Young Writers Society

Hi, hope you had a good day. Reviewing after nearly two months so please don't go too hard on me.

Firstly, I love this poem. It's lovely and is very expressive when it comes to emotions. I liked the figurative imagery used at times; it adds spice to your work. You really make the readers feel the anger, sadness and loneliness that girl is going through. I think your poem could use a bit of arranging- some lines are too long while some are short and that could use balancing.

Overall: I really liked this poem and hope to read more from you very soon.

- Anshira.

Hey

So this is a very angry poem. 'your fucked up version of ‘daddy’s little girl’ is a lie.' to say the least. I am glad you rated it as you did, because the ideas in this are definitely suited to younger readers.
I don't know what inspired you to write this piece, but I can imaginee that the majority of it stemmed from personal experience. Which is great, sure, but at the same time, the whole poem is completely tainted with it.

'Feeling intoxicated just so I could forget myself,
I hated myself.
I just wanted feel appreciated.
Acknowledged, cared for. '

The way you are phrasing the mentions of your ideas is fairly standard, so the audience can understand what the narrator is feeling and saying within the poem. I think if you made it anymore personal you would lose that connection and it wouldn't carry off as well as it does.

I like what you're doing here, mainly because I admire the honesty in the piece, however, I do't understand what overall message you are trying to leave the reader with.
'Because you ruined her with your false visions of what good parenting actually looks like.'
This seems like the sort of thing you should have written to show to the parents to deliberately piss them off and make them understand the severity of their actions.
If I am correct and that's what you have done here, then right on!

Hello!
This was an excellent piece of work. I would have loved to see you perform it. Even though I can not hear your voice, I feel as though the words would flow out of you with a hint of shakiness in your voice. It sure did chill my bones. I enjoyed the perspective change in the last line, it summed up the poem quite nicely.
It had very nice rhythm and the hook sentence was well constructed.
My only critique:
"your fucked up version of ‘daddy’s little girl’ is a lie"
The "y" should have been capitalized. Obviously, if you were to present the actual slam, this would not matter.
There were a few other lines that could have been capitalized, but it didn't AT ALL take away the importance of this piece of work.
I was able to relate to a lot of it on a different level, and it had a very sad tone. When the speaker mentioned that they left evidence, I almost cried. It's funny how one line can be so hard hitting.
Overall, fantastic work! I will be reading more from you soon!