The lanes perpetuate beneath you,
A cracked and inconsistent treadmill.
On four worn and precarious wheels,
You weave between bystanders
Who shun the gaze of
This generation’s clichéd “delinquent”.
With a daring grin and devilish laugh
You rush into the storm
Allowing the rest to blur
Allowing it all to become a dream.
Protected,
Almost,
By this trance,
You fly above the street
In your youth and your sneakers.
Today you are strong.
Passionate.
Free.
But where are you tomorrow?
Hey there Storybraniac here to review marquee style for paint the roses red. I love marquee. This is a very interesting piece. I loved everything but as usual the last four lines were my favourite. I really liked the way you described the skateboard and the path the skateboarder is going (I'm not sure what I'm talking about). And you need to put the commas where you are supposed to put. As said by Clarity. Anyway this is a very good piece. A definite like from me. Keep writing. ---storybraniac
Hello there wallflower, Clarity here to review!
I enjoyed reading this. It wasn't too short and it wasn't so long that it was hard to read; it was a good length. Well, good enough to get your story down in an awesome way.
One thing that bothered me was your format. I see this happen an awful lot with many users works. A little reminder: for a two space paragraph gap, just click [enter] but when you want a single space enter, (where you don't get the separation between stanzas/lines) click [shift+enter].
Now on to the actual content of the poem.
The lanes perpetuate beneath you,
A cracked and inconsistent treadmill.
On four worn and precarious wheels,
You weave between bystanders
Who shun the gaze of
This generation’s clichéd “delinquent”.
Protected,
Almost,
By this trance,
You fly above the street
In your youth and your sneakers.
Hey wallflower! I love this poem. It really is well written. There is strong rhythm and a good description. Just a few picks.
...This generation’s clichéd “delinquent”....
Period comes before a quotation mark.
I especially like the rhythm at 11-12 and 17-18....(3)-(2) ---(3)-(1). They really compliment each other!
I'm surprised that this piece did not make it past three "likes."
Regarding the words themselves, I think "precarious" in the second line does not give the best punch to this line. "Perilous" looks better to be honest. Other than that, I strongly like this piece, and would do it again!
Hello there. This homes, saying that I really enjoyed this piece of poetry. It was a lot of fun to read and though it was a short poem, I got a lot from it and it seemed to take on more meanings then one. I like how there was use of one worded lines, it sums it up well. If there is one thing I dislike about it is the use of punction in some lines and not in others, like With a daring grin and devilish laugh maybe should have a comma at the end, also there appears to be capatilization where it is not neccesary.
Who shun the gaze of
This generation’s clichéd “delinquent”.
The T in this does not need a capital, as each word beginning the poem does not need a capital. All in all it is a fairly well piece of poetry.
Hey Tiny here!
First off I would not be surprised if this made it into the literary spotlight, it is truly wonderful. I do have a couple suggestions though. On line 8 takeout the dash at the end of blur. Also on line 10, I would separate protected, almost, and by the trance into 3 different lines. This is really good for a newbie like you, my first poem was horrible to be honest! The last line I feel like is something everyone can relate to. Nobody really knows what's coming for you tomorrow and everyday after that. Thank you for this fantastic poem.
Keep Writing 
120,216 Literary Works • 649,137 Reviews
Points: 94
Reviews: 66
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