16+ Language Mature Content

Chapter 1

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

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A warm ray of sunlight light shone through the window and glared right into Rekkan’s eyes. He hissed and rolled over onto his side. God how he hated mornings. He had had the dream again, too. It taunted him. Every time, he’d be walking down the docks, and there would be a scream. It was a chilling, desperate scream. He knew he had to find her. How he knew that exactly, he had no idea. But he knew he had to find her. He would run around the seemingly endless tents and wagons looking for her. Finally, he came to the wagon where the scream was coming from and then…

“Rekkan! Get your sorry ass out of bed before I kick it out!”

All sleep left his eyes and he leapt out of bed. He had learned long ago not to piss his father off. Throwing on his clothes as fast as he could, Rekkan sprung down the stairs and into the kitchen below. His mother and father were in there, along with Mae, the old house keeper. She was helping his Samgori wash Canateer’s dishes. His father sat at the table with the morning paper in his lap reading.

Trying not to disturb him, Rekkan quietly slunk into his chair and started eating his oatmeal. He didn’t really care for the stuff, but Canateer said it was good to put meat on his bones. Meat wasn’t really important to him, but it was to his father. Rekkan did the best he could to not taste it.

After he finished, he slunk past his father again and went back upstairs. Mae would take care of the dishes. He went down the hallway and into the bathroom. He paused and looked into the mirror. His blue eyes were bloodshot from staying up reading. His long white hair was all knotted up and gross from lack of care. He tried to comb it with little luck.

Rekkan wasn’t a very imposing person. He was barely 6’8”. That put him almost a foot shorter than most other kids his age. He was very skinny and gangly. Lots of people picked on him because of being short, but what they made fun of the most was his hair. Nobody in the whole world as far as he knew had white hair, even the Elders had glossy silver. And it had peculiar qualities also. When he tried to cut it off, it somehow would grow back within several hours until it was shoulder length again. Eventually, he had just given up on trying to hide it and just dealt with the harassment.

In comparison to the other Amborians in Pokel, Rekkan was an abnormity. They all had hair in shades of silver, brown, or black. Not white. Also, nobody had blue eyes. Greens and purples were the most common. Having both white hair and blue eyes made him an easy target for low-esteemed bullies.

Rekkan washed and dried his face. Today is going to suck, he thought to himself gloomily. it was the beginning of Reneer’s Day celebrations. The whole town got together to celebrate the eviction of the barbaric Exorians from Ambor. They ate lots of food and drank. Then that night there were parades and fireworks. This year’s celebrations were going to be even bigger than ever. The slave traders from the Capital had been delayed earlier in the winter, so they were coming in the spring instead. It so happened that the day they were arriving was Reneer’s Day. Even more people would show up. And Rekkan hated people with a passion. His sulking was interrupted by and abrupt yell.

“I don’t care what he wants to do! He is going to work in the fishery and he’s going to like it!” Canateer roared from downstairs. Rekkan groaned inwardly. Normally, Canateer was out working at the docks by this time in the morning, but since it was a holiday he stayed home to make everyone’s lives a living hell. He was prone to temper tantrums and often released it on Rekkan and his mother. Sometimes if it was really bad, he would feel sorry afterwards and buy them nice things. To him this made up for the things he did.

He heard his mother apologize and then the door slam. That meant that Canateer was gone. Samgori never slammed the door. She was very calm. Somehow she had managed to live with the man for 25 years. That took quite a bit of patience.

He walked down the stairs slowly, just in case. He peeked around the corner. Canateer was nowhere in sight. Thank God, Rekkan sighed with relief. That man was easy to hate. He looked around for his mother. She wasn’t in the kitchen. Puzzled, he searched for a note. Her absence was rather unusual. Most of the time she didn’t leave the house unless she went shopping for groceries in the market or to go to her knitting class at the Town Hall. On the table he found it.

Going with your father to town. I won’t be home until late tonight.

Rekkan’s mood lifted. That meant that he didn’t have to go to the stupid celebration. He would be able to stay home and read. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Very... hmm mundane. But in a good way. It shows that everybody is normal in a way.... have similar thoughts.

I like that you came up with your own species. In my opinion, that's hard to do.

I like it so far!

User avatar
manisha
Review
manisha wrote a review · Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:12 pm

Hiya!
Manisha here to review.
I'll review as I read :)

God how he hated mornings.
I think there should be a comma after God.

She was helping his Samgori wash Canateer’s dishes.
I thought Canateer was another person and not his dad. Maybe you could clear that up for the reader in the beginning and mention that Canateer is the dad's name? And what is Samgori?

His father sat at the table with the morning paper in his lap reading.
This sentence sounds awkward.
It sounds like lap reading is some sorta thing. You want to say that he sat at the table with the paper on his lap and that he was reading right?
You could probably try-
His father sat at the table reading the morning paper which was on his lap.
or
His father sat at the table with the morning paper on his lap.
And it is on his lap.

After he finished, he slunk past his father again and went back upstairs
You have already used the word slunk in the before paragraph. I suggest you put in a synonym for slunk in his para.

He was barely 6’8”.
6'8'' is short?! O.O

Nobody in the whole world as far as he knew had white hair, even the Elders had glossy silver.
Oh, I see people in this land are super tall and look different. Alright!

it was the beginning of Reneer’s Day celebrations.
Typo. it should be It.

His sulking was interrupted by and abrupt yell.
and is an

Overall-

You have a good start and have created a strong image of Rekkan. Your flow and language is good. The details are concise and yet tell all the necessary stories. Great job!
8/10.
I look forward to reading more!

PM if you have any questions.
Hope I helped!
-manisha

This is a really good piece of writing. Your plot and story line is most intriguing and I actually can't wait to read more of this.
I've noticed that your sentences are short and sharp and to the point in places. This is a good technique as it leaves the reader with only information they need and also makes it dramatic too.
Your story has started off very well, and I can't wait to read more :D
-CFG



I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera