Young Writers Society

Hello! Writer88 writing a review:

I liked how your prologue had good imagery and descriptions. I also liked the flashback and suspense at the end. That way, more people will read it! I also liked how the dark hole and the wall of light might have symbolized her life. Your prologue has good characteristics! I enjoyed this paragraph the most:

"A bright light suddenly appeared in front of Amber. It was just hovering in the sky, rippling like water. It was about as tall as her; tall enough to walk through. As it came closer to her she could see right through it. She could see what looked like buildings. Tentatively, Amber touched the surface of the light, watery substance. It felt like water. She leant forwards slightly. As she did, her hand seemed to disappear from view. She gasped. She leant back and her hand came back into view. She held her hand, flexing her fingers, checking for damage. Her hand was perfectly fine. In wonder, Amber looked back at the light. Her heart was racing apprehensively. She knew what she was going to do."

Like this idea! I am intrigued with your piece. Keep writing!

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

I saw chapter 3 of this novel in the Green Room so I figured I would read and review all the other chapter first before getting into the third chapter.

I am very, very picky when it comes to prologues. I like to write them myself, but I'm always careful about it. The reason being, prologues only work if they're written correctly. There must be at least one character, imagery to set the scene, and a cliffhanger at the end in order to entice the reader and make them want to come back for more. Those aren't the official rules of course. Everyone knows that there are three rules to writing but nobody can remember them. Those rules, so to speak, are ones that I follow and what I look for in a prologue. And your prologue has all of these qualities. And they're done very well too!

The dark hole is very ominous. I think that's what you were aiming for, so just know that you got your point across! There's also a lot of great imagery in here. I like how the first paragraph -- well, technically the second paragraph -- sort of sets the scene for the prologue. We get a lot of imagery packed into a short paragraph. Now, I'm from the good ole US of A so please excuse my ignorance. Trainers are pants, right? I'm not up to speed with all the British lingo yet.

Overall this is a great prologue. We get a tiny glimpse into Amber's life and get a sort of tease as to what the rest of the story will be about.

Alrighty then, onto Chapter 1!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Strong story. I like that.

'As she thought about all this, she realized it wasn't her fault that any of this had happened. It didn't do any good to go over it and get down about it.'

I like this bit. You've got such a good tone to your writing. You write stories well.

I kinda feel like the title is linked to Wayne's World for some reason. And it isn't, but it just reminded me of it.

This is a good prologue, I really like it. Sets up the rest of the story in a good way.

Hello!
I really enjoyed reading this piece, and am intrigued as to what happens next. There's a almost floaty quality to your writing in some points through this prologue, which absolutely suits the style and genre that you're writing in. I thought the imagery was very good - there was a very visual sense to this, and I had no difficulty picturing what was going on. For such a short prologue, it is very gripping.

It feels as though it's quite original, although we don't know much about it yet. There's a quality about it that doesn't feel super-cliché-fantasy, which is awesome.

I don't have any negatives to point out that haven't already been mentioned. I'd just recommend going through and polishing a bit, as some of the sentences aren't as flowy as some of the other parts. I don't mind it being a vague prologue (they keep the reader guessing) but I hope later on in the story we get to know Amber better, and she gets some more depth.

Amazing job, and can't wait to see where you take this.

Hello, my friend.

First, I would like to say that your writing drew me into this story. This wasn't overly descriptive to the point of annoyance. You were clear, simple, and precise. Wonderfully beautiful, in my opinion.

Second, some grammatical things:

Actually, I have nothing to say about grammar. Your grammar was perfectly fine. I wouldn't worry.

Third, some stylistic suggestions:

Amber felt disoriented and cut off from the world. Her vision was sharp one minute, then fuzzy the next. Everything was out of focus.

Her long, curly, red hair fell gracefully down her back.

More often than not Amber found herself beaten and talked to cruelly.

It felt paper thin and translucent.

She took a deep breath and walked through the ball of light.

She wasn't sure how she had got there. She had walked for miles and miles with nothing but her tattered t-shirt and jeans on.

Hello! This is a captivating start here. It left me wanting to know more about Amber's story. The character seems to be well-developed, with a strong voice and back-story.
The descriptions were good, but perhaps you could add more description about the setting. I didn't get much of a sense of where Amber is and what's around her. For example, a description of the cliff would give readers an idea of how dangerous it is for Amber to step over the edge.
Some of the information about Amber's back-story seems unnecessary at this point in the story. Perhaps some of the descriptions of Amber's difficult past could be moved to later in the story. That type of information might not be the best introductory material.
Some of the sentences could be reworded to flow better, or to be made clearer, such as:
"No one would probably even notice she was gone." This feels slightly awkward, and you could reword it to make it feel more smooth. "It felt paper thin and translucent." I don't think something can feel translucent. You could change the wording of the sentence so that it makes more sense.
Those are the few suggestions I have, but the piece is well-written and I am intrigued by the story you have started. This looks like a promising beginning to a very good story.