z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Book Man, Chapter 25 (Revised)

by BluesClues


25 THE CROSSING

The Fair was as raucous as ever. Christian was so jumpy from the encounter with the harpies that the crowds and smells, the laughter of children and the shouting of vendors overwhelmed him. A burst of fire from a juggler scared him so badly that he leapt backward into a circus tent to escape it, losing his grip on Minerva’s hand. A group of minstrels wandered past the tent’s entrance, blocking his view of the crowd, and when it cleared he had lost sight of her.

“Minerva,” he called. “Minerva!”

A hand landed on his shoulder as he started forward. It pulled him back into the tent, where he heard a familiar voice saying, “Oho! Not leaving my show so soon, are you?”

Christian turned around unwillingly and found himself face to face with the purple-clad, tawny-eyed ringmaster he had met on his first night in the park. He looked around but did not see her blue-coated counterpart.

“Your—your sister isn’t here, is she?” he asked. He did not intend to be used as a tug-o-war rope between the two ringmasters again. He would never catch up with Minerva if they waylaid him.

“Good heavens, no,” the ringmaster said. “She never comes to my show. I’m sure she’s out in the crowd at this very moment, trying to steal my customers before they can even come to the door. Now, my dear fellow, I do apologize, but I cannot recall your name from when we met the other day. Not one jot, and it’s been bothering me so, for I’m good with faces, you know. Never forget a face, never forget a name, that’s what I always say! What was it, again?”

“Christian Abernathy,” the accountant said before he could stop himself. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I have to—”

Minerva materialized out of the crowd, her face white and drawn. “There you are. This is no time for circuses.”

“No time for circuses!” the ringmaster said. “Nonsense, good lady. Any time is a good time for the circus—my circus, anyway. My sister’s, of course, is a complete waste of time. Come, I’ll show you.”

“We can’t, thank you,” Minerva said, shepherding Christian toward the exit. (He went gladly.) “I’m sorry, ma’am but—”

“Rowan, my dear, call me Rowan,” the ringmaster said, clasping Minerva’s hands between both of her own. “I insist. The best seats in the house, I promise you.”

Minerva extricated her hands from the ringmaster’s. Hesitation flitted across her face, but then she leaned close to Rowan’s golden curls and said, “We have to see the Guardian. It’s a matter of some urgency.”

The smile died on the ringmaster’s face.

“I quite understand,” she said quietly, her expression somber. “By all means, be on your way.”

She seemed unable to resist shouting after them, however, for as they made their way back outside they heard her voice floating over the crowds: “But be sure to come back to my show when everything’s settled—not my sister’s, you understand—mine!”

“Incorrigible,” Christian said. “She and her sister both.”

Though Rowan’s blue-clad sister accosted them outside her tent and tried to draw them inside, they continued on without stopping until they reached the edge of the fairgrounds, where the crowds thinned and the Rover caravan was silhouetted against the firelight.

Balloon-animals spilled from the door of Imelda’s wagon. As Christian and Minerva neared it, they heard her shouting, “For the love of God, stop with the balloon-animals! There’s barely enough room in here for one of us—”

There was a response from Conrad, too low for Christian to make out the words.

“Horse shit,” Imelda said. “This is my home. Oh, what I wouldn’t do to you if your leg was healed—”

The curtain in the wagon doorway was flung aside, upsetting the balloon-animals on the stairs. They moved of their own accord, butterflies and ladybirds flapping upwards, frogs leaping away through the grass. They must come alive like the statues, the accountant thought vaguely, but then Imelda appeared in the wagon doorway and scowled at him.

“Good, you’re here,” she said. “How about you take care of him for a change? Mulish man.”

Without another word, she stomped down the stairs and stalked off to join the other Rovers.

The interior of the wagon was crowded so thickly with balloon-animals that they blocked the view to the bunk on the back wall. Christian pushed them aside as he made his way through the wagon. When Conrad came into view, his brow was puckered with worry or stubbornness; his friend wasn’t sure which. As urgent as the situation was, the accountant couldn’t help but ask, “How are you feeling?”

“Nearly out of my skull with boredom. Wish my leg would hurry up and heal, but it keeps opening up.”

Christian remembered Aurelia’s troubling comment about Conrad living “after all,” but the matter of the harpies breaching the park wall pressed more heavily on his mind.

“What’s more,” Conrad continued, “it’s my anniversary tomorrow, and Liza’s going to be all by her lonesome. Poor woman. I meant to take her to the Aquarium.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take her,” Christian said shortly. “Conrad—”

His friend’s eyebrows crept upwards in surprise at his tone. “What’s eating you, lad?”

“There are harpies in the gardens,” Minerva said.

Conrad’s face sagged. He took in a long breath, but when he spoke, all he asked was, “You’re the Caretaker?”

“Yes. My name is Minerva. Christian says you can help.”

The balloon-artist’s glasses flashed in the blaze of the fire outside. Christian’s hands were trembling; he clasped them together, hoping no one would notice, but Minerva saw him out of the corner of her eye and laid her fingers on his forearm.

“Christian,” the balloon-artist said at last, “I think you should go.”

Christian blinked at him. “What—what do you mean?”

Minerva’s fingers tightened on his arm.

Conrad sighed and looked up at the ceiling as he spoke. “Look, lad. I know you like it here, and I’m glad you’ve made some friends—” with a sideways glance at the woman clutching the accountant’s arm—“but things are getting—shall we say—out of hand. Harpies should not be able to get into the gardens. You saw them?”

“With our own eyes,” Minerva said. “They couldn’t touch the roses, but—”

The balloon-artist nodded. “But they shouldn’t be able to get in at all.”

“Conrad—” Christian’s mouth had gone dry. “Conrad—”

“It’s too dangerous, lad. I never would have brought you into all this in the first place if I hadn’t needed help, and I—”

“Conrad—”

“—I want you to give me the key and leave, and I want you to stay away until you see me walking out of this park on my own two feet.”

It felt as if a band had tightened around Christian’s lungs.

“Conrad—” he whispered, but he didn’t know what else to say.

“Please, lad. I need to know you’re safe, you and Liza.”

The accountant looked at Minerva, but she said gently, “He’s right.”

She released his arm. Without her fingers, his skin felt cold.

“But—” he started. Leave the park? The harpies had frightened him, it was true, but how could they ask him to leave? How could he bear going to the accounting firm each day, knowing he would be just across the street from his friends when he got home yet unable to visit them? How could he sit in his silent house, alone except for his books and his cat, when he knew there was a bigger world outside? They might as well ask him to shut himself inside dark closet.

Conrad pushed himself up in bed with difficulty. His muscles strained, but he ignored Imelda’s shout through the window and remained upright.

(“Don’t come crying to me when your leg opens up again! If you think for one minute that I’m going to patch you up after the way you’ve cluttered up my home with your nonsense—”)

“Not until I walk out of here myself,” he said. “Promise me, lad.”

His arms trembled with the exertion of holding himself up, his face was the color of putty, but Christian was arrested by his expression. It was the same look his father had worn when his mother was diagnosed with lung cancer ten years after her husband stopped smoking.

“Promise me, lad. Promise.”

Christian promised


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Mon Jul 21, 2014 1:21 pm
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TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here!

Yay! He is--oh no. You had to do that, didn't you? Now Christian is held to a promise, he must never go back to the Park. Of course we all know that this particular promise cannot be upheld--because the story would be over! Christian doesn't seem like the sort of person who would break a promise, though, but very trustworthy and reliable in just about everything. I wonder how you are going to work this, because of the aforementioned issues. (sorry. I just love that word... so essayish! :D ) But you always know what to do... I am sure you have figured things out to perfection, and are snickering at my dismay here. <.< SHAME ON YOU.

They caught him again. O_o Not only are the circus performers annoying, but they are persistent as well! Every time they see him, or one of them sees him, they have to pull him into their circuses--and then Minerva as well. I take it they don't have very much of an audience? Their characters are extremely vivid and lively, and their dialogue is always hilarious. You have many different characters in your book, ranging from the stoically serious to the insanely funny (and crazy). I just love the variety and what you do with them.

toward the exit. (He went gladly.)


I know I am trying to wean myself off these kinds of nitpicks for your book, but... I don't think the part in the parenthesis fits. Sorry, the parenthesis don't fit. You have them in your book scattered throughout, and that is just a part of your style that adds more, but I think its a bit out of place here and would be easier to just say, toward the exit, who went gladly or something similar, but without the parenthesis.

They moved of their own accord, butterflies and ladybirds flapping upwards,


Umm... wow. That was an amazing visual and an amazing move by you, Blue. I just love these little things in your story that seem so miniscule and insignificant, but pulled together build your story up to something great. The balloon animals becoming real--or at least moving--in the park was genius and perfect. <3

“Promise me, lad. Promise.”

Christian promised


I think that when Conrad says it the second time, after Christian has gone through his little period of thought, it pulls the reader away from Christian and to Conrad again, which doesn't seem right and make this part less tense. I think you could do away with that line altogether, and merely have the part where Christian is remember his mother being diagnosed with cancer--and then his promise.

Oh! You need a period after the last sentence. Yup. Totally a nitpick for this piece. :P

Amazing work, Blue. You have kept my attention riveted to your story far longer than anyone else has ever done. Truly. This story is, so far, my favorite reviewing adventure I have ever done on YWS.

~Darth Timmyjake




BluesClues says...


(sorry. I just love that word... so essayish! :D )


Me too :) "Aforementioned" is where it's at.

The balloon animals becoming real--or at least moving--in the park was genius and perfect.


So that didn't confuse you or anything? Because at first, one person was like, "Wait, those are balloon-animals?" and then another person was like, "Wait, you already said those were balloon-animals." Did I finally get it right?

(Wait, did you realize the bubble-like butterflies he saw on his first night in the park were balloon-animals that had come to life, or is that still unclear?)

This story is, so far, my favorite reviewing adventure I have ever done on YWS.


Stop it, you're making me blush.



timmyjake says...


Not confusing at allll...

Nooo... I didn't realize that the first time. :P



BluesClues says...


Okay. But things still made sense to you and whatnot? So I don't have to worry about that bit?



timmyjake says...


Nope! All good. :)



BluesClues says...


Awesome. Muchos gracias.



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Thu Jul 10, 2014 6:52 pm
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Deanie says...



what I wouldn’t do to you if your leg was healed


Do you mean what I would do to you? what I wouldn't do for you?




BluesClues says...


It's like how people say "could care less" or "couldn't care less" but mean exactly the same thing. So she means more like "what I would do to you," like she's mad at him and also she's mad because she can't beat him up or anything because he's already severely injured.



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Sun Apr 06, 2014 3:41 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Heya Blue!

I hope to write something more reasonable for this one. I am so happy to see the end chapter about the rose bushes. It gave the whole thing a magical feel to it, and I'm kind of glad Liza's caught on to the fact that something is happening in the park so she doesn't have to worry about her husband having an affair or something.

I like how you put obstacles in their way, like the crows and the spider. Did they only come because all the fair folk and so on cleared away though? Or were there bad things like this hanging around before, just hiding out because the good magic was protecting them? I know the crows came and went, which was interesting to see. But why did light make them go away, and what did they want in the first place? To eat the three? I'm curious as to these questions.

Liza really has made me curious. How does she know so much about things medically and picking locks. I'm looking forwards to hearing her story as to how she has all this knowledge. Also, she does seem to take all this magic in her stride and so on... I would've liked to see her freak out just a little bit. It might be nice to know your husband isn't with some other lady but is it really any better than hearing that he could be injured or attacked by some crazy creatures that you never knew exist?

I knew it, I knew it! I knew Mr. Catcher always knew more than he let on! No one seems the least bit panicked that he was breathing so heavily. It is just because of old age right, nothing bad happening to him otherwise? Be nice to have it quickly mentioned, him reassuring them its just his old body or something. Another background story I'm looking forwards to... how he knows about the park!

As always, wonderfully written. Apart from those few questions there I am looking forwards to reading more!

Deanie x




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Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:52 pm
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Messenger wrote a review...



Messenger is back for another review or two for you! I briefly saw something about action in Rydia's review so I am pretty pumped for this chapter!Let's gat started!


Liza shrugged. “Used to be faster. I’m out of practice.”

Out of practice? What kind of criminals had Christian gotten himself involved with?

Well I wasn't expecting THAT to come from Liza. Oh well, you learn something new every day!

He turned back to look at her, but she was pointing with a shaking finger to something out in the clear. Mr. Catcher’s eyes were wide with fright. Christian whirled back around just in time to see a giant spider cross their path.

Gaah! I literally jumped at this. I wasn't expecting it at all.

One thing I noticed with the crow attack is the fact that although you explain the action well, you don't say Christian is going through any pain. Now obviously we assume it, but you should add something about it.

So I finished. This is what I would call a supportive chapter. It doesn't have any news huge things that happened (besides the spider, crows, and Liza obviously having an interesting past as well as Mr. Catcher) but it was still enjoyable to read. I love the fairies you've created, and I couldn't help but smile and laugh at the gnome. See you at the next chapters!

~Messenger




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Sun Mar 30, 2014 7:22 pm
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Rydia wrote a review...



Look what I found... this is probably going to be my last review, but I figure I'll be more useful reviewing something continuous, even if I have done it out of order xD

Specifics

1. I like Christian's feelings about picking the lock and the explanation to go with it. That's a nice way of adding depth to his character and gives us a lovely insight into the way he thinks.

2. I'd have liked more description of the spider! I know what a spider looks like, but what does a big spider look like? Some kind of hairy monster? Does it take a moment to dawn on Christian that it is a spider? I remember that being a really great part of the Harry Potter book, when Aragog was described and it was even scarier than a giant spider because this was a big, hairy something! Giant spiders deserve more screen time than a few lines ;)

3. Wait, they're all okay with the giant spider? I feel like they shouldn't all have the same reaction - at least one of them should be visibly freaking out. This is the kind of thing which allows you to separate characters' personalities. For example, if Luke, my sister and I were in this scene then I know both Luke and Claire would be freaking out and I would have to be the one to say it's only a spider and to make them quiet down (even though in my head I'd be a bit like aaargh giant spider! too). They're all a little too calm.

4. The crows leave a little quickly and I wouldn't mind a sentence or two there with them observing their wounds and picking themselves back up. One of them's an old man! I'm young and healthy and I'd still be totally concerned about the gouges from crows clawing at my hands and nipping at my body. I want to feel like this is a struggle for them. At the moment, you move between each action scene and it's building into danger, but then when it passes, it seems to leave no impact behind. No consequences.

Overall

I loved all of the action in this chapter but I felt it left me with the most questions, especially about the characters. I dislike how capable Liza is - she can even put up a tent better than the boys. That's frustrating. As much as I want to see a strong female character, I found it hard to identify with someone who's so good at everything and it made me feel distant from her. I wanted to see emotion from Liza and what we get instead is a very firm 'can do' attitude. I like Mr Catcher more than her, or at least sympathise with him better because he's out of breath and needing help to get away from the crows.

So just something small to think about! Other than that, I thought it was a fun chapter and there's lots of interesting stuff going on.

Heather xx




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Tue Mar 18, 2014 2:26 am
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Iggy wrote a review...



WHY WOULD YOU BRING SPIDERS INTO THIS DO YOU HATE ME OR SOMETHING

Spoiler! :
Image


But I digress. Onto the review.

Liza had doubled back, picked up his glasses, grabbed his hand.


I forgot the technical term for this, but this looks so much nicer because you ended each action with the same suffix; in this case, ed. I still think you should add in "and" before the last action, but that's up to you.


Once again, a single nitpick. Getting cocky, are you? Give me more to work with. D;

Okay, so Liza is acting pretty chill, despite seeing a giant spider, a murder of crows attack them, three statues come to life, and two fairies emerge out of roses. Just wait until she finds out how old her husband is, that pedophile. ;) But seriously, I think that's a bit odd. Where's the stereotypical doubt?

I'm pretty excited to see what happened to Conrad. I know the fairies used up their strength to allow majority of the Fair Folk to escape, but how's he doing health-wise? Some guardian of the Fair.. no offense.

These fairies are totally adorable and I wonder if they are strong enough to open another portal for Christian, because he needs to go get Marrow already! As for Minerva, she needs help! What will happen to her?! D: And as for Mr. Catcher, who in the world is he really? SO MANY QUESTIONS. Read more, I must, yes.




BluesClues says...


And read more you shall! since I was a jerk and posted like three parts without letting you catch up first




"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh