Young Writers Society

Timmy here for a quick review!!(I always say quick, but it always turns into a long one. xD)

A poem about snow. It might seem like everyone is doing them, and its just you copycatting the last guys poem, but with this one.... It is definitely unique, and you have your own words and style you put into it that makes it YOUR creation.

Nitpicks

snow covered ice lines the hidden lawns.
As ice greets with the coming dawn. ---These two lines rhyme, but none of the others do.

Water droplets freeze at the slightest touch,
but melts at the sun’s first embrace. ----- I think you could cut out the droplets, and this line seems a bit contradictory, especially since you are talking about frozen rain and snow, and then you talk about normal rain.

Snowflakes fall in the air with a flourish, ----I think something like through would work better there

Dancing about with a small twirl, ---That would be the wind at work there, right? State that too. I think it is pretty essential to it, especially because of the wreckage on snowstorm and then the wind can do. I know. I had no power for three days just last week because of that.

Isn’t it all but a game,
with snow and ice glistening out in the lane? ---You have a distinct flow, with each stanza being broken up in a rhythm. First stanza: two lines. Second stanza: Four lines. And so on... But this one is out of sequence.

Frozen rain falls like angered tears from those above,
pelting the heads of all of those who walk below. ---Beautiful, truly! I love your descriptions there!

This is pretty darn good. I love the rhyming. It's something you don't see too often here. It's all unstructured freeform. Anyway, on the other hand, although I'm glad that you're rhyming, I feel as though it could use a bit more work, and you should try to keep the scheme going a bit more. Also I feel as though your writing could use a bit more structure. It's kinda all over the place. Finally, even though your writing is good, your purpose is a little muddled. Is it all a game? If so, then why? And so on so forth. Anyway, that's all I have for now, so keep up the good work, and fare thee well!

~Scoeri

Hello GreenTulip! Happy Valentine's Day too! I'm here to write you a quick review. I hope you are enjoying this chilly Valentine's day. Any special someone's? I would agree with you about this winter weather. Anyway, I have some comments and suggestions.

"It’s all the same..snow and ice," If this is an ellipsis, I would suggest adding the traditional third period so that is a proper one.

"playing it’s deadly winter games." I would just tell you to take out the apostrophe that you've placed in the word,"it's". You only need one in the contraction when you are shortening,"it is".

"Glistening out in the lane,
snow covered ice lines the hidden lawns.
As ice greets with the coming dawn.
Isn’t it all but a game?"

I like the question that you have at the end and the way that you worded. Though, I would suggest using a different word than ice each time. Maybe crystals, diamonds, frost, icicles?

"Water droplets freeze at the slightest touch,
but melts at the sun’s first embrace."

I think that this would be my favorite stanza/lines because of the way that you compared the brisk weather with the warmth of the sun. It was a lovely stanza.

"Snowflakes fall in the air with a flourish,
Dancing about with a small twirl,
each dance individually special."

I feel like the last line repeats the same word. Individually special? It sounds a bit strange, but that might just be me. I do think, though, that they mean the same thing. I would also consider changing the word "fall" to "float" or "fly". Although I do see what you mean with the serenity of falling snow.

"Isn’t it all but a game,
with snow and ice glistening out in the lane?"

I like the repetition of the question that you have here. I, for some reason, think that you could switch the words "snow" and "ice".

Other than that, I think that you have a lovely poem. Great job with it and keep on writing.

~ Magenta