Young Writers Society

Hi, Weather here with a review.

I found this to be a positively somber poem. Although slightly depressing, it had a lot of raw emotion. However I feel that it can be approved upon a bit.

It was written in narrative form, but I think it would have been even more effective without it but you are the poet.

Sometimes this feels as if it's dragging on for a bit long at times considering its a sharp, emotive concept you have going on. This may be due to you using too many "I" pronouns and not a wide variety of others.

The end is where I felt your poem really started, ironically.

"So slowly I walk into the dark,

standing alone in the night.

I feel the dagger.

I am worthless"

This final section was the most effective. Here we could interpret that this ended in suicide. I would have actually had this at the beginning then progress through the poem expressing the worthlessness while living and how the soul can never be brought back to even have a deemed worth. Just in my opinion.

This has potential, just look over it a bit more and you could have a new revelation.

Hope I made more sense than nonsense.

--Weather

Kya here for a review

That's quite powerful. I like how you start with the same type of phrase often. It is a bit depressing, but I like how you don't try to sugar-coat anything. It's very real and you tell a story while still falling within the poetry category.

221 wrote:So, slowly I walk into the dark,

That was very good if not a tad depressing. i feel that some parts are slightly repetative however, 14 out of 26 lines start in exactly the same way. this may just be my ignorance at poetry, but other than that minor blip, all i can say is keep up the good work!