The Great Departure

I am listening to music so when I read this, I sort of adapted it to music and I like it. I think you've got a great start for a song. It's kind of short unless you're going on AI, but hey, that's songs for you. I think you could try to add more of a bridge where you change the meaning of what's being said, maybe explain somehow where this would go and then ending with the chorus is typical for songs.

Personally I really want to know what sort of song this would make. Is it supposed to be rock, alternative, jazz? What sort of song is this? If we had that bit of information we might have a better idea of what sort of tune would go with it. Is this supposed to be sung quiet and soft or loud and screaming? Where is it loud and quiet? Songs should have variety, I think that's really the biggest thing that is lacking now-a-days. It's sort of like if everything was dark shades, there would be no contrast, well if everything is quiet, or everything is loud, there is no contrast to make this more interesting. Take this into account and perhaps even give us some instruction on how to read it so we understand the song better, or sing it for us.

For me, I think my favorite part of this song is probably the first few lines. I don't really understand meet at the end of the first stanza, but I think that's probably because you're using an old version of it, or you might mean meat? I am not exactly sure how a clown comes into this because we don't have much of what's going on, just the rhymes and things. I don't like the last stanza. I feel like it's not pulling it's weight. You don't really have enough of the story to get to this point and understand it.

Overall, I'd suggest adding like 2 or 3 more stanzas and changing up the chorus by the end in order to make this poem better. I hope this helps.

Heya! Here's a review for you, representing team blue in this fantastic March review day! Before I start this review, I just gotta let you know that I'm reviewing from my iphone, so please excuse any typos (of which there may be many).

First of all, I really love these lyrics you've written here. This seems like it would be an awesome song if you decided to out some music to it. I don't know if you are a musician or if you were just trying your hand at writing a song, but if you are a musician, you should definitely go the extra mile with this one. This was bombin! In my belief, music and poetry are the two most emotional written art forms, and you did a great job of conveying potent emotions with your imagery and careful diction.

Nice job! I hope this review helps you going forward and happy review day! Awesome song! Always keep writing!!!