This is a copy of the poem I based my short story on:
The Stricken Children
by Denise Levertov
The Wishing Well was a spring
bubbling clear and soundless into a shallow pool
less than three feet across, a hood of rocks
protecting it, smallest of grottoes, from falling leaves,
the pebbles of past wishes peacefully under-water, old desires
forgotten or fulfilled. No one threw money in, one had to search
for the right small stone.
.
This was the place from which
year after year in childhood I demanded my departure,
my journeying forth into the world of magical
cities, mountains, otherness—the place which gave
what I asked, and more; to which
still wandering, I returned this year, as if
to gaze once more at the face
of an ancient grandmother.
And I found the well
filled to the shallow brim
with debris of a culture’s sickness—
with bottles, tins, paper, plastic—
the soiled bandages
of its aching unconsciousness.
.
Does the clogged spring still moisten
the underlayer of waste?
Was it children threw in the rubbish?
Children who don’t dream, or dismiss
their own desires and
toss them down, discarded packaging?
I move away, walking fast, the impetus
of so many journeys pushes me on,
but where are the stricken children of this time, this place,
to travel to, in Time if not in Place,
the grandmother wellspring choked, and themselves not aware
of all they are doing-without?
.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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This is a review about posting poetry in general more than posting this poem because it is not yours, so I can't really say much about it, as Iggy pointed out.
For posting poetry on YWS you can use the [</>] (button) section to better create a concise poem. For instance, in this you use a period to indicate the next stanza.
First off, you'll see something that's like this:
<p> text text text </p>
text text text
.
The way to post poetry is like this:
text text text text <br>text text text <br>
<br>
text text stanza text<br>
text text <br>
or this:
<p>text text text<br>
text text<br>
text text text text<br></p>
<p>text text text<br>
text text<br></p>
the <p> is a paragraph beginning marker. If you use that, then you create a paragraph by putting the <p> paragraph start marker at the front of the stanza, and paragraph end </p> marker at the end of the stanza. Lines should always be followed with a break marker <br> which is just a break, not a start or a stop marker.
Guide by someone else.
Hello!
So this isn't your poem, so I can't really critique it... Next time, you should just include a link in the beginning of your story to this poem, wherever it is originally posted from, so it doesn't get mistaken as plagiarism.
Moving alone, I'm curious to know how you got your story from this poem. It doesn't seem to really focus on abandoned children; more like broken dreams? This poem is a bit hard to understand, but moving on. I do somewhat see the connection here, and I do like your story a bit better because at least it makes sense and holds a clearer message.
Overall, I'm happy to see the connection, even if it is a bit confusing to see how you got inspiration from this. But maybe that's because it's late and I'm tired. Thanks for sharing the poem and for giving credit where credit is due!
I did that with another story I wrote, but then people took one look at the poem and didn't want to read the rest.
Again, thanks!
And now it all comes together.
The bolded words.
The dismissed desires.
Now I understand.
And it was beautiful.
A standing ovation for the amazing work you've done.
Haha, sorry about the confusion with the bolded words, I probably should have put this page in as part 1. But thanks again for your time, effort, and honest opinion.