z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Blind - Chapter 8

by WillowPaw1


Mother had taken me to a special pet store in which they only sold trained dogs for disabled people. Disabled people? Well, that's me.

The worker we met there led us to a place, where he said were the best seeing dogs for kids. Seeing dogs were for blind people, and they were meant to guide them around. I've thought of them before, but never really considered getting one. I think Mother was preparing me for school.

My two favorites were Jamie and Cookie. The worker said,"Jamie is a dark chocolate brown, and Cookie is tan, black, and white."

I had asked for the colors, and I got what I wanted. Chocolate was a very tasty food. Maybe chocolate brown was a very awesome color, too. I wanted Jamie, and Mother let me.

I heard her haul a big crate with my new pet dog in it. I think we were going to the check out counter, but I wasn't completely sure. Mother stopped, and she started talking with someone.

"We'll take Jamie. Does he have any medical problems?" Mother asked, and I knew then that we were definitely at the checkout counter.

"No. He'll need to be walked daily, but I'm sure that's not a problem," someone said. He had a very deep voice and it irritated my ears. I didn't like it that much.

Jamie barked and I told him to shush. He immediately quieted down. I hoped I had picked the right one. Mostly it was because chocolate brown sounded like a great color.

There was a shuffled of papers, most likely forms, and I waited as patiently as I could, but it was a bit hard, especially when you're getting a dog.

As I waited, I thought. Was Sheila feeling okay? Maybe that's why she didn't wake me up that day Mother introduced me to Braille, she was sick. I think she'll be fine, though. It's just the stomach flu. Everyone gets it sometime in their life.

"Ember, let's go." Mother said, her voice urging me to hurry up. I don't think she wanted to come here, but she knew if I was going to school I would need something to help me.

I walked forward, and bumped into Mother. "Ow," I whisper to myself, even though it didn't hurt. I have a habit of doing that, whatever bumps into me or collides with me "hurts".

I adjust myself next to her, and my hand is in hers seconds later.

We were walking to the car when I finally ask, "May I rename Jamie? I don't like that name much. Not for a dog, anyway." I crinkle my nose as I wait for Mother to reply. I hope it convinces her, if she was thinking of just keeping the name Jamie.

"Of course." Mother replied. We stopped, and Mother said, "Ember, go ahead and get in the car."

I felt to my left and the car was there. It was very hot and almost burned my hand. I brushed my hand across the car until it came in touch with the handle. From there on I could do everything really easily. Open the door, get in, close the door, and finally, get buckled.

While Mother was putting Jamie in the trunk, I thought of a better name for him. He was chocolate brown, so maybe a food that's chocolate-y? All I could think of was Brownie, and I didn't want that to be his name.

There was Ice cream, but I didn't really like that, either. Or Cheesecake. I sighed, and leaned forward in my chair, so my chin was on a seat in the front.

Mother got in the car and started the engine, right as I thought of the perfect name for my new dog.

Mousse.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1417 Reviews


Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

Donate
Thu Apr 24, 2014 11:46 pm
View Likes
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there!

I like how you linked this chapter to the last one! It's almost like you're psychic and knew that I was going to say what I just said in my last review o.o But anyway, it's nice to see a direct continuation from the previous chapter. It makes the story feel more complete -- for a lack of a better term.

A sight seeing dog. Nice. I was wondering how Ember was going to be able to get around. I have to say, I'm quite surprised that her parents hadn't considered getting her a sight seeing dog or a cane before now. But then again, maybe they just didn't want to bother with either of those. Who knows. Now I'm just wondering, will the school be okay with her having a dog at school with her? You might want to look into what kind of rules schools have about that kind of stuff. It's always important to have realistic facts in your novel.

I look forward to seeing more of Ember's adventures. I can't wait to see how Ember reacts going to school. I'm not sure how far off that is in the story, but I'm looking forward to it.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




User avatar
55 Reviews


Points: 240
Reviews: 55

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 6:04 pm
puppys3117 wrote a review...



wassup Willow? puppys3117 here to review! overall this was really good! ^_^ and like Em101cats said, I like puppies. and why wouldn't I- I mean really ppl! ITS MY USERNAME!!!

Spelling: I noticed nothing wrong since everyone already pointed out those nitpicks :/ NO FAIR!!! XD
Grammer: also well done!
Suspence: a good bit of it if u ask meh!
Rating: 5 stars and 10 out of 10!

Great work ur doing here, Willow! Keep it up :P

~puppys3117~




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks! Puppy power XD



puppys3117 says...


XD



User avatar
130 Reviews


Points: 2667
Reviews: 130

Donate
Thu Apr 10, 2014 5:09 pm
Em101cats wrote a review...



Aww, doggies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :3



Hi, it's Em101cats. I love the twist about the guide dog! (I think they call them guide dogs now. I can't remember. It doesn't matter what you call them though.)


I like puppies :3


I found a nitpick or two: "If she was thinking if keeping the name Jamie" I think the second 'if' is supposed to be 'of.' Little mistake, I do it all the time!

Also, when you said the word "hull," I think you meant "haul." I think hull is a boat term for the outside metal of the boat, but the most part is I know what you meant and that's at least better than it baffling me! Sorry if I seem rude about this, but I only want you to keep writing. The more you write, the more you improve, and I want to see you keep improving. Hope this helps you! Bye Willow!
~Em101cats~
(P.S. I have chapter seven of Forbidden Shadows. No one has reviewed yet, and I would greatly appreciate it if you reviewed it for me :) )




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks!! Ugh, I type sooo fast sometimes. 0.o

After I fix them I'll review yours!



User avatar
324 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 324

Donate
Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:29 am
View Likes
Evander wrote a review...



Hi,

Awesome chapter! But first the nitpicks.

said,"Jamie

Stuff in red: You need a space between the comma and the double quotation mark.

mostl likely forms,

Stuff in blue: Typo, I think you mean most.

It's just te stomach flu.

Stuff in green: Another typo, I think you mean the.

I love chocolate, and the name Mousse was unexpected, but I will grow to like it!

Raven,




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks! I fixed all those errors right now! :D



User avatar
933 Reviews


Points: 4261
Reviews: 933

Donate
Wed Apr 09, 2014 1:26 am
View Likes
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey there!

A few nitpicks:

The worked we met there led us to a place, where he said were the best seeing dogs for kids.


The worker*

The worker said,"Jamie is a dark chocolate brown, and Cookie is tan, black, and white."


There needs to be a space before the dialogue begins.

"We'll like Jamie.


We'll take Jamie*

There was a shuffled of papers, mostl likely forms,


Most likely*

It's just te stomach flu.


The*

Everyone gets it one time in their life.


I think you should replace with "one time" with "sometime" as it might make the sentence flow better.

We stopped, and Mother said,"Ember, go ahead and get in the car."


A space is needed before the dialogue.

There was Icecream,


Ice cream is two words, not one.


Okay! Nitpicks aside, I knew she was there for a sight seeing dog. ;) I think it's cute that she requested a chocolate-colored dog and gave him a cute name like Mousse. What I like even more is that she based her choice of color off of her taste buds and assumed that chocolate must have a nice color if it tastes so good. :)

This is getting good! I adore the slow build up to Ember entering public school for the first time. I look forward to the chapter when she is finally there and how she gets around and perceives the school. Here's to hoping you post soon!




WillowPaw1 says...


0.0 I typed WAY too fast. Let me go fix those! And thanks for reviewing!




The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay