Young Writers Society

HI! Happy Review Day! victorianbeauty here to give you a review. Great Work! I love you eloquently you put life and change, how well you describe the feelings people have when they lose contact people that were too important to them.

Anyways, on to the review! I didn't see anything wrong with how the piece flowed. Mainly, all I saw were punctuation errors.

Firstly,

"They say that the world is smaller now,

“Distance is a dying breed”, they preach "

I would put a period after 'preach'. It'll help close that thought that you're wanting to put through.

"But why is it, when calls are at a finger’s breadth

People are out of reach?"

I would place a comma after breadth. It would help the phrase flow better and seem less like a run-on sentence.


"But happiness, just like pretty, delicate glass,

Or is like walking on thin ice,

One moment you have your hold,

And a moment later, you lose it all,"

I would cut out the 'or' and replace the comma after 'ice' with a period. Also, replace the comma after 'all' with a period.

I saw a couple other little things but I don't want to drag on and on, so I'll stop now. Great work and keep it up!

This is a very nice poem, and I really can't fault it. (By the way awesome avatar. )
The principle thing I liked about this poem was the steady rhyme structure, it allowed the reader to pace the poem, and keeps a steady rhythm.
I particularly liked the rhythm because to me it sounded almost shakespeareish, and I like Shakespeare muchly.
Keep writing,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey there! I am going to be reviewing your poem for today! So here we go.

Comments

“Distance is a dying breed”, they preach

But why is it, when calls are at a finger’s breadth

People are out of reach?

I look back down memory lane,

Oh! The happy hours that fleet and pass,

That I had always counted on,

But happiness, just like pretty, delicate glass,

Or is like walking on thin ice,

One moment you have your hold,

And a moment later, you lose it all,

How to ever remain afloat?

Hi there, I'm here to review your poem!

And it is awesome. Seriously, how did you come up with this? I love everything about it.

My favorite line has to be:

But happiness, just like pretty, delicate glass,

Or is like walking on thin ice,

One moment you have your hold,

And a moment later, you lose it all,