There is an old tree right behind the backyard,
Where the hollow roots gripping the earth;
The leaves are soft waving the wind greets,
Right under its umbrella is a world of mirth.
.
The swirling wind blowing the autumn leaves,
On a morning of September with a golden brown;
You're the one, who stands strong with your bare twigs,
On a snowy Christmas and a New Year countdown.
.
You will remain across the future and seasons,
For the times ahead and waving the ticking clock;
For a life lived are spending youth with risking time,
With the old tree, I found the secrets to unlock.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
hey there smile is here for a review
i'll start by saying that this is a very creative and quite intelligent work , i extremenly liked how you mixed all those ideas and thoughts ( nature , happiness ,seasons..) to create some wonderfull and unique poem .
i have to say that this part is my favourite , it's really an attractive imagery :
"The leaves are soft waving the wind greets,
Right under its umbrella is a world of mirth."
"You will remain across the future and seasons,
For the times ahead and waving the ticking clock;
For a life lived are spending youth with risking time,
With the old tree, I found the secrets to unlock. "
the end is powerfull , i think that mentioning the word "youth" and then its opposite "old" gave the part a nice touch ( just to let you know it's something really commun in arabic poems and i didn't think it will add a nice touch to english poems as well )
also,this part is rhymy ( clock , unlock )
as alex said i didn't get the metaphor , but really enjoyed the vivid imagery .
so if i rate your poem it deserve 9/10
GOOD WORK
keep writing
Hey there DreamWork!
This poem is very good! I don't fully understand the metaphor but I really loved the imagery and some of the creative phrases in it!
My favourite line by far is:
I thought that this was a very original view point that trees do have to withstand all this!
Your grammar is very good too! Punctuation, capitals, etc. all in right places!
There are two lines which I do not understand, I think it is the wording of it that is difficult to understand for me.
and
[quote]The leaves are soft waving the wind greets,[quote]
I think the last one is meant to have a comma between soft and waving.
Overall, great poem! See ya around DreamWork!
This is a wonderful poem.
"The leaves are soft waving the wind greets,
Right under its umbrella is a world of mirth."
The first lines seems like it should have a comma after "soft," but that doesn't matter. These two lines are great and really put into my mind the image of a tall oak, stretching out its branches.
"You will remain across the future and seasons,
For the times ahead and waving the ticking clock;
For a life lived are spending youth with risking time,"
I liked this descriptive mention of kids climbing the trees. Very creative. It makes the poem fun and interesting. Very good work!
Thank you DreamWork!