Young Writers Society

Hello! I like where you're taking this story, looking at the beliefs of the characters inside and outside the city. Anthem has a lot of interesting themes, and it looks like your continuation of the story will do a good job of exploring them.

This chapter doesn't do much to advance the story; it mainly summarizes Prometheus' beliefs. It's important for the readers to understand how Prometheus thinks, but it might be more effective if his beliefs are shown through his actions, rather than written out all at once.

On that same note, I think more narration might make the story more interesting, instead of just explaining the characters' thoughts.

I noticed a few small errors:

However I can assure you I am not merely a number to be recorded in the history books of the city.

However during my hunt yesterday I made a remarkable discovery.

If not then I suppose you should get comfortable my friend, I will tell you of my struggle.

I was born to a society of men, who believe that there is no one.

Hi Bloodvein11! Niteowl here to review for the Cobalt Critiquers this fine Review Day!

Now, I haven't read Anthem, but I did just read the summary so I at least have some clue what's going on. My first thought here was "Interesting choice of names". I know you didn't pick them, but it still seems odd to me that these characters would know anything about Greek mythology in some hypothetical future where past knowledge (such as electricity) has been erased. I'm also wondering why the Council would bother teaching a street sweeper to read and write at all. Seems like a waste of time and money to me. The preservation of the old calendar is also quite remarkable.

That said, this seems like an interesting sequel to the events of the book. It is weird that the protagonist feels the need to re-summarize everything. Is this a literal new journal? And who does he think he's writing for? I'm curious as to what exactly his mission is. Take over the Council and rebuild some Objectivist paradise?

Overall, this isn't a bad start. It'd be interesting to see what you do with this. Keep writing!

Hello BloodVein11!

This is Magenta here to review your second chapter in Anthem Chronicles (Chapter 2) which you have submitted on YWS for us to review.

Before each one paragraph, you write "1, June" and "2, June". What is this exactly? If this is the date, I would definitely consider writing it differently, or else it draw the readers attention where attention isn't meant to be.

"The slaves of the brotherhood would have gggg freebelieve my name is Equality 7-2521." I am very, very, very, very, confused here. I am reading this sentence...the slaves, brotherhood, and then I come across "gggg freebelieve my name is Equality 7-2521". I am not sure what I am to make of this but I would strongly suggest that you change this. I am very sorry if that sounded blunt but I want to save you before other people review this and become equally befuddled as I have been.

Another suggestion that I have to make is to change the mood of the dairy/journal entries because it seems to formal. When you choose to have diary entries, you assume the personality of that person and write down their thoughts. This seems more of an essay that he is writing to someone than a journal. Make it more casual than this and I am sure that this piece will be fabulous!

I hope to see more of your writing out there!

~Magenta