Young Writers Society

. . . Hey Wolf, saw this here posted in the team forum, so I thought I'd drop by and give you a bit of feedback. So, Black here to review.

Warning: Poetry is NOT my strong point (all of my poetry sucks). So keep a VERY open mind when reading this review, don't take anything as good advice unless you COMPLETELY agree with it -even then, get a second opinion.

What did I like about this piece? I like the fact that, for once, someone has written something that ISN'T about a cute little pooch, and is instead about a much more related-to-me; drooling cat. I find that, for a change, actually amusing. Your word use is quite remarkable too. Selcouth . . . routh . . . gook . . . schnook. Very spectacular, they add to the idea of a drooling cat very well and definitely add to the amusement.

Besides the new words not rhyming incredibly well with your real words (XD) you really did a pretty decent job. It's just a fun little poem so it's okay to for it to make NO sense at all. Good job in doing that, I can't really figure out much more than the fact that there's a drooling cat in it -which I'm good with.

Your 'rhyming style' is very new to me.

X
Y
X

X
Y
X

X
Y
X

Very spectacular, to be sure, but I must note that right here:

He is full of love, but rather uncouth.
But if I cared I would surely be a schnook.
Joy flowing from his mouth.

I was suppressing giggles through that whole thing

I love poems written in the villanelle style. As far as I can tell you got the formatting right, and I couldn't find any grammatical mistakes.

You also taught me a new word- selcouth. I bet it was difficult to find so many words ending in -outh.

This is a great villanelle. Very true as well.

Keep writing and making people laugh!

~WallFlower

Isha here to review as requested! Sorry for the little delay in getting here.

First of all: Heaven help me, I think this is the first time I've read a poem about a cat's drool. Let alone a metric poem. It just doesn't sound like something I should enjoy? But I did enjoy this, so congratulations, you have accomplished something great.

Now, I know a thing or two about metric poetry, but not enough to give you precise nitpicks on metric feet and whatnot. However, I found that the last couple stanzas of this poem totally broke up the flow and the structure of the entire piece, and my enjoyment was kind of thrown to the wolves.

The first three stanzas are excellent. I like the abab rhyme pattern, and all seems to be well with it.

And then you hit stanza four, and what looks like a semi-regularly-occurring iambic trimeter (like I said, I'm not quite experienced enough with metric poetry to be able to tell for sure, but I took a shot!) turns into... not anything even similar to a trimeter. Your stanzas stop following any meter patterns whatsoever, and it totally messes with the flow. The first example of this is this line in stanza four:

He is full of love, but rather uncouth.
But if I cared I would surely be a schnook.

Hey there Writing Wolf!
This is a very strange and kind of cute little poem. It seems quite happy and fairy tale like very good for humour poems!
You seem to find very good words that rhyme with mouth while still making sure they make sense! It does fulfil all the requirements for a villanelle.

I quite like the metaphor "Joy flowing from his mouth" but you do repeat it a lot more than needed. As Dreamer said below it does get kind of boring. Once or twice is enough.
Besides that nothing much else wrong! Overall, a pretty cute poem but could need some polishing.

I like it because i like the way you see him yet we have a problem. :/ I think you need different word choice because I don't like the way you kept repeating "mouth" and "routh" all the time in almost every section. it kinda got boring and a little annoying to see those words over and over again. my advice to is to look into a bigger word variety. try the synonyms in the dictionary and theasourous. I have been doing that in my writing and I swear it gives it a whole new voice and interest good luck and happy searching -/