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Young Writers Society



Shadowed Pryde: Chapter Five

by KnightTeen


Why do I seem to spend most of my time unconscious now?

That was the thought that ran through my head as I dragged myself out of the abyss of sleep, or whatever it was. I wasn't in a cage this time, that much was clear. Feeling around with my hands, I knew I was laying on some sort of bed.

I wasn't in the building that we had been trapped in either. It didn't smell the same. There was an undertone of some sort of fuel, and from the very faint vibrations I could tell we were in some sort of moving vehicle.

“Ouuuuuch.” I moaned. My head was killing me. And that was the least of my problems.

I was strapped down.

Crap.

My brain completely activated once that thought crossed my mind. However, I didn't allow myself to move. I could sense that someone else was in the room with me. I didn't even change my breathing. The last thing I needed was to get caught again.

What if they're about to do what they did to Storm?

Wait. If I'm here, then where are the others?

Dang it. Now I'm going to have to find them again.

I drew a breath, and accidentally twitched. Oops. “I think she's waking up..” I hear a slightly distant and unrecognizable voice say. “Jean, get in here.” Whelp, I wasn't about to stick around for whatever was coming next. I reached out and clicked on my power, making it hover against the surface.

Don't ask me how I was doing it, because I didn't know. It was just instinctual, keeping myself partially solid until the moment I decided to bolt.

A hand touched my forehead, and a second later I sunk through the bed and into the floor. Unlike the last time I dropped, at home, I was in control and somewhat knew what I was doing. Ignoring a woman's surprised shriek, I flipped myself so that I was facing the floor before passing through it and solidifying.

The gymnastics and dance classes paid off. Like my nick-namesake, I landed on my feet. Granted, it wasn't any kind of graceful, and it was closer to falling and stumbling than it was to landing, but I managed to stay on my feet. Add that to the fact that I had enough space to do a complete flip before hitting the ground.

Straightening slowly, I gently clicked my power off, and at once my senses began to go completely haywire, and I couldn't for the life of me tell where I was. I could feel a very strong vibration that was traveling all through my body and causing me to shake. The smell of engine oil and heavy fuel was strong, and nearly drove me to my knees when I breathed. I immediately began to gag, and collapsed, sticking my hands out in front of me to break my fall.

I was probably inhaling something toxic, but I couldn't click my power back on no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't remember how. And then, all of a sudden, I heard this weird sound right next to me.

BAMF.

And then I was gagging for a different reason. This time, it was sulfur.

Gentle strong hands moved me away from the scent, and pushed me into a chest. I began to squirm in an attempt to get away, but relaxed when I recognized the scent. “Kurt, are you trying to kill the poor child?” Storm's African accent reached my ears. She was alright. I continued to cough, even though the need to was slowly fading.

“Nien, nien, I svear it! She vas going to die down there, and I vas the only one who could reach her in time!”

It was the man I had spoken to on the comlink. Finally able to breath easily again, I carefully separated myself from the female mutant. I held out my hand in his general direction. He didn't take it.

Maybe I wasn't close enough.

Following the faint, lingering sulfur scent, I planted myself in front of him and held out my hand again. He didn't even reach out or seem to acknowledge it. I huffed.

“Look Mr. Kurt or whatever I am supposed to call you, I don't know about Germans, but Americans generally shake hands as a polite form of greeting. I don't bite.”

“I do not vish to scare you, little one.”

I think steam came out of my ears.

“Between you, Piotr, Storm, and Logan I am ready to blow a gasket!” I shrieked. “Why do you constantly feel the need to incorporate my size into your names for me? I have a name! Katherine. Kat. Kitty. I prefer the last one, but I will listen to any one of those. The next person who says something about my height is going to be pushed into a wall.”

“Jeez kid, you're feisty.” Wolverine said.

He still didn't take my offered hand, so now that I had substantial control over my body, I cast my senses out to try and make some, well, sense of all this. I could smell cigars (Wolverine), wildflowers (Storm), a hint of vodka (Piotr), sulfur (which I now attributed to Kurt), and three others. The vibrations that had nearly driven me insane were still there, but they weren't as strong. The air pressure indicated that we were in a somewhat largish area. There was a slight whirring noise in two different places, one to my left and behind me. I immediately knew what they both were, having heard them both before.

“Nice jet Professor Xavier,” I said somewhat sarcastically. Okay, really sarcastically. “Tell me, do you often kidnap adolescents?”

Everyone jumped slightly at the sound of my voice. It was a little scratchy from disuse and chemical exposure, but I think that while the sound was weird, the real reason they jumped was because they didn't expect me to speak.

“What? Did I scare you?” I joked.

“You shouldn't even be conscious.” I didn't know that voice. It was male though.

“Oh,” I bit back to whoever he was. “Sorry, my bad. Next time I'll just die, that will make sure I never wake up.”

“What he means Kitty,” Xavier cut in, in an effort to sooth both of us I assume, “Is that you were just in the portion of the jet which contains our fuel, part of the engine, and the filter that keeps the oxygen clean. Add that to the fact that Kurt was the one that got you out and you just endured severe blunt force trauma to the head, we are not even sure you should be alive right now.”

Well, go me. Clearly, I am a survivor.

That buzzing feeling I had felt back when I was with Emma and her creepy partner in crime returned. The Professor was attempting to snoop inside my head, and it was giving me a slight migraine. It was also as uncomfortable as the time one of the girls in my locker room at dance class stole all my thongs, and I had to do my entire routine with my tights and tutu jammed up my butt.

“Didn't your mother ever teach you that it's rude to read peoples minds without their permission?”

The buzzing went away. Apparently, I startled him.

“You can feel that?”

“Yes, and it's giving me a headache.”

“Come here Kitty,” Piotr spoke up, “I will get you an aspirin.”

I nodded my head in thanks, and began to make my way over to him. He was somewhere on my left, and I was confident that I could make it on my own. Others did not share that thought.

“Here, let me help you.” The male I did not know was on his back a second later, trying to get his breath back.

“I am blind.” I told him sternly, shaking my fist for good measure. “I am not helpless. If I ask for help, give it then, and only then.” I had a sudden thought. “Did anyone see my cane?”

“Naw kid, that thing is long gone. Sorry.”

I shrugged. “I've got a spare at home. Several spares actually. I'll be fine until then.” I continued to make my way over the the giant, who handed my a small pill and a glass of water. I downed the medicine gratefully.

“Better?” he asked. I nodded, and thanked him verbally this time. “Think nothing of it.” he replied.

“Kitty?” another new voice, this one female. “May I examine you?”

“Person,” I replied, “No.”

“Kitty,” the Professor admonished, “Don't be rude.”

Well, that was the last straw. I blew.

“Who are you to tell me what to do?” I asked quietly, dangerously. “Who do you think you are?! You show up in my home, force your way into my head, and expect me to just go along with what you say? Then, when I do slightly trust you I end up fighting for my life before being knocked out and shoved into a cage. All of a sudden, I am free, trying to save the lives of your students! Then, once I free Big Guy and Growly over there,” I threw my arm in his general direction, “I'm suddenly out again! And when I wake up, I am strapped to a table like some sort of lab experiment. Now, I've got two totally strangers groping at me, one wanting to basically carry me and the other to 'examine' me. I'm sorry if you think that I'm being rude, but a) it has been a very trying day, and b) I am not about to let someone I don't know look at me like a doctor, when I'm pretty sure she isn't one.” It took me a while, but I eventually ran out of breath.

“I am working on a degree in medicine Kitty, I assure you I am qualified.”

Poor, unsuspecting creature. “You're working on a degree? Really, that's lovely. I'm sure you're doing so well in that. Tell me, are all of your professors male, or do you just get other people to do your homework?”

“Excuse me, but I-” I cut her off. “Look, I'm sure you're nice and all, but I don't know you. Therefore, you aren't touching me. Besides, I'm fine.” It was all the apology she was going to get, and I hoped that she realized that.

“From zhe sound of it Kitty, you are not.” Kurt said gently. “Please just let Jean make sure there are no lasting effects from my sulfur or the chemicals.”

I sighed. “There's no point. My body will heal.”

“Kitty-” I held my hand up, stopping her inverbally this time.

“Does anybody have a knife?” My unexpected question shocked them, I could tell.

“Why do you need a knife Kitty?” Storm cautiously asked. From the way they were all slightly trembling, I could tell that they thought that I lost my mind.

“To prove to you all why I don't need a doctor.”

“Kitty-”

“PLEASE!”

Someone sighed, and the next thing I knew there was a small pocket knife in my right hand. “Logan!” the mystery woman shouted. “What?” he called back, “She ain't gonna let you see her, Jeanie, and she ain't gonna shut up either! So far, all people have done today is take from her. Might as well give her what she wants for once.” I smiled at him. Oh, God I hope I'm right. I would end up looking like a psycho if I wasn't. I flipped open the blade, and slashed it across my left wrist, shrieking slightly at the pain.

Dropping the knife, I fell to my knees clutching my wrist. Hands and voices were everywhere, pushing and pulling at me, but I didn't respond. I was fully focused on the feel of my skin beneath my fingers and the blood running through them.

Thankfully, I had been right when I remembered that fluke accident where I broke my leg and it was fine minutes later. My skin was literally knitting itself back together under my fingers, the blood stopping. By the time it was done, I couldn't even feel a scar.

“There,” I said breathlessly, shoving them all off of me and standing up, brandishing my wrist. Sure, it was covered with blood, but they could probably see that there was no cut.

“You have a healing factor?” the woman, Jeanie, asked incredulously.

“I have no idea what that means,” I told her, “But I can heal myself, yes.”

“Healing and walking through objects? Professor,” the man I did not know exclaimed, “She's incredible!”

“Indeed she is Scott,” Xavier replied, “Which is why I want to make you an offer Kitty.”

“And just what offer is that?” I asked.

“A place in my school, and a position on my team. Tell me Kitty, would you like to become an X-Man?”

My unseeing eyes stared in his direction. An X-Man? Me? Sure, it had been mentioned several times, but with everything going on I never really had the chance to think about it. What did I know?

I knew I was a mutant, and apparently I was powerful. I knew that a lot of people wanted me. Frost wanted me for my abilities. The Professor, for all his faults and patronization, seemed to genuinely want to help me figure this out. They all did.

I wasn't sure that I wanted to leave though. As much as I griped about it, I love my parents and my home. My school, dance class, it was all familiar. I could navigate it without even thinking. And this school was in New York. I'd be on the other side of the country. I'd never been more than 20 miles from my parents for more than a few hours. This would be beyond stepping outside of my comfort zone.

But in all honesty, what did Deerfield hold for me? There was no one there who could help me figure this whole thing out. My mom and dad hated my eyes, how would they react if they found out what else I could do? These people, even though they drove me crazy, seemed to be the only ones who maybe knew what I was going through, and wanted me for something more than my powers. In all honesty, what did I have to lose?

“Where do I sign?” I asked.


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1634 Reviews


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Thu Apr 10, 2014 7:40 pm
Deanie wrote a review...



Hola again Kitty! Me here after reviewing the fourth one... for the final one in this novella :)

I loved the ending... Kitty's shown us her skills, and we get to se her character in full spout as she talks to all these people. I loved when she called the unknown lady person, simply dismissing her.

I was curious to know more about the sulfur-smelling guys power. His power is basically that he smells like sulfur right? And what about it, what more? I felt like since he was kind of a new addition (well at least the first time we got to see him in person) it would be nice to hear a bit more from him. At least that is what I was interested in knowing.

Well, go me. Clearly, I am a survivor.


Just yes. That character voice <3

I was a bit confused. Everyone jumped because they didn't expect her to be speaking because she should be unconscious... but moments before hand she was standing up and ranting? So why would they be in the least bit surprised if a minute ago she was speaking again. She seemingly paused to think by the way I gathered it while reading. Maybe there should've been something in between there... or asterisks to break the scene like these: *** But I didn't understand the jump and it was a little bit confusing.

It would be nice if Kitty got filled in with what happened to her when she got knocked out. I mean one moment she opens the door and gets a clean hit to her head... and then bam she's strapped to a table in a jet. I was wondering what might've happened in between, a little battle or something? And I'm pretty sure a feisty girl like Kitty would want to know what had been happening to her, at least.

This was pretty short because it was well written, and frankly all the reviews beforehand covered anything more to be mentioned. I will go on to read the days of Future Pryde!

Deanie x




KnightTeen says...


:)



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Sun Apr 06, 2014 9:23 pm
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here for another review! (Thanks for pinging me!)

As always, Nitpicks first!

Nien --German for "No" :D


“Jeez kid, you're feisty.” Wolverine said. ---I think normally, that would be one sentence.


Well, that was the last straw. I blew. ---Blew what? Blew up?


“I am working on a degree in medicine Kitty, I assure you I am qualified.” ---I believe that should be two sentences?


just endured severe blunt force trauma to the head, ---Now that just confused me... Are those all adjectives or is that a term? If they are just adjectives, they could be shortened up a bit. :D



Thankfully, I had been right when I remembered that fluke accident where I broke my leg and it was fine minutes later. ---Maybe its the awkward phrasing, or the fact that you are giving us back story during an action moment when we are all concerned if she is going crazy, but this seems out of place.


the man I did not know --That seems to show up several times during your chapter here... And it doesn't seem to fit in very well. Wouldn't it be easier if she just learned the guy's name?


“Indeed she is Scott,” ---That part makes it sound like the guy is calling Kitty Scott... I think a comma is required in-between "is" and "Scott"


Which is why I want to make you an offer Kitty.” --I think you need a comma in-between "offer" and "kitty"


give it then, and only then. --The two "then" make it sound redundant... Perhaps just eliminate the first one?


Faving time, style, and a whole pile of things, besides

So I guess I might have overdone it with nitpicking... This was a very cool story. I love your style, honestly. To me, its something like the writer of Hunger Games... What is her name? I will remember someday. But your style is similar to hers... Except in a more teen-like way. You have your own twist to everything, and the way you word it is SO you. I love it.

I think you have done an amazing job developing your character, but no just through her thoughts like many writers--myself included--like to do. Her personality is developed through her ACTIONS even more so. Like how she slit her wrist like that? Impulsive. She didn't really even stop to think about it. She just did. The little things like that spread throughout really give your character(Kitty) a lot of depth. Amazing job there!

I am a trifle disappointed in you, though. Instead of telling us that, yes, you shall continue on his epic(and quite dangerous) quest for your heroine, you. just. stopped. it. Any explanation for that? Hmmm??

Kitty is becoming an X-man (woman hee-hee). She is going to seriously kick some butt. Sorry this took so long! I had most of this written last week, but before I could post it(review day) I was called away. I only got one review done for review day. :( I hope this review makes up for the delay.
May the force be with you, and Kitty. :D
~Darth Timmyjake




KnightTeen says...


timmy, you got one review done. I couldn't even participate. :( No wifi.
Thanks man!



timmyjake says...


No problem! I love reviewing for you. :)



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Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:17 pm
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey KT! Happy Review Day ^^

So I apologize for not reading the other parts first, but I am totally going to now. This is good! But what else did I expect from my mod in crime?

I totally adore Kitty and her spunk. For a blind girl, she's got a kick to her, and I can tell she won't go down without a fight. I love it! I love the way she was talking to the X-Men, telling them off, letting them know in no uncertain terms that they were wrong to have her strapped down and examined like a lab rat. I would've done the same thing.

I am super curious to know how she can have the same power as Logan, since mutants tend to have unique powers that are only seen by one and one only, but I'm sure you have a good explanation for that.

From what I've seen so far, Kitty is a strong girl who's used to taking care of herself. I love that she took the knife and quickly slashed her wrist. Most people would've been hesitant. This tells me that she is a well developed character and I'd love to see more of her. ^^

Overall, this was nicely written. I like that Kitty had to think about Professor X's request before accepting it. That shows me she is levelheaded and smart and also had a normal life before all of this. This was a pleasure to read, and you win bonus points for choosing one of my favorite fandoms. ^^ Thanks for sharing!




KnightTeen says...


Keep on reading Iggy, and you will see why Kitty has Logan's powers and eyes similar to Scott and Gambit.
And as for the normal life....well...it's not as normal as you think.

*smirks*



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Sun Mar 30, 2014 10:08 pm
GreenLight24 wrote a review...



Hey there KT! GreenLight24 here with a review for you as we continue to push through this magnificent March review day! :D before I dive into this one, let me take this opportunity to apologize beforehand for any typos or mistakes I undoubtedly make as I writing reviews from my iPhone rather than my laptop at the moment.

Now then, the review.

*clears throat*

First of all, I haven't read any if the other chapters of this novel, so I'm not really going to be focusing on the plot. Instead, I will be reviewing this chapter as a stand-alone piece. I think that you've done a very good job with this chapter's pacing and narrative voice. I know from experience that one of the hardest parts of writing a novel is developing narrative voice. How do you want the novel to sound? How do you want your main character to come across? From reading this chapter, I can tell that you've out a lot of though into these questions in developing the character of Kat/Kitty/ one other name that slips my mind at the moment lol. The style of writing here is generally exciting and lends itself well to the events of the chapter. You kept it fresh and exciting through to the very end. :) I commend you for your work in both of those areas. :)

My biggest area of constructive criticism would simply be the technical aspects of this chapter. In short, this chapter is hella long! :P (no pun intended) I don't know if you normally post chapters this long with this novel or if this is just the odd one out, but if you do I would suggest cutting down your chapters a bit. This way, your engaging and exciting style of writing would be even more effective in keeping the sroryline entertaining and moving forward at a nice an steady pace.

Other than that, I don't have much else to criticize here. :) Happy review day ad never stop writing! :D




KnightTeen says...


Yeah, this was one of the longer chapters. I tend to write between 5-7 pages on my processor, but this one ended up being 8 because I hated the way I shortened a scene and decided to keep it the way it was. :)

Thanks!



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Thu Mar 27, 2014 11:58 pm
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lostthought wrote a review...



It's done! Another achievement by knight! Let's review this. I'll be busy review day and I might not have a review on this.

Nitpicks!

Spoiler! :
“Ouuuuuch.” I moaned
"Ouuuuuch," I moaned


“You shouldn't even be conscious.” I didn't know that voice. It was male though.
Wait, I thought they already knew she was awake. Where did it say she stayed asleep?


The final chapter of your novella. If this was for nano, how is it 50,000 words?

Yay! Kitty is an X-Man, or is it X-Men? Either way, yay! You have finished your first novella. There shall be more expectations of you now. I like how they are all jumpy when she talks. It's like *weak and blind one, how are you awake? We thought you were sleeping* talk about being under estimated.

Well, you finished this but I am unsure whether you are going to write more on the subject. Keep writing,

-lost




KnightTeen says...


The way I am writing this is like comic books sort of.

This was the first arc/novella. The next part should be out sometime next month. So, yeah, I am totally writing more of Kitty. I love her too much to let her go.

And about the last nitpick, he's saying that because the chemicals she was exposed to should have caused her pass out. He's trying to understand why she hasn't.




One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex