Published January 25, 2014
I sat at the kitchen table looking at the two boys in front of me.
Even though I couldn't see their faces I knew that they were concerned as I was.
"Were getting close to the day when we mark someone right?" said the boy seriously his black hair combed and face hidden away with a simple tragedy mask.
Yeah...was all I managed to say.
"I'm kinda nervous". said the boy with messy blonde hair fiddling with a mirror in his hands. His face hidden with a simple comedic mask.
Even though his face was hidden I could tell it had an expression of worry.
Dont be someone will finally be able to take your mask off. I said
"But what if my person dosen't like me?" he said sadly looking down into the mirror.
Lucky....that person other than me will have the ability to take off your mask and not to mention be able to stand your true personality no matter what. I said looking at him.
You too Alex. I said looking at the boy with the tragedy mask sulking in his chair.
"Yeah...plus we can see what your really like too". he said.
"I really want to see what your really like too!" cheered Lucky raisng his hands in the air.
"Your mask must hide something really good Casimir! The way it looks and all!" he said holding up the mirror.
I looked into it and saw my mask.
The eyes we narrowed and the mouth was frowning with a tongue sticking out giving it a look of of defiance.
Hehe...I chuckled. I like to see what im really like too.
"I wonder why you can take ours off but you can't take off your own." said Lucky curiously.
"Me too...I said then I looked at my watch.
Oh man it's already midnight! Okay lets go to bed. You know how I get when I don't get enough sleep. I said
"Better go then. Your already four hours past your bedtime" said alex walking to his room.
"Goodnight!' exclaimed lucky running to his room.
Goodnight. I said.
Finally...we will unravel the mysteries behind our masks. I whispered.
Well time to go to bed. I said walking to my room andthe most important thing in my life...my bed.
Well...the most important thing in my life...for now...
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hey there, wretchednot
Alright, so I actually really enjoyed the concept behind this story. It's refreshingly new and I like the idea that there's an unmasking day, etcetera. I can't wait to see what happens when that occurs. I also like the characters you have here and I'm excited to see them develop further.
However, there were a few things I noticed. First of all, you didn't put in quotation marks for when the person telling the story, Casimir, is speaking, which made it very confusing to understand what was being said and done. I'd try and fix that up.
Also, some of your points were just a little confusing, especially regarding the day they will have someone take their masks off -- it just seemed a little unclear, mostly because the writing didn't seem to make sense. Maybe go back and try to elaborate a little more.
Overall, your story could really use some more "meat," or details and thoughts from your characters. Right now it's all very short and bare.
I look forward to seeing more and hope this helped.
xoxo Crookshanks
Thanks! I'll continue writing and hopefully fix any errors
Thanks for reviewing.
This was very interesting. The concept was intriguing, and there was a lot of strings left unattached, and a lot of questions left without answers, so it gripped me and wanted me to read more.
This idea of the people, or the children, wearing masks and being able to take them off when they meet someone who has been marked is something I haven't heard about, so I'm not even sure if I grasped the concept well, which is good as it pulls the reader in.
Unfortunately, the chapter was very short, and there's not more yet, so I was a bit disappointed. But hopefully you will upload more?
In any case, there were a few things that I found to nitpick.
First, when the person who is the writer, Casamir, is speaking, you don't use quotation marks or bold or italicize the text, so it's very hard to follow and understand what's going on, as I wasn't sure if they were talking, thinking, or just explaining.
Second,
"Even though I couldn't see their faces I knew that they were concerned as I was.
Even though his face was hidden I could tell it had an expression of worry."
These two lines are virtually identical. I all ready know from the first one that their faces are hidden, but that Casamir can "see" through them and understand their expressions, and hence their emotions, but you don't need to tell me a second time. There are a few other places where you repeat yourself. Just something to watch while writing.
Over all, I enjoyed reading this, and wish there was more.
Thank you wretchednot!
Thank you and my apologies for it being so short I couldn't decide to make it a chapter or prolog.
Thanks for the review and I will continue to write!
And sorry about the quotation mistake I get confused by those constantly