z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Blood of Eden {I}

by LadySpark


A/N-

Oh a serial :O

The Blood of Eden

-I-

The wickedness of man and how to escape it…

And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.

--Genesis 6: 5-7

The stained table was pristine, and it the way it shone from the light of the chandelier above was distracting to Ezra. She sat at the corner of it, almost pushed away, her hands clasped on her lap, staring at the table in front of her. Mahogany. Watching the glittering lights bounce off the wood kept her from noticing the shouting in the room, the shouting that was making her head hurt so much she thought it might explode from the pain of it. She didn't want to think about what her brothers and sisters were arguing about. She just wanted peace. Glancing up, she saw one of her sisters, Esther, slam her fist down onto the table, making it rattle. Mistake. Digging her fingernails into the skin of her palms, she watched in fascination as it grew white, then red. Human bodily functions never failed to entrance her. "Ezra!" the shrill cry came from the other end of the table, and Ezra jumped, looking up to see her brother Samuel glaring at her in anger. "Do you have anything to add?"

"No--No, Sam."

"Good, then we're all in agreement," he snapped, nodding his dark head.

"No we're not!" cried Esther, also standing up. "You will not harm them."

"It's not going to harm them," the silky voice of Genesis slipped into the fray, quieting her younger siblings. "It's just going to cause them to forget the hate. We'll take the hate and greed that makes them such awful creatures and put it in a safe place. Where the human mind cannot scratch at it to make it bleed."

"And where, pray tell is this place?" Esther asked.

"Eden." Samuel replied, causing several of the other angels to look up from their laps, shocked. Even Ezra looked up, letting her hands unclasp. Eden? How could they even think to put something as ugly as human greed into Eden? Her feet were trying to make her rise, make her take a stand against her brothers and sisters, bullying the other angels into agreement, but her mind wouldn't let them. She wouldn't win. Samuel would scoff and roll his eyes, and Esther would make a scathing comment about how Ezra was just mad, the other angels couldn't trust anything she came up with. Genesis would look on, ignoring everything in front of her, her eyes only set on her main goal of purging the earth of evil.

Ezra closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting the soft wind enter her nose and exhale from her mouth. The smell of wood cleaner entered her mouth, and it almost made her sick it was so strong. Her eyes flew open, looking to see if any of the other angels smelled the strong, sharp scent that was overwhelming her. Only Genesis seemed bothered, shifting in her seat as her pale cheeks reddened.

"Something must be done," Samuel was crying, nodding his head as if he believed in every word he was saying. Ezra could see though, around the edges, he was cracking. He didn't believe, and she could tell. Only blind faith in his sister, Genesis had kept him going. Ezra closed her eyes again and tried not to breathe.

--

The lights from the light hanging above the table were too bright for Joshua. He had merely listened to his brothers and sisters, not offering his own opinions. He wasn't much concerned, one-way or another. Mostly he just wanted to act. He could feel his fingers itching to grab a sword where they lay so calmly on the arms of his chair, the leather too soft against the calluses he wore proudly. His foot tapped against the floor below, but no one could hear it through the thick carpet. The white stuff was probably Genesis' idea. She knew he liked to tap his feet when he was anxious. And his anxiousness tended to seep into those around him. He looked up towards the head of the table, where she was sitting, her halo of brown hair hanging in curls, unbothered even though she had been running her fingers through it for the last hour. Samuel was shouting, his voice booming around the room and echoing back, making Ezra sink deeper into her chair. Her hair wasn't like Genesis'. It was fluffy and white, and looked like cotton candy spun much too long and placed on the head of a watery-eyed girl. She was the youngest, her frail pale body only a ten or eleven years old. And the madness that was inside her hung onto every part of her, to where you could see it in the way she held her hands in her lap. Snapping himself back to the conversation, Joshua rolled his eyes when Jeremiah spoke up to ask if there would be any harmful side effects to the humans were the angels to go through with their plan. Genesis shook her head, her smooth voice whispering down the table that, no, there were none that she knew of. Jeremiah nodded his head, satisfied.

There were only two other angels at the table that hadn't said anything besides Joshua. The first one was Ezra, who was too concerned with looking at her hands to notice what was going on around her. The second one was Judas, who had his chin tilted upwards on his palms, and was watching the other angels with rapt attention, hanging on every word, but not revealing what he thought to any of the other angels. Samuel, who had paused long enough to let Genesis speak, began bumbling again about how the angels were the only ones that could save the humans from themselves. Standing up, Joshua walked towards the wide door that was waiting for someone to open it and take charge. “Let’s just go,” he said, looking back at the angels that were staring at him in surprise. “Let’s just go save the human race.”

--

Genesis could not deny that she was getting rather bored with the discussion when Joshua stood up and walked out of the room, knowing his fellow angels would follow. With all her skills of persuasion, all her skills of leading the other angels into battle, sometimes she was afraid to act. Sometimes, someone like Joshua, with his dark hair and expressive eyes was needed to jolt her into activity. Rising from her chair, she followed him out of the room, not bothering to turn to see if any of the other angels were follow her. She knew they were. Joshua was standing in the hallway beyond, and grinned when she emerged from the room. “I knew you’d be the first to follow,” he said, walking quickly now that he knew she was following. “Don’t ever doubt my loyalty to you, Joshua.”

“I never have, sweetheart.”

She grinned and followed him towards the doorway at the other end of the hall, while the other angels burst out of the room. “So what’s the plan, Josh, Ginny?” asked Samuel, practically bouncing from the excitement of it all.

The two angels exchanged glances. Esther sighed and shook her head “We never have a plan.”

“Exactly,” Genesis and Joshua said together, leading the little group out of the building and into the Heaven. The bustling street of Heaven was lined with different ‘businesses’. Most of the angels were hurrying about-- saving people, watching over, fixing, or causing disasters at the different buildings. The building the group of angels had just left was taller than the rest on the street, standing tall and gold, shining brightly in the sun. Most of the angels that passed them on the street glanced at them, their eyes glittering with envy at the seven angel’s golden wings. They were the blessed ones, the leaders chosen by God before he left his post in the chair that stood empty now, in the pent house no one ever went in. In his place, he had chosen the seven, Genesis, Joshua, Ezra, Jeremiah, Judas, Esther, and Samuel to rule and watch over earth.

Until now, there hadn’t been many problems, and the seven had allowed themselves to become disorganized. A mistake, Genesis now realized as she looked towards her ragtag bunch of soldiers. She had hidden from them what would happen when they sucked the hate from earth for as long as possible. She hadn’t planned on telling them until the very last moment, didn’t plan on giving them a chance to change their minds. She hadn’t even told Joshua, who was walking by her side, completely loyal to the cause she had preached. She hadn’t told them it would drain them into nothingness. There were some crosses she knew she had to bear on her own, no matter how heavy they were.

She knew if she told them too soon, the seven of them would fall into even more disarray. She knew if she told them, Samuel would stop believing, and Ezra would fall into a pit of despair she would never leave. Because, in their eyes, how could such a simple act of God be harmful to them? They were already dead. How could they be harmed in the least? Where could they go? She knew the other angels believed in her, and would do anything for her, and the human race. But at what cost? She closed her eyes, pausing in her steady tread out of Heaven’s Wall Street, just to let herself breathe for a second. She felt at war with herself, and to bring herself back to reality, she dug her fingers of her left hand into her wrist. “You’re doing the right thing,” she told herself. “You always do the right thing.”

The scratching didn’t pull her back to Wall Street, but Josh’s hand, soft and warm slipped subtly into hers did.

--

When the angels reached Eden, Jeremiah was the first to enter it through the tall golden gate. It didn’t creak, but slid back softly, just as he remembered. Paved with gold and silver stones, a path wound through the middle of the beautiful, lush greenery. It was the epitome of perfect. Every leaf hanging off the golden trees shone with dew and was soft and full. The ground was free of dead leaves, but had bright green grass instead that massaged the angel’s feet as they walked. Genesis was following Jeremiah close behind, her brown curls gleaming gold in the sunlight through the trees, her eyes wide. All seven of them were silent. Besides Jeremiah, none of them had ever been in the garden before. He was used to the way the trees stood, casting shadows over the path with their foreboding branches, warning the angels of the pure power that was inside the garden. “Where are you taking us, Jer?” asked Judas, speeding up to walk beside him.

“A place where we can see the world below,” Jeremiah answered, speeding up and veering off the stone path. There was a slight mumbling in reply to his words, but he ignored it, following the path he knew so well. None of the other angels questioned how he knew exactly where to go, just followed meekly. He smiled to himself, breathing deeply and letting the smell of the garden overwhelm his senses. He loved it here, and for a second he didn’t remember why he left. He realized he had paused, standing in the middle of the group that had stopped with him, looking at him with bemused expressions. “Sorry,” He said, continuing his trek towards the stone fountain that was growing larger in the distance. No one replied, just followed, the silence growing the longer the walk.

Finally, the little group reached the fountain, and the seven circled around it, looking into the deep pool. “Amazing,” Genesis whispered, peeking over the edge of the stone and seeing the world below.

Amazing was right. Jeremiah remembered the first time he’d looked down into the fountain, searching for something to hold onto that was still alive, when he thought everything was dead. He’d found his way to the stone edge, and looked down into the shinning water, looked down to see his friends and family moving away from him the longer he was there, in the garden and the longer they were on earth. This place had given him the strength to move on. Now they were going to destroy it by putting all the hate on earth into it. It was powerful enough to hold it, Jeremiah knew. What would happen to the beautiful place in the process? The other angels didn’t seem to have the same qualms as him; some of them were even smiling eagerly for the exciting things ahead.

Samuel rubbed his hands together. He was one of the ones smiling. “So what’s the plan, Genesis?” Jeremiah asked, looking at the stone that was so familiar. Floating through his mind were the memories of sitting here, ignoring the stiffness caused by hours of not moving, watching the world below and praying that one day he could go back. One day, he could return.

He hadn’t returned though, and the sad truth now was he still wanted too. Even after he’d stood up that one day, even after he’d walked straight out of Eden and into the Heaven beyond, even after he’d defeated the demons that floated in the air and told you that you weren’t worthy of anything, the demons that he had constructed, he still wanted to go back. Floating on the surface of the water were images of his married love on earth, with her children, with her husband… Stop.

Genesis was unpacking things from a bag hanging on her side. She handed each of them a dagger incrusted with pearls and rubies. “This is not going to be easy,” she began, kneeling on the hard stone. “To cleanse the earth, we must let ourselves bleed into the pool, let our ichor scrub the earth.”

Ezra paled, and Joshua stepped forward, opening his mouth to say something. In answer, Genesis held up her hand. “It’s difficult magic. There’s a possibility that none of us will make it out. But we must save the humans on earth, that’s our job.”

“You’ve led us here to our death?” Esther spat, stepping forward to stand beside Samuel, who looked surprised.

“I’ve led you here to save the human race.” Genesis answered her voice calm and collected.

Esther didn’t reply, merely stepped back into the throng, her face closed. Everyone’s expressions different level of shock, but Jeremiah wasn’t surprised at all. In fact, he felt a little relieved. “I’m finally going home,” he breathed.

“What, Jeremiah?”

“Nothing.” He replied, his finger tracing over the dagger Genesis had handed him.

Slowly, the five other angels circled around the pool, taking their places on knees against the stone. They held their daggers in their hands and looked to Genesis, who, for all her calm words and collected face, was shaking as she gripped her dagger. “Let’s all say a prayer,” Joshua suggested, kneeling beside Genesis. Jeremiah could see the unspoken words between the two angels, could see the way Joshua’s fingers itched to close around Genesis’. All heads bowed, and mouthed words along with hers. When Jeremiah looked up after the prayer was finished, several people had tears of fear glistening in their eyes. Ezra was shaking like a leaf, and Esther was white knuckling her knife. Genesis, quickly followed by Samuel and Joshua, placed her forearm on the stone. Genesis waited until all seven were ready, with their daggers held above their arms to breathe a soft ‘go’.

The first initial sting was much strong than Jeremiah expected it to be. He gasped, and then bit down on his lip. He could literally feel the blood seeping out of his arm and could barely move it to hover over the pool. It felt like a lead weight, and it was all he could to hold his head up. Silence bubbled around him and he wondered if the other angels felt the hurt deep inside their soul. He looked down into the pool, watching faces he remembered from his time on earth flickering back and forth between scenes. Angry faces, drawn and pale. Above them hung huge red clouds, that as he sat, letting his golden blood spew into the water of the pool dissipated and clouded up the pool with scarlet stains that evaporated quickly into the air. Jeremiah didn’t know how long he sat there, his arm held above the pool. When the ichor’s flow would slow, he create another gash in his arm and the blood would resume its fast flow out into the pool that was clouded with red and gold floating flowers. His eyesight grew fuzzy as he watched single drops of his blood slip from his wounds. A plop in the pool of his dagger falling from his limp right hand was the last sound that he heard, as his eyesight went dark all together.

He stopped existing, in that moment. It wasn’t fast, his supernatural body slowly faded away. He couldn’t see anything, but he felt it as his body shriveled into nothingness. Then he was falling, fast. There seemed to be nothing below him to catch him, until suddenly a crash greeted him and he could no longer breathe or feel.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
317 Reviews


Points: 20
Reviews: 317

Donate
Sun Dec 29, 2013 10:45 pm
lostthought wrote a review...



Hey Spark! Time to review! Ok I have a few nitpicks that I would like to show you.

~Only blind faith in his sister, Genesis had kept him going.~
-Maybe you can change it *Only blind faith in his sister, Genesis, had kept him going* Unless he has more than one sister in which what you put was right.

~The scratching didn’t pull her back to Wall Street, but Josh’s hand, soft and warm slipped subtly into hers did.~
-Perhaps this would seem more natural *The scratching didn't pull her back to Wall Street, but Josh's hand, soft and warm slipping subtly into hers did.* If scratching is present, shouldn't slipping being present?

~Ezra was shaking like a leaf, and Esther was white knuckling her knife.~
-This looks like it is missing a comma. *Erza was shaking like a leaf, and Esther was white, knuckling her knife.*

Well that's all nitpicks I have.

Ok, now we are past the nitpicks, let's move on to the second part, the feedback. I like how it on angels and heaven. I like how you put the quote in the beginning. At first I was a bit confused when it turned to them arguing. Then as it progressed it made a lot more sense.

Why would they cut all the blood out of them? I read it but I still don't understand. Also there is the question of where angels go after death. Is there a heaven for angels? Or are they reborned into something more...godlike? Well, keep writing! I can't wait to read more!

~lost




User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 922
Reviews: 8

Donate
Wed Dec 18, 2013 6:33 pm
Odysseus310 wrote a review...



This is quite a unique take on angels/heaven/theology. I have to agree completely with what StellaThomas mentioned in her second point--I would worry about the fate of the world being in the hands of such angels! (Rather, "having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ" [Romans 5:1].) Anyways, as a sort of bookend to Stella's review, here are the grammatical notes I made as I wrote.

1. In the first section: "Only blind faith in his sister, Genesis had kept him going." This sentence would flow with no commas at all, as in ". . . sister Genesis had. . ."

2. In the second section: "one-way" does not need to be hyphenated.
"And the madness that was inside her hung onto every part of her, to where you could see it in the way she held her hands in her lap." Maybe it would be better to write ". . . part of her; one could see it . . ."

3. In the third section: ". . . not bothering to turn to see if any of the other angels were follow her." Should it be "following"?
When Genesis says “Don’t ever doubt my loyalty to you, Joshua," I thought Joshua was still speaking. Maybe a sentence switching the reader's attention back to Genesis could precede the quote?
There should be a period between "head" and “We never have a plan.” (Esther is speaking.)
"She hadn’t planned on telling them until the very last moment, didn’t plan on giving them a chance to change their minds." This is a comma splice. Grammatically speaking, it should say ". . . moment; she didn't plan . . ."
". . . Josh’s hand, soft and warm slipped subtly into hers did." Maybe this should be rearranged, perhaps into ". . . Josh's soft, warm hand slipping subtly into hers did."

Question: Have you ever read "This Present Darkness" by Frank Peretti? If you've ever wondered how angels/demons could exist in our world, that is a good book to read. Just a recommendation! And two last comments: first, I liked the way you partitioned your work into the various viewpoints of the different angels. It helped not only to progress the story but also to introduce seven characters at the same time (though I am very curious about Judas' role). And second, I am interested in seeing {II} show up soon!

~ Odysseus310 ~




User avatar
1125 Reviews


Points: 53415
Reviews: 1125

Donate
Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:50 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Heeeey look it's the angels thing!

So this was really interesting, what a cool concept! I loved the descriptions, I loved the idea of locking everything away in the garden of Eden, in the one place humans can't go- so beautifully simple!

I did have a couple of qualms. Firstly, the name Ezra- isn't Ezra a man's name? Ordinarily it would be fine but since we're all Old-Testament here I felt like naming a girl Ezra was a little bit out of place... but that's your choice, and if you stand by it, then that's cool, I just thought I'd mention it.

Secondly, I got a bit puzzled the whole way through about the age of the angels. At first I thought this was a group of bickering teenagers, and then as it went on and you mentioned they were the seven that God left in His stead, I thought, maybe they're, you know, as old as time. But then you mentioned Jeremiah's human life. And it's all a bit confusing. They still seemed immature enough to be teenagers, even just physically. I just didn't get the impression that they had been around for centuries or millennia and as a human, I'm quite worried about the idea that these are the people the fate of my entire race is in! I think you need to decide what age you want them to be - both physically and mentally - and show that in your story. Because they seem to be drifting at the moment and it just doesn't come off as polished.

Lastly, I know how it is to write a big established group. My novel focuses on a group of five girls who have their own loyalties and dislikes, their own personalities, and their own ways of jumping to conclusions about the others. You know, "Oh, Joshua will come to my side first" thinks Genesis etc. And I really like that you've got those personalities and those dynamics sorted out in your head. But it isn't translating so well onto paper. You need to give us a little more time to grab a handle on it. At first I felt like Sam and Genesis were both really gung-ho but at opposite ends of the spectrum, and then Sam sort of blends into the background, and Jeremiah steps forward and... I think maybe your pace isn't lending well to good character development. I mean the opening scene could be five times longer and we could get a handle on each of them before we progress. And, of course, your pace is fine if that's the way you want it! Just don't move too fast at the expense of your characters. If we're lost at the beginning there's a chance we're never going to get to grips with who's who. And I think that's important.

Anyway, I thought it was great! Will there be more coming? :)

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x




LadySpark says...


Yep! Hopefully I'll stick by the once a week thing! And thanks for pointing out the personalities/age thing. You're totally right! I had thought of age thing, but I guess it didn't occur to me to write it down.

Thanks Stells! <3



Random avatar

Points: 2966
Reviews: 142

Donate
Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:29 am
Bugslake says...



This was very cool. I like this story and I want you to keep going with it. Some of the story kind of bored me with its details. I'm sorry I'm not a big fan of tons of detail, but besides that it is really good.

Your characters are excellent and I didn't find any errors in here. Wonderful work, keep it up.





This is a house of homes, a sacred place, by human passion made divinely sweet.
— Alfred Joyce Kilmer