Author's Note: I was really bored. Review if you like still I guess. :P
Three Blind Mice.
Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
Going to Jack-In-The-Box. Going to Jack-In-The-Box.
They all feel like having a chocolate shake but one of them knows it's a fatal mistake.
Did you ever witness that night?
Of the deaths of the three blind mice?
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
This was great. I like the shorter length because I do not really like reading long stuff. I like how you had a new line for each part of the song because when everything is all jumbled together it is harder to read. Over all great parody and I absolutely loved it. Keep writing *thumbs up*
-claire72
Short sweet and amazing well done :3 I do agree with what iggy said " How exactly do they die? Death by chocolate? What is in the shake? Arsenic? Don't leave us in the dark! We want to know what happened. xD
" :3 and I enjoyed how it was like Death by fast food places x3 over all well done
I know this is very short, but I think you could've done better with your imagery. Even if it was just a little bit. Imagery is one of the strongest factors for a poem, so this, as comical as it was, falls a bit flat. Since they are blind, why not tell us about how they bump and trip and bruise and fall and etc.? How do they find their way around? Do they have glasses and canes, like the mice in Shrek, or something different, or even nothing at all? Paint the story for us, as best as you can!
Other than that, this was cute, short, and funny, not to mention original. I enjoyed reading it, and yes, you did make me laugh! Nice twist on a classic.
Chocolate is poisinous to animals
Cool, I didn't know that.
Short and sweet! My favorite type of poem.
Okay, so there isn't a whole lot to critique, but try I shall.
How exactly do they die? Death by chocolate? What is in the shake? Arsenic? Don't leave us in the dark! We want to know what happened. xD
I know this is very short, but I think you could've done better with your imagery. Even if it was just a little bit. Imagery is one of the strongest factors for a poem, so this, as comical as it was, falls a bit flat. Since they are blind, why not tell us about how they bump and trip and bruise and fall and etc.? How do they find their way around? Do they have glasses and canes, like the mice in Shrek, or something different, or even nothing at all? Paint the story for us, as best as you can!
Other than that, this was cute, short, and funny, not to mention original. I enjoyed reading it, and yes, you did make me laugh! Nice twist on a classic.
Lol I agree. I wrote it in 15 seconds. Maybe I'll touch it up some time tho, so thanks.
Yep, it's a nice little time. Oh, hi! I'm your reviewer of this day.
This has a nice tune. I wonder how they died. Drinking the chocolate shake? Got squished by the Jack-In-The-Box? Oh, I still don't know.
The punctuation is alright here. Hmm, I see no nitpicks. You people are getting better at this! This does remind me of the actual Three Blind Mice, well, it is a parody after all. Too bad it is so short.
My favorite line is the third one.
Well, that's all I have. Good night and keep writing!
-lost