z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Wool of the Prince-- Chapter 3

by Rook


Chapter 3

1083 words (more or less since editing)

Jay opened his eyes quickly the next morning just to see if Trevon was still there. It was. Hoping to get back to sleep, he rolled over in his soft, blue bed sheets, but found he couldn’t even close his eyes. He accepted his awake-ness and clambered out of bed. Jay was disgusted to find that he was still wearing his ocean-soaked, sand-ridden track pants, but didn’t know what to wear in place of them. Instead, he wrapped himself in the woolen blanket Shep had given him, which he had left on the floor the night before.

Jay found the eating room by following his nose to the delicious breakfast smells. He spied Shep chowing down heartily on his breakfast, and Jay slid into the seat across from him.

“Good morning, my beach-jay,” said Shep, waving a server whose name tag read "Harry Potter," which Jay thought was a little laughable. “What do you want for breakfast? I’m paying, so don’t mind about that. I’ll bet you don’t even have any drubbles.”

“Um… I want…” Jay started, then realized he had no idea what they served, and if the “fruitwash” from last night was any indication, it probably wasn’t anything he knew. Jay caught a whiff of what was on Shep’s plate. It smelled pretty good, and looked like some kind of meat. “I’ll have some of that,” Jay pointed to Shep’s plate.

“Right away,” the server said.

“So what is that?” Jay asked, leaning in to get a better look of Shep’s food.

“A mysterious dish called… Pork Strips!”

Jay had been expecting something much more foreign like dragon calf. He was pleasantly surprised. “Oh. Sounds great!” And it was pretty great, as Jay discovered when the server brought back his food. When they had both finished breakfast, Shep gave the server four Iron pyramids. “Are those drubbles?” Jay asked.

“Actually, no. drubbles are colored copper, and shaped like two of these degas. The smallest amount is a lead penny. It’s a flat disk. The second smallest coin is an iron dega, which you see here is a pyramid. Next are drooples, after that, silver and gold orbs respectively. There’s ten of a lesser coin to that of a higher one,” explained Shep.

Jay did some math. “So it’s 10,000 lead pennies to a golden orb?” he asked. Shep nodded. Jay fingered the iron pyramid. Every side was the same size, and although the edges had been worn smooth and round, there were hardly any other deformities. He rubbed his finger against an “S” engraved onto one of the sides. “What does this mean?”

“That’s the mark of the princess. They put letters on all the coins for various reasons. One reason is to tell when a coin is too old to be used. There are people who will trade for old coins with their letters rubbed almost off and give you the same amount they were worth, minus one penny. If you trade using a coin without a letter, you can go to jail, so it’s smart to ask for better coinage when trading if at all possible. The other reason for these letters is for the blind. I’ve heard an old story of a blind trader who was paid in silver orbs instead of gold, even though the gold orbs are a little bit larger than the silver ones.”

“What are the other letters?” Jay asked.

Shep pulled out a drawstring bag. He laid out something that looked exactly like a normal penny from his hometown, except it was a dark grayish color, and had an “M” on the side instead of Abe Lincoln’s head. The next coin he removed was a copper one. Shep was right. It did look like it was two Degas stuck together. The copper rhombus had a “P” engraved onto it. The last coin Shep pulled out was a small silver orb. It had a “Q” on the side. Then Shep started to sing, pointing to each coin in turn, with exception of the gold orb, which wasn’t on the table.

“The gold is the King, so large and mighty,

Silver is the Queen, a graceful royalty.

Copper is the Prince, the next in line,

Iron is Princess, the fair and the kind.

Lead is an M, oh what could it mean?

Perhaps it’s referring to just you and me.”

Jay studied the coins and listened to the song again in his head. “Why have an ‘S’ for the princess? And what’s with the ‘M’ again?”

“Well we couldn’t have two ‘P’s, now could we? Instead of taking from the beginning of the word, I suppose they took from the end. And no one knows what the ‘M’ stands for. That song would lead the listener to believe that it stands for the common person, but I’m not sure. The letters were dictated years ago with no reason for what they meant stated in paper. The lead penny has always been a mystery.” Shep swept the coins back into his drawstring bag. “Sorry I didn’t have any gold orbs to show you,” he said, looking slightly embarrassed, “they’re a rare commodity, and truthfully aren’t the most convenient form of payment, as even the costliest of things won’t cost more than a few silver orbs. Most things worth having are paid for with drooples and degas. Now why don’t we take a walk? Fresh air is good for one from another world.”

Shep led Jay outside towards the cliffs that over looked the sea. “It’s good that you were curious about the coins. That’s knowledge you’ll need through your travels here. One dega is a good price of bread. If you keep that in mind, most bartering should be easy enough.”

Jay’s mind was spinning with this information, and with just the fact that he really was in some other world. He hadn’t quite believed it yesterday, but now the truth hit him with the force of a train. Jay buried his head in his hands and moaned. “What am I going to do?” he mumbled.

“Well, you can always come along with me,” Shep offered, “It gets lonely only having sheep to talk to most of the time.”

Jay didn’t need another reminder of how crazy this guy was, but he had no one else to turn to. He had no money, know knowledge and no idea of how to live in this place. “Sure, if you’d really let me. It’s awfully kind of you.”

“I know it is,” laughed Shep, “but I intend to put you to work on our journey.”

Oh great, thought Jay.

--

A/N the mention of Harry Potter is only for a challenge for the Last Man Standing Contest, and will have no impact on the story.


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14 Reviews


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Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:59 pm
raevynstar wrote a review...



Okay, the monetary system is confusing, BUT it's also great, and very well-thought-out. Good worldbuilding never hurts!
I liked the HP reference. :D
My only real complaint is that so many words were used to replace "said". It's just a personal annoyance, I guess; but "said" works well almost any time.
I'm really liking this.




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Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:21 pm
FireBird99 wrote a review...



Hey! FireBird99 here for a review!

~What I liked-

This is an amazing chapter, once again. The pacing was good. It didn't make me lose my focus. I love how modern and yet medieval this novel is. A modern guy fallen into a medieval world, what could be better? I can't wait to explore Trevon more. Since you made this world up I know absolutely nothing about it and it intrigues me.

I like the whole money idea. It puts your world building skills to good use and it shows them off well. It also revealed Shep's characterization a bit more too. It shows that he knows a lot and can ramble on about it xD. Love it.

~What may need fixing-

He laid out something that looked exactly like a normal penny from his hometown, except it was a dark grayish color, and had an “M” on the side instead of Abe Lincoln’s head. The next coin he removed was a copper one.


Here you said it was exactly like a normal penny back home and then you completely change everything that the pennies look like. Maybe if you said it was exactly the same size of the pennies back home and then went on about what it looked like. This is only a suggestion so you can do either way. Its not to bad how it is, it just read a bit awkwardly.

I think that is all!
Awesome job!

~Fire




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Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:37 pm
fantasydragon01 wrote a review...



Oh how nice is this story
Full of beauty, full of glory
Mysterious coins is the center star
Let me see if they take me far.

Okay, I will be repetitive if I read every chapter of the Wool of the Prince and say that it is interesting and captivating. So, for the last time, I will say this:

"It is so interesting!!!!!!!"

This quote implies to all of his other stories. They will be good, I presume. You know, Widdershins, I think you commented on my poem, Kingdom Beyond the Mountains (whoever is reading this review should look at it and comment:) I think I will start following you. Never give up on your writing!!!!!! Never!!!!!


Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01




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Tue Jul 15, 2014 11:03 pm
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TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here for a review!

Okay, so this was another brilliant (hee-hee, love that word. Soo English!) work by you, Fortis. I loved the characterization you put in here, having that character who is totally confused about everything. He has to forge through all of this unknown territory, and learn about this place he has been dropped into. Literally, dropped into.

I liked the part about the money so much! <3 Not only does it show that you have an immense amount of dedication to your novel, but it shows that you have an equally immense imagination. I like how they are still somewhat structured on the money that we use. That way we still understand how it all works, but they are different kinds of money (geared towards more Mideival style, if I am thinking correctly?) which makes it more fantastical, and lets just face it. Modern money is boring. Paper is boring. Coins that clink together are cool. :)

Keep that imagination running. Constantly running. Cuz you can really churn out the amazing ideas.

money, know knowledge


Nitpick is pretty easy to see here. "know" should be "no"

I would love to give you more to comment on, but I can't think of anything else to say or nitpick on, really. Your pacing was excellent, not too fast or slow to make me lose my focus on your story. It pulled me in, and I just think you are doing wonderful with everything. Your shorter chapters could be nitpicked by some people because most novels are longer chapters (probably about twice what this chapter is, normally), but I don't think its an issue. I have read several really good books with shorter chapters, and they work just fine. Peter and the Starcatchers (junior fiction, but still awesome) is an example of a book with short chapters that works wonderfully. So I don't think you have a problem there. If you ever think that your chapters are too short, then you can just make them two parts on YWS! That still works with your contest, right?

Is this the same contest Deanie is in? I am reviewing her book, as well. :P
~Darth Timmyjake




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 7:55 am
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle back for another Review Day review!

This is a very informative chapter. I like that we're learning tiny things about this world with each passing chapter. It's really cool because it's like we are Jay and we're going on this journey with him rather than just reading about the journey that he's going on. For example, last chapter we learned about some more of the landscape. This chapter we learn about the money system. But not only that. We also learn that this is a real place. Now keep in mind, I had no doubts in my mind that it wasn't. It's just that having coins that represent people in a government makes it seem like more of a real country (or place) than just somewhere in Jay's mind.

That's all I have for you for this chapter. It was a short review because there's nothing else to say! I'm really excited to see where the story goes now that his world you've created is starting to come together. And I'm also looking forward to learning more about Shep. At first he seemed like this creepy guy who just wanted to pick up random people walking along the beach. But now he's starting to be sort of a guide for Jay and he's turning out to be an interesting guy.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Sun Apr 27, 2014 6:49 am
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Wriskypump wrote a review...



OHHHHHHHHHHH, NOW chapter 4 makes more sense hee hee “Good morning, my beach-jay,” said Shep,

I KNOW! okay I'm obsessive but "It smelled pretty good, and looked like some kind of meat. “I’ll have some of that,” Jay pointed to Shep’s plate." - It's that thing where you go to a new restaurant, and you are ordering off the menu, and you just get what your friends are getting cause you don't wanna look like an idiot! *clears throat* excuse me ;)

"foreign like dragon calf." - you are so good at this, that I'm just going to quit looking for negatives and enjoy all the scrumptiousness of this book!

“Actually, no. drubbles are colored copper, and shaped like two of these degas. The smallest amount is a lead penny. It’s a flat disk. The second smallest coin is an iron dega, which you see here is a pyramid. Next are drooples, after that, silver and gold orbs respectively. There’s ten of a lesser coin to that of a higher one,” explained Shep. - *jaw drops* on a level so high I barely processed it. which made it seem more epic, since I could not comprehend it. xD

Lead is an M, oh what could it mean?

"Perhaps it’s referring to just you and me.” - This seems very important. I'm glued, baby! This is like cocaine or something!!! Okay, signing out of Chapter 3 with that one, you know how much I love this already! You go!

Ha, the gold orb is like a thousand dollar bill. xD




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Sun Apr 20, 2014 2:37 am
Wolfi says...



This is an awesome and informative chapter! The coins information was lengthy, but interesting, and I'm sure it will impact the story later on, as Shep foreshadowed. And again, very nice inner poem. It gives the story a more professional feel.




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Fri Apr 18, 2014 12:20 am
kayfortnight wrote a review...



Good imagery. I can really picture everything that's going on.

“A mysterious dish called… Pork Strips!”
I just realized you're probably using the "translation convention." Everything in English? It's not a problem, most sci-fi or portal fantasy authors use it, but if you need more for Jay to be confused about in this world he could notice this.

Hmm...Shepherd is very accommodating to Jay's questions. I'm curious as to his motivations.

The M coin is slightly interesting, but not super intriguing. You'll have to do better to get my attention.

Also, Harry Potter as a serving boy? Really? That's the best summer job the Boy Who Lived could get?




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Sun Apr 13, 2014 11:54 pm
Ventomology wrote a review...



Woo! It's finally up! First thing though: isn't this chapter 3?
Now then, here are some grammar/typo nitpicks for you first.
"He accepted his awake-ness and clambered out of the bed." Do we really need the 'the'?
"Instead, he wrapped himself in the woolen blanket" (Just a typo, nothing scary.)
"Jay entered the eating room of the inn, following his nose to the delicious breakfast smells." Now, there isn't anything grammatically wrong with this sentence, but it doesn't really make sense in terms of action-order. I would, instead of wording it this way, say that "Jay found the eating room by following his nose..." And so on.
For technique, I have nothing to complain about really. There was a lot of dialogue and not much action, but that was mostly for your exposition and whatnot, so it was necessary. Also, your verbs were AMAZING. I found very few examples of passive voice, and the verbs themselves had strong connotations and images.
For plot... Great job slipping in another mystery with that 'M' coin. I can't wait to see where that leads, or if it's just a red herring... (exciting, either way!) And I hope to see more action in the coming chapter, and less background info.
Well, that's all I have to say. Did your previous chapter make its way out of the GR yet? I hope it has.
Ciao for now!




Rook says...


Thanks for your continuing reviews! :D
Thanks especially for the thing about chapter 3. Yes, it's ch. 3.
I'll fix those typos. There'll deffinitely be more action in the next chapter, I just hate it when authors mention the money and don't explain it. My previous chapter hasn't quite made its way out of GR yet. But I'm sure it will soon! :D




here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a treee called life; which grows higher than the soul can home or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
— e.e. cummings