Not the most original thing, I'll admit. However, I've always loved the sound of "something wicked this way comes." so I expanded upon it. Enjoy!
Something wicked this way comes,
So bar the gate,
And beat the drums.
Something wicked out there stalks,
So bear the steel,
and lock the locks.
Something wicked beyond here waits,
So wary be,
And dawn your plates.
Something wicked here does spy,
So climb the rampart,
Don’t question why.
Something wicked there does stall,
As long we wait,
And man the wall.
Something wicked goes and runs,
So steady the steeds,
And bring the guns.
Something wicked waits to hide,
But we follow close,
No time to bide.
Something wicked we surround,
The terror’s gone,
It’s nook is found.
Something wicked here once cowered,
It’s head removed,
In blood we’re showered.
Something wicked, here in this sack!
The job is done,
And we go on back!
Something wicked exists no more,
But we return to fear,
And a great locked door…
Something wicked there once was,
Neigh, there’s more.
Now it’s- us?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello!
You were right, this was very good!
Biggest thing you need to fix is your incorrect use of it's. It's is a conjunction of "it is." For instance, if I say "It's cold outside," I am really saying "It is cold outside." Whereas its talks about belonging to someone/something, like "the bear and its cubs." Make sense? Read this if you need more help! Once you understand how to fix it, go through and edit all of those mistakes.
Other than that, this poem was pretty nice. A bit lengthy; there are a few stanzas you could do without, so if you ever wanna make it shorter, don't be afraid to cut a stanza.
The repetition of "something wicked" was essential and important to the poem, I see, but it tended to be tedious after a while. If you can think of a way to vary and mix it up, that would be a good idea, but if not, then don't sweat it.
Overall, this was pretty good. Sorry if my review sucks. I just couldn't find much to critique. ^^
Hello Scoeri,
This is Magenta here to write for you a quick review! It might be a little late, but welcome to the site! Anyway, I really like the way that you had this rhyme! I actually write most of my poetry from looking at other people's poetry because it gives me an idea to play with. So using the first line of someone else's poem is fine and you even told us, so it's really no big deal. Aside from a strange rhyme in one of the stanzas, this was truly well-written. I love the beat and the message and feeling that it gives to the reader. You did well! I would love to see some more of your works around here. Okay, now I'm going to leave, but not before I like this poem...
- Magenta
Woot! A like!
There is nothing wrong with getting inspiration from someone else's work! I don't know about one stanza #8. Others may have problems with you using the first line but I don't....
I really like it! It's catchy and tells a great story.
Haha I kind of want to memorize it and just walk around saying it all day.
Thanks for the review! Love your name, btw. I'll admit that #8 is a little strange, but i think that it works. Also, laziness. But anyway, thanks again, and I hope to see you again!
~Scoeri