Ok I have no idea what 'Night' by Elie Wiesel is but omg how the hell did you manage to put so much weight and emotion into such a little amount of words?!
(Dedicated to Night by Elie Wiesel.)
"Mom, mom please stop! They will hit you again."
My mother keeps shouting,
"Jews look at the fire, the flames.”
I begin to cry; the cold drops of sorrow run down my cheeks. So innocent they say I am! I wish not to be innocent; I wish not to be so hindered by moral constraints. Be it so at this point I could never hit my mother, but if I were so free as to grab her by the shoulders and shake her out of this mystery of flame I could feel a bit better about myself.
“Jews, the flames!”
I yell in my feeble little voice;
“Mother please stop! There are no flames!”
A dark shadow steps over me. A man? Nay, men we are not on this train. Men we shall never be again for this, thing, reaches down and strikes the woman. My mother, so pale and weak, returns to her corner. No longer shouting, she sits in her lifeless trance, devoid of all animation. So weak and helpless do I feel. So weak.
Ok I have no idea what 'Night' by Elie Wiesel is but omg how the hell did you manage to put so much weight and emotion into such a little amount of words?!
Happy review day! Let's review this sucker.
The detail is such a short piece is surprising. We have the Mom, who is possibly going crazy. Then we have the son who has to watch as his mother is hit by a mysterious man. Possibly wouldn't be so much a mystery if I had read the book though.
For some reason the sentences sound funky. Like yoda sentences (inverse) but not quite so. It has a certain tange in it and it is nice to say, even if it is strange.
I would say historical fiction in place of realistic fiction since realistic fiction is modern while historic is well, historic.
Are these people Jews? Are they waiting to be burned at the flames? Put to work at concentration camps where they would be sucked out of all happiness? I'm curious, what happens next!?
Are there more people on the train or is it just the boy and his mother? I think more because you say men as in plural. What are the other prisoners doing? Are they minding their own business or are they watching?
Well, keep writing and welcome to YWS!
-lost
Ah! Only those who have read the book will remember this scene.
For something so short, you did quite well with this. I do feel like you could've done better, added in more details. For instance, I read the book, so I know where this is set. But for someone who has not read the book, how would they know that this was set during the Holocaust? One would assume by the mention of Jews, but then again, it might now be that obvious. So I suggest you add some more detail to this, and establish a time period and a setting.
Also, some more sensory details won't kill you! All you tell us is the boy is crying. Okay. What're the reactions of the other prisoners? What is the boy's reaction to them hitting his mother? If I remember correctly, she was tied down, so if she is in this adaption of yours, how does that make him feel? Does the mother even see the flames?
Also, what's the boy's view on these "flames"? Does he believe her, or does he think her insane? I know he's worried about her and fearing for her safety, but surely he must think something of these flames she sees. And even if he thinks her insane, just say so.
Overall, this was nicely written, and a good thing to write about, for I always wondered what the other prisoners thought of this supposed mad woman, but still, it can be improved. But what you have is good, so even if you don't expand it, no worries. 
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