Young Writers Society

This is how stream of consciousness should be done. Too often, I see poets just write down whatever comes to mind and then they call it "stream of consciousness." But writing in such a style requires a lot of skill, and a meticulous eye to detail. However, you've nailed the style near perfectly in my opinion. The poem flows truly like an internal monologue, with the thoughts of the speaker being poured onto the page.

In addition to that, your piece also raises an important point, which is that true growth only comes through conflict. Heartbreaks, confidence destroying incidents, and activities that stretch the very limit of your physical and mental being is what helps people to grow.

Nonetheless, I did not enjoy this piece. Part of the problem is the speaker, who comes off as a self-entitled brat. Her parents raised her as parents should, but she views them with utter disdain, snidely commenting that it was her sister who taught her to think, not her parents. Her brattiness is so over-powering that she actually seems to envy gang-raped girls, as if it's a rite of passage. In my head, I picture her as one of those kids who tells her mother to "F--- off" after asking how her day went, and then wishes that she had something to blog about.

That in turn leads to the other problem I had with this poem which is the lack of conflict. Admittedly, that is what the poem is kind of about: this person has nothing to be in conflict with. Unfortunately, that makes for a very boring subject. Moreover, that lack of conflict also means there's no real character progression. The speaker simply goes from one extreme to the other.

Overall, the poem is expertly written, but the subject of the poem lacks spice.

Very interesting. I usually don't read or review things that have strong language in them, but, though this one definitely fits that description, I was intrigued by the style and almost overwhelming feelings I got when I started reading.

Your use of the "asterisk" in this poem to literally mark things is something very new, very original, and very intriguing.

"Asterisk my conversations and my feelings and my perfect lucky life. We put windows on our houses so that we can look out on the unfortunate world outside and breathe pity.

Asterisk my teddy bears and my married parents and my vegetables. I did not have anything else to be angry at but my heaven-blessed existence."

Honestly, it is a weird, but fun concept, which is what stopped me from moving to another work. The first stanza that I copied above is one of my favorite. Up until this point, it's a little difficult to understand where you're going, and what message you're trying to convey to the reader here, but this makes it quite obvious, and while stated somewhat bluntly, it's not overpowering, just a quick glimpse that reveals a lot of answers. It made me stop and think about the "cages" that a lot of us are in, which don't appear like they are.

And then, of course, comes the end. While I wouldn't use the words you do, I think you put it very well,

"Fuck the cage."

Not a lot of word mincing, if I do say so myself. I know that this will speak to a lot of readers, as most of us are stuck in some sort of similar trap, just waiting to get out. Maybe all we need to do is state the obvious like you have and get out?

Thank you Adnamarine!