z

Young Writers Society



Change is Unwanted

by GreenTulip


Change is unwanted, unwelcomed, in my world.
A sudden and complete change in my normal pace.

Unwanted, unwelcomed, not easily accepted.
A world that wishes to change is not a world for me.

A sudden shift in the way of life
I know shakes me to my inner core,
leaving me unable to survive.

I am stuck in my old ways,
a new way not coming easily.

Do you expect me to change,
to make me a better version?

Do not expect a change suddenly,
over a course of years will be the result.

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1007 Reviews

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Thu Apr 24, 2014 2:06 pm
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TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here for a review!!

So, as always, Nitpicks first!!

Change is unwanted, unwelcomed, in my world.


Soooo... on this poem, this is the line that you want to stick with people. the line that says it all. The line that makes the poem what it is. I like the message that is conveyed in that line, but the words used aren't very... "poetic"?
I think you could eliminate one of the two words, "unwanted" or "unwelcomed" or perhaps find a word that conveys both messages. If something is unwanted, then it would be unwelcomed automatically, right?

Unwanted, unwelcomed, not easily accepted.


Another line that doesn't flow very well...

A sudden shift in the way of life
I know shakes me to my inner core,


These two lines say alot... but two words could be eliminated to have a stronger message, with fewer words... The "I know" could be eliminated without losing anything, I think...

I am stuck in my old ways,
a new way not coming easily.


The second line here is merely a photocopy of the first line... Very redundant. Perhaps you could go to some different angle with that idea?

Do you expect me to change,
to make me a better version?---I think you should switch around your wording with the second line. "To make a better version OF ME.


So, on a different angle, this stanza kind of told me that you were talking to a certain person, not just to the world as a whole... Perhaps you could implement that into your poem. You love this person, but in order to have him/her, you have to change how you live and who you are...

Do not expect a change suddenly,
over a course of years will be the result.


This line says alot. It tells the reader that you are willing to change for the world, but it will be a slow transition... But in the line before, you were adamant that you would NOT change... If you are going to change, you need a stanza where you are unsure. Where you want to change, but don't know how...

Comments and awesomensiousness in your poem!

This was a neat poem! Don't ever think that, since I nitpick everything, it isn't awesome. I just have to find something wrong with near perfection.

The strongest point in your poetry is the story you convey inside them. The power in the words. The story inside them... This one isn't an exception... You start out as someone who will NOT change. Resisting the one who wants them, but wants them the way they imagined. A battle of wills, and in the end, there is a compromise... You will change, but it will take time.

My favorite part...

A sudden shift in the way of life
I know shakes me to my inner core,
leaving me unable to survive.


Whoever or whatever this is, shakes you to your core. Awesome imagery there. Nice picture and feelings portrayed. Amazing... ;)

Awesome job!
~The Darth Timmyjake




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:10 am
LunaClipse wrote a review...



This poem is one I can easily connect to, as I have once been in a place of change that was not easily accepted. It gave me that feeling of emotional truth to the piece. Though the word choice was simple, it actually worked for the style of this poem. I also like how in the third stanza, there is a bit of an over-exaggeration to how it makes the person feel. Many people in a situation of forced change will feel in that exact way. That is why that was my favorite part of the poem. I did like the piece overall.




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Tue Apr 08, 2014 12:09 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hello! Let's break this down, stanza by stanza.

Change is unwanted, unwelcomed, in my world.
A sudden and complete change in my normal pace.


I think there's a better way for you to form that first line. For instance, knock off the abundance of commas, and add in a connecting word to make it flow smoother. Try: "Change is unwanted and unwelcome in my world."

The second line - lose the "change" since you already mentioned it in the first line and the repetition we can do without.

Unwanted, unwelcomed, not easily accepted.
A world that wishes to change is not a world for me.


The second line shows me that the narrator is a bit ignorant, unwilling to accept any form of change even if it's a good change. That warps my view of the entire poem and now I'm feeling a bit pessimistic while reading this.

A sudden shift in the way of life
I know shakes me to my inner core,
leaving me unable to survive.


The weird line break between line one and line two makes the sentence sound awkward. I didn't read it right at first and thought that the second line was incomplete, so I suggest you combine parts of line two into line one so it reads: "A sudden shirt in the way of the life I know" (also add on the bolded word)

Also, she's unable to survive? Now the poem's taken on a dramatic feel.

Stanzas four and five are good.

Do not expect a change suddenly,
over a course of years will be the result.


The last line doesn't make any sense. What will be the result?


On the poem itself, I thought this was all a bit dramatic for a seating change! I figured that this was meant to be satire and humorous, but even if it wasn't, it's still funny. It's hard to take a poem about hating change that was based off of a seating chart change seriously.

Moving on, I thought this poem was really good. Each stanza was dramatic, and the anger and dislike of change radiated in each line. The poem stayed on course, flowed smoothly, had a nice word play and syntax, and was overall nicely written and a pleasure to read. There's room for improvement, but it's still nonetheless good. :) Thank you for sharing!




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Mon Apr 07, 2014 7:13 pm
retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Hey Retro here for a review.

Right, i'm going to ignore your context for what you put in the description because it'll make it too hard to give you a decent review. I'll nitpick then talk about what I liked, okay? :)

'Change is unwanted, unwelcomed, in my world.'

I think the sentence would work better without the second comma, or if not that i'd suggest getting rid of all the commas and having an and between unwanted and unwelcomed.

'A sudden shift in the way of life
I know shakes me to my inner core,
leaving me unable to survive. '

Just because you have for every other stanza I would try and make this two lines, even if it means adding another stanza. It is better if you can to try and maintain either complete randomness, or a pattern :)

'to make me a better version? '

I'm not convinced about the use of version here, I feel as though a simple person would be more poignant and still successfully put across your point.

'Do not expect a change suddenly,
over a course of years will be the result. '

This doesn't flow all too well. I think you might just need to giggle the last line to make it flow much better :)

Right onto what I did like. I love the idea behind not wanting change. I think it is a really clever and well done idea here, even within your context. I think you have nice punchy ideas which have a directed audience which always are nice to see rather than to an omniscient narrator.
One things I have a thing for is the ending of poems so I'll just briefly talk about yours. Ignoring what I said about grammar for a second and I shall analyze it. I love it, for me the end of the poem should be a crux which fully embodies everything and ends the poem well. And this does! You have an excellent idea and a very definite final idea. I think your ending is the strongest point of your poem; so a real well done for it.

Well done,
Keep it up.

Always here,
~Retro





I think the more you understand myths, the more you understand the roots of our culture and the more things will resonate.
— Rick Riordan