *shrugs*

But... what if the sunlight *wasn't* glistening on her skin? :P

Omigosh, did I really do that??? Originally, I had written June, but when I typed it, I changed it to July. So, that's where the confusion came from; my brain. XD Thanks for pointing that out!

Yes, she's ten. I'll throw in a line to clarify that.

Paraphernalia is just general stuff. The dictionary says "equipment, apparatus, or furnishing used in or necessary for a particular activity" or "personal belongings".

Thanks again!





P.s. Good to have you here! ^_^




Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia