The Fallen-Book the First-Chapter Five

by AEChronicle

Published January 18, 2014

12+

In The Fallen-Book the First

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First Sightings

The end of her nose twitched, causing the whiskers to stir in the silence. There was a foul stench on the air. A lingering aroma that wasn’t pleasing to her. It aroused dark and painful memories in her mind, all centered on one word.

Roika.

She didn’t have to study the ground to know where they had traveled and how many there were, all she had to do was glance at the surrounding forest, taking note of the uprooted saplings, trees slashed with long scars. It didn’t matter what they were doing, or where they were going, they always had to destroy something.

But there was a far more important matter on her mind. A much more pervading question, why?

It made little sense to her. She hadn’t seen Roika this far south for ages, literally. So why would they change that now? Or, more importantly, how did they get this far? Making it through the Empire would have been hard enough for her on foot, but she was just one, and very adept. She estimated there to be anywhere from one to two hundred. It was hard to tell with all of the destruction that followed after them.

So how had they done it?

Some dark magic was at work here.

Turning around, she strode up to a winged creature that was standing at the edge of the glade. The beast shifted on its six legs, ruffling its feathered sides. She rested a hand on its long muzzle and it nudged up to her, emitting a deep rumble from its chest.

She could tell it did not like the smells either. It’s nostrils flared continuously as it expelled the stench.

Do not worry yourself Harron, we will leave soon.”

She looked around the glade one more time, being sure she did not miss anything. There was nothing left to miss as she had spent much time scouting around for answers. To much time. She skipped into the air on her light feet and came to rest on her mount’s saddle in front of the child. He stirred lightly in his dark sleep, still plagued by the memory.

The face.

When she gave the signal, a sharp yip, Harron leapt into the air with his powerful back legs, unfurling his wings. They beat the night sky as they rose high into the air. Even though the night was a warm summer one, at this altitude, it took your breath away.

She supposed that was the reason she enjoyed it so much.

Below the forest flashed past. She was able to pick out the tell tale signs of the Roika band as the snaked through the woods. Before long, she knew exactly where they were headed. She leaned forward in the saddle and put her mouth to Harron’s large ear.

Fly to Edoran, and quickly!” The wind that rushed by whisked her words away, but the beast understood and began to flap its wings with a purpose. It would take them the better part of the night to reach the city. From there, it was going to be an extra day to her destination, but someone had to be warned about this new threat, if they didn’t know all ready.

The flight gave her time to ponder the questions that had arisen from this situation. The most important being how. It made no sense that a troop of Roika this large could make it this far south. They would have had to cross the entire Empire, crawling with soldiers, through the Hadrian desert, and across another few hundred leagues. Surely someone at some time had seen them? She guessed not. Which brought up another question, why? Roika were beasts in mind and heart. They lived only for the kill, and thirsted for blood continually. Yet, they had not shed blood thus far, as far as she could tell. None of it made sense to her.

- - - - - - - - - -

Congratulations gentleman, and welcome to the army.”

Aven shook his head at Taalon. This was exactly what they didn’t want. They were supposed to be running away from the Empire, not getting closer. The situation, though laughable by the soldiers, was very tense for Aven. Taalon was still attempting to recover from last nights episode, and wasn’t in any mood to even think.

I am Captain Argaes, your parole officer for the next few weeks until we decide what to do with you.” One of the soldiers strode up to him and handed over two sets of uniforms, commissioned by the Emperor himself, the traditional white and black, with a clenched fist covering the chest. Aven cooled his temper as he realized what was going to happen. This was no time to over react. They had all ready had one close call the night before. “Put these on.” Argaes handed both of them a uniform. They were forced to strip down to their underclothes in front of the whole regiment. Not like they hadn’t seen it before. As much as Aven hated to wear it, the uniform was clean and rather comfortable, especially compared to their own clothes which were old, tattered, and stiff with dried mud.

Argaes continued to speak, “I am not your mother, and I won’t change your pants for you. You do what I tell you, and you’re life will be easy. From this point forward until I say otherwise, I…am…god….”

Taalon started at Argaes’ last words. They were sacrilegious, demeaning to the truth! But Aven nudged him in the site to get him to keep his mouth closed. He had all ready caused enough trouble. Argaes caught the movement, but that’s not where his attention was. He was studying them closely, looking at…Aven quickly but deftly buttoned up his shirt and pulled the tunic over his head. Had he seen? His heart raced as Argaes shrugged and looked away, waiting for them to finish.

How had he been so stupid? How could he forget? He felt the material of his shirt brush against the scar on his chest. Taalon all ready had his covered. The Mark was a curse.

When they finished dressing, Argaes had another soldier take their old clothes and throw them on the fire. Aven kept his body and features still, but underneath he was fuming. Beyond that, he wished that he had pulled the carving out of his pocket. The small effigy of Corrys, the one, true God. Thinking of it started him on a train of thought. He had carved it with his brother many years ago, the day they pledged to each other never to bow down to the Emperor, never to submit. Where was his brother now? He would have to ask Taalon about it, as the last time he had seen him was when they were separated at the outskirts of the compound. Hopefully he was okay.

But they couldn’t talk now, as Argaes explained what the oncoming weeks of their life would entail.

We rest here for two days, then we march to Beldenhove, where we will receive further orders. You two will be on cart duty, which will be explained to you when that time comes.” A chuckle rippled through the other soldiers. Cart duty was their favorite job in the world. “For now, get some rest.” He nodded to them and motioned for them to leave his sight. The rest of the men scattered, now that the show was over, but Argaes remembered one more thing, which he announced to everyone.

And there will be no going into the town!” Groans and moans. “Is that understood?”

Yes sir!” The soldiers replied, their morale dropping a bit.

Aven and Taalon looked at each other, then went off to find somewhere quiet.

They had a lot to talk about.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Jan 26, 2014

Hi AEChronicle! Niteowl here to review again! :)

Overall, this chapter was easier to follow than the previous two. Perhaps it's because more of the characters are named so I don't have to spend as much time deciphering who "he" is.

Small grammar point: Lucrezia got most of them, but I have to add that "already" is one word.

Some questions:

1) What are the Roika? The soldiers? Something we haven't met yet? It's a little unclear.

2) What is the relationship between Aven/Taalon and the soldiers? At first, I assumed they were captured as enemies, but then they're given a uniform and allowed to roam freely, which counters that theory. Are they fugitives (i.e. citizens of the Empire, but being pursued for something bad)? It doesn't sound like they're citizens, but they're not being treated like POWs either. I assume this "Mark" would brand them as a religious minority, but it doesn't seem like that was the motive for their capture. Otherwise, they would have been searched and the effigy would have been found (and again, they wouldn't have been allowed any freedom). Basically, the behavior feels a little inconsistent here.

Overall, it seems like you're building an interesting world here, and I think the writing was smoother in this chapter. Keep writing! :)

First off, thanks for the review.

As to your two questions:

1. The Roika are supposed to be kept in the dark here. We won't meet them until a little later on, so don't worry.

2. Aven and Taalon are members of a religious minority. It's hard to understand now, but it will get more clear later. Their religious group has been enslaved for hundreds of years, like the Hebrews of old. Aven and Taalon have escaped from the Compounds, but because of their being strangers in the town and picking fights with one of the prominent members, they have been drafted into the Empire's army for a temporary period of time. Nobody knows-yet-that they are escaped slaves, something punishable by death.

User avatar
ThereseCricket
Comment
ThereseCricket commented Comment · Jan 20, 2014

Hi, I'm Cricket! I'm a little new here and needed something to review and when I saw yours it looked almost too good to be true!
But I'll just get down to business. This is my first review so I might make a couple of mistakes, but here goes.
The first paragraph drew me in, although later on I think you might want to work on the flow of your sentences. When she was looking around the forest it seemed to me that she asked herself too many questions and it didn't seem to flow right.
Your descriptions are really vivid and imaginative though and, I had a very clear picture in my mind of what everything looked like.
So anyway I really love the way you write! It feels like your're right there!
Bye now!

Random avatar
deleted30
Review
deleted30 wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2014

Hi! Me again. You must be absolutely sick of me by now. XD

This is another great chapter, blah blah blah. I could go on for a while complimenting you, but I'll try to keep it short.

It's very impressive how you can create these cool worlds and have them seem so real and vivid. Your narrative skills never disappoint, I must say. It's wonderful how you bounce around from character to character, each different, each unique. Quite delightful.

Nitpicks:

To much time.


"To" should be "too."

Taalon was still attempting to recover from last nights episode


You forgot the apostrophe in "last night's."

This was no time to over react.


"Overreact" is one word.

You do what I tell you, and you’re life will be easy.


"You're life" should be "your life."

He had all ready caused enough trouble.


"Already" is one word.

Okay, that's all for the nitpicks. Breathe easier. The bad part's over.

How are you whipping these out so quickly? Have they been sitting on your computer for a year or something? Really, I'm baffled. Each chapter is so good and well thought-out that I would be amazed if they didn't take you weeks and weeks to get right.

Then again, maybe it's just utter talent.

Sorry, I'm getting off-topic.

The end of her nose twitched, causing the whiskers to stir in the silence. There was a foul stench on the air. A lingering aroma that wasn’t pleasing to her. It aroused dark and painful memories in her mind, all centered on one word.

Roika.


Mmm. I love this. What a great way to begin, too. It pulls the reader in immediately with its intrigue.

The whole installment's quite captivating, not that I'm surprised. Your only five chapters in and already this story is superb. Unfortunately for you, it's so good I'm probably going to have to review every chapter, which means you're stuck with me. :D

Okay, I'm rambling now. Great chapter. Great novel. Awesome work.

Keep writing!

First of all, I could never get sick of your reviews. You always point out some things that I need to change, and you're always complimenting me. There's nothing to get sick of. Thanks again for taking the time to read my work. And as for your question about how I can pump these out so fast, the story itself has been in the works for quite awhile. I've written it in my head four or five times at least, and this is the second run through on paper. It's been a long process, and I'm glad to see the fruits of it finally coming to bear. Thanks again.



"Please put me in the quote generator whenever you like."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi