Young Writers Society

Wow, nice story.
Okay, so first off I love this because its so relatable and just the kind of stuff I went through. I grew up in Singapore and in school it's a constant struggle to maintain a social image. Pretend to others that you're like them, you can play football, soccer, whatever, just as well as them, or run as fast as them, weigh as little as them and grow as tall as them. Everything's a competition, and if you lost out you're dropped from the 'cool' clique. Most of my teen years was a struggle to maintain myself and keep from all that delicious, delicious chocolate.
Besides that, you get a very real feel of this protagonist, their internal struggle, their conflicting emotions. On one hand, she knows deep down she's healthy, but on the other she wants to keep up with her friends and be underweight. And I love the last line: "Though maybe I could still stand to lose a couple of kilos." Really witty, I like.
You wrote this well, especially the part where she compares her BMI to Carrie. You get the feel of her desperation, her need for someone to have a higher BMI than her to give her confidence that much needed push, then the sadness when she's proven wrong. And the way the word 'fat' is repeated is really striking.
Nice story, I like it like it like it. Keep writing.

PeanutPhoebe, here for a review! Hey, this was great! Loved the realisticness (if that's a word, lol:) of this. I also come from a foodie family, but I've honestly always felt the opposite way. I'm 14 and 90-100 lbs., and sometimes I feel as if I need to GAIN some weight... But like you, after I think about it, I'm like you, I'm happy with how I look, and am perfectly healthy. Anyway, I didn't find any grammatical errors or typos in this. I have no complaints. Great job, and keep writing!

Ahh, hello! Just a couple of things I'd like to point out about BMI to begin with

- BMI is quite unreliable as a measure of healthiness as one of the previous members has already mentioned, although generally it tends to do the trick, it's not something that people should rely on solely, especially not a health professional or a sports trainer. I think teachers might stress on this idea as well if this were discussed in a class, although I can't be sure about that
.
- The second thing I want to point out is that it's statistically impossible for SO many people to have ridiculously low BMIs (such as under 14). To be diagnosed with an eating disorder, a BMI of 15 is one of the markers; for someone to have BMIs drastically under that (10, 11, 12, 13) is ... well, that would show severe malnutrition and might possibly inflict serious health consequences on a person. It might really even lead to them being confined to bed and insitutionalised. I think a person with a BMI that low would definitely be a cause for concern and so many of them in one classroom is hard for me to believe. Besides, I doubt anyone with a BMI that low would be absolutely functional. I'd definitely suggest raising those numbers to around the 16-17 mark to emphasise on your protagonist's feelings, or perhaps raising your protagonist's BMI to higher in the healthy range. Say around 22 or 23?

Of course, it also depends on the age of the characters. For children under 10, BMI functions differently (16-19 is healthy, 21 is overweight, 25 is obese? Something like that, I apologise for the vagueness lol). However considering the healthy range for these children is between 18 and 24, I'd assume they're pubescent/post-pubescent/have reached their total height.

- I really enjoyed the story overall! Even though I think the theme has been done quite a lot, I think how your character handled it and brushed it off is unique and sends out this really positive message without getting into the more sordid aspects of eating disorders, so kudos to you on that c:. I was really glad to see that she was rational enough to understand that she's in a world of toothpicks and that she's not fat or overweight.

- The ending was disappointing however, sorry. It might be my opinion, but it seemed ... rushed? I think more detail and development could be spared to her so her reaching that conclusion would be more realistic? Like observing herself in the mirror, talking herself through the entire thing or even asking people if they thought she was fat. I just felt like it was lacking sliiiiiiightly.

- Although I like the protagonist's really casual and conversational tone, I would have liked to see more variation in your language? Again, it might just be me being my picky self, lol.

- Overall, it was a really great read and I enjoyed it very much

Hey there! I totally loved reading this, you held my attention really well, good job!
This deserves to be on the Spotlight for sure, I love how you wrote this and the experience is so REAL, it's just great.
One small type however:
"I love food far to much."
Should be:
"I love food far too much. "
But that's the only little mistake I could even find in this! You've done a great job and I really love how you've written it. I feel you've reached out to other people.
One of my favourite bits was when the narrator was repeating "fat" in their head and the reader just felt like they were feeling it too. Amazing. Sorry if this review isn't great, but there's so little to criticize!
-CFG

Hello Silverlock! I really liked your story. I liked the way you showed your conflict by listing all the girls weights, very creative! I also like how you show her changing mood. Happy to confused to angry and sad. Also very nice! Finally, I really like the way you enter the story. With rushed aggressiveness. Very nice! It shows you're character's attitude and how she acts. I hope you can do more stories like this and i would suggest trying your luck in different genres (Horror perhaps?) Anyway i think your talent can be put to very good use almost everywhere!

Great story! Keep up the good work!

Hey Silverlock!

Okay, this is a story a lot of girls can relate to. I'd say I'm just like you: I like to eat. Now, I also can lose a few pounds, but still, food is irresistible. x)

I felt like this fell rather short. The beginning was great, but the ending? Not what I expected. Well, it was, but not like that. I expected more. I expected the narrator to take a good look at herself, to cry, to feel disgusted with herself, etc. Generally, I expected more emotion. This feels more like a narration than a short story. How does she feel? I want to know her thoughts, her desires, her emotions, her struggles.

I do like that you took a nice turn with this. I expected her to become an anorexic/bulimic and stop eating, get depressed, turn away from who she is and become skin and bones. Instead, you had your character shrug it off and love herself for who she is. Which is good, since she is healthy, according to the BMI. But, again, where is the struggle? I find it hard to believe that she can so easily shrug it off.

Overall, I did enjoy this, but I think it has potential to be more than it is. But it is a true story, and if this is how you felt, then this is how you felt. You kept it true, so that's good, right? Hope I helped~

Just to be supportive, you do know that BMI is one of the least accurate of the health measurements, right? I'm in an anatomy class, and we just went through health and nutrition, and personal coaches and nutritionalists hardly ever use it, and they scoff at doctors who use it as a main resource, cause it literally shows next to nothing. Just to give you something that could hopefully cheer you up, even if it was a while ago.

Well, I've written this much, might as well review while I'm here. I did like this, for exactly what you said it was, for being a light read. It touches on a subject which is sensitive for many, but in a way that, eventually, is rather supportive. It really does capture the unnecessary worry about things like this, the way we become so stuck on them, and suddenly see ourselves differently. I couldn't find anything to complain about, no grammar or punctuation issues.