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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence

The Adventures of the G.L.R Issue 1: Welcome Aboard

by Niraco


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

The G.L.R isn't a ship of power or stealth, it doesn't even have any unique weaponry. What it does have however is a family - a slightly dysfunctional family who yell, scream and kick each other. They may all not be blood related but they act as if they were.

The G.L.R was whirring away through the still, open space. The day was normal, according to the local galactic weather report - which the crew heard as they pick up an alien signal from their intercom - was to be clear with slight meteor showers.

Again the crew were bickering over a topic discussed at great length, which still didn't have a resolve. Who should be captain?

The two youngest crew members argued that they would be best suited. Wave, the blue Semaloid, had a unique approach.

The Semaloids aren't the most trusted of alien species, what with their humanoid features and their disputes amongst their three home planets. It is unusual to have Semaloids outside their cluster. They also tend not to do well in groups.

"I should be captain!" yelled Wave, her hands on her hips, face pouting and her water blue locks cloaking her face. "I'm the second youngest meaning I have a more understanding on how the world now works, unlike you oldies."

"I'm only 21!" screamed the two eldest.

"I'm older than you though!" This was Niracos, the green Semaloid, argument all the time. She may have been only a few months older than Damion - the orange Semaloid - but he felt that he should be captain. His argument infuriated the other girls.

"I'm stuck on a ship with four women! Let me have at least something fun!" he'd say, his arms folded over his chest.

This would then spark a fight between him and Niraco. Which they would then laugh about in ten minutes after they had worn each other out.

This would give Synergii, the young red Semaloid, an opportunity to speak up. "I should be captain! I'm the smartest and I matured longer than you-"

She was then cut off by her older sister Niraco. "You're just a baby, baby's need to learn how to walk before they can lead a ship."

Of course in Niraco's mind she was thinking about what was best for her sister and not seeing how insensitive she was being.

Syngerii stormed out of the bridge and into her own cabin.

"Was it something I said?"

Cayleon - the yellow Semaloid - slapped her forehead. She was the only one who wouldn't argue. She didn't want to be captain, her job was hard enough without the pressure of leading a ship. Whenever this argument arose she would work on the ships . Rongo. The ship originally came with the A.I, but all it did was auto-pilot the ship and maybe give out warnings to incoming dangerous. Cayloen had turned the basic A.I into one they could be proud of.

She was always making adjustmentss to the A.I. Her biggest breakthrough was getting the A.I into a robot. She had limited resources and this was groundbreaking for the crew.

"What do you think Cayleon?" asked Wave. "Who do you think should be captain?"

"Oh, no. You can't ask your sister. She bias," said Niraco.

"Oh, geez, thanks," Cayleon said dryly.

"Okay then, Rongo!" Damion summand the robot.

Rongo had been hovering just above Cayleon when Damion spoke. "What. Is. It. Master. Damion."

"Who is best suited for being Captain of this ship?" he smirked thinking he'd be the best choice.

"Master. Cayleon. Is. Best. Suited."

"What?!"

Cayleon smiled a little. "I don't wanna be captain, Rongo. Pick someone else."

"Then. It. Is. Typically. Suited. For. The. Eldest. Member. Being. Master. Niraco."

"Told ya!" Niraco playfully punching Damions arm.

"Yet. Her. Recklessness. Level. Means. She. Is. Not. The. Best. Choice."

"What?!" Niraco bellowed, her tinted green skin turning red. "How?! Then who?!"

"Each. Master. Has. The. Same. Probability. Of. Captains." Rongo said, monotoned.

"This is nonsense! I should be captain!"

This argument was vocal for around another hour then the three tired themselves out. Wave had taken a nap on the floor. Niraco was half asleep in another chair and Damion was away, in the observation room most likely, getting his eyes lost in the stars.

Cayleon stepped over her sister as she returned to the bridge. Through the arguments she had gotten a craving for some tea and made her way to the ships kitchen. She slumped into her seat sipping at the tea gingerly. A breath of relaxation left her mouth, she was glad for the peace that had blessed the ship.

Synergii walked back into the bridge. "I see they finally stopped," she giggled, stepping over Wave.

Niraco rested her head on her fist, her eyes closed.

"Yeah, I just left them to it," she took another sip.

Synergii leaned behind Cayleon, she took a quick look at the radar; so quick that she missed the small incoming unknown ship approaching.

Wave heard the two talking and woke up. Stumbling she got up and walked towards Cayleon, she used the back of her sisters chair to support herself upright. "Where's Damion?"

"Not to worry ladies!" the boy said, entering the bridge on cue. "I'm right here!"

"Yippee(!)," said the three girls.

He looked down and giggled to himself at the sight of the dreaming Niraco.

"Hey," he beckoned to Synergii. "Wanna get revenge from what she said before?"

An evil smirked slid its self Synergiis mouth.

Cayleon took a quick glance at the radar and almost missed the unknown ship for the second time. Luckily she had sharper eyes than Synergii - who funnily enough wore glasses. "Hey guys, sorry to be a kill joy but there's a transmission coming through." Cayleon had a concerned expression as she put down her mug.

"Run it," Niraco said, her eyes still closed. "Also guys," she looked up at Damion and Synergii looming towards her. "Don't even think about it."

She pushed past her sister and bestfriend and strolled over to the podium.

"Why does she always get to do the transmissions," Damion muttered under his breath, taking his seat beside Cayleon and looking at the sensors.

"Because she's the eldest," Synergii stood behind Damion, mocking her sister.

"Putting on screen," Cayleon said, as she connected the other ships communication with the G.L.R.

A projection came up in front of Niraco. Synergii stood near her sister, staring at the screen.

"Please...help...let...aboard...ship..."

"What's happening, Cayleon?" Niraco asked.

Furiously Cayleon tinkered with the control panel. "I can't get a clear signal, whoever it is, it's in a one pilot ship!"

"He's requesting to come aboard...what should we do?" Damion asked.

The transmission went dead, the small ship loomed closer. Niraco's face frowned, her eyebrows knitted together.

"We can't let an unknown source into this ship, who knows why he's here," Wave said, thinking she was the voice of reason.

"No, he seemed in danger, we can't leave him out there," Damion argued.

Niraco stood there. The controls in front of her allowed the G.L.R to dock along with allowing other ships into the cargobay.

"What do you think Syn?" she said.

"I don't know...all I know is..." she trailed off.

"What, Syn?"

"I have a bad feeling."

Niraco asked Cayleon to send a transmission back to the other ship, telling it the G.L.R allowed it to board the ship. Once the signal was received Niraco pressed a button on the control pad in front of her.

"Damion, could you and Cayleon get the stranger. Cuff him too, just in case. Wave...go...just go with them," Niraco snapped.

"Wait. Why are you giving out orders anyway?" Wave barked back. "You're not the captain."

"Neither are you!" Niraco yelled, harsher than she intended to.

"Yikes, someone woke up cranky," said Wave, sticking her blue tongue out.

Once the three crew members left Niraco stood down from the podium. "Syn, what about this bad feeling?"

Synergii rubbed her shoulder. "I feel...somethings coming. Something big Ni."

"Keep an eye out on that radar-"

The G.L.R shook with the new weight of the docked ship. Niraco rolled her eyes. "Look out for anything else, put us on stealth mode too...just in case, y'know?"

Synergii nodded and took to the seat left by Cayleon.

Niraco hurried down inside the docking bay. Damion already had the stranger in shackles, he was a Arocone. He looked beat up, yet Damion swore it wasn't him. Damion was the strongest member of the G.L.R. Which was expected from a Darmonyte. Naturally, Darmonytes were the stronger type of Semaloids, despite their endangerment.

"An Arocone? What's he doing in open space on his own?"

Arocones are light skinned creatures with two different eyes. One is used for normal sight and the other is for reading temperatures. Normally they stay on their mothership with the royal family. It is rare to find even a group of them so far away.

Cayleon filled Niraco in on what the Arocone had told them. "He's a bit shaky but we got some info off him."

"Like what?" Niraco asked.

"He's being chased, by what we don't know," she looked over to Damion who was trying to calm down the panicking Arocone.

"Wait? What? Who...Who's chasing you?" Damion asked, getting irritated.

"Dethre!"

Just as the Arocone breathlessly uttered, Synergiis voice boomed on the intercom. "Guys, get up here. Now!"

Damion pushed the Arocone in front of him towards the bridge. Cayleon leaded over Synergiis shoulder, trying to peek at the radar.

"Damn it!" she hissed, getting into the pilot's seat.

"What is it?" Wave asked, a feeling of dread in her stomach.

Cayleon took a tight grip of the ships steering controls. "Rongo, get a lock on the bogey behind us."

"Will. Do. Master. Cayleon." Rongo's voice rang through the ships speakers.

"Damion, take to the cannons will ya," she commanded.

"Got it!" Damion took to the controls across from Cayleon.

Niraco took to the podium, checking over the scanners. "Wave come up here and keep an eye on this."

Wave nodded to Niraco and took her spot. Niraco sat in the chair beside Damion, focusing on the ships guns.

"Transmission coming through," Cayleon said.

"Put it up," Wave demanded.

An audio recording popped up in front of Wave. It was broken in places and the static was strong. "Give us the Arocone or we will be forced to open fire."

"Why are you after this Arocone?" Wave asked.

"That is classified information," the recording informed.

"Then we can't allow this," Wave said, her voice somewhat shaking.

There was a noise which sounded like a sigh. "That is...most unfortunate."

`

The transmission cut off.

"Incoming missile port side!" Synergii yelled.

"Everybody hold on!"

Cayleon pulled hard on the controls. The Arocone - who had stood behind Damions seat - was thrown off his feet with a crashing force.

"Sit somewhere you idiot!" Damion snapped.

The panicking Arocone followed the command without a peep.

Cayleon jerked the controls to the side, causing Niraco to almost fall out of her seat. To steady herself she accidentally slammed her palm on the control panel. The ship slightly vibrated as iips guns fired.

"Oops," she muttered, looking nervously at Damion who had an annoyed look on his face.

"I don't think I can out run this missile," Cayleon said, pulling on the ships steering controls as hard as she could. "We're at full velocity, if I keep this up, the I'll blow up the engines."

"Then, let's blow up the missile with another one," Damion suggest.

"We don't have a fully functional homing signal. If we do that you'll need to line up the shot manually," Niraco said.

"No problem," he said, with a cocky smile on his face.

Smirking, Niraco nodded her head. "Alright then! Turn us around, Cayleon."

"Two minutes till impact!" Synergii yelled.

Doubt filled Cayleons stomach, she hesitated but when Damion repeated the command she tried pushing past the doubt.

"Niraco, line it up for me!"

Ferociously Niraco hammered a few controls.

"Damn it! It keeps moving!" Niraco bellowed. "Stay still you little bitch of a missile!"

Damion couldn't help but mutter a laugh to himself.

"One minute!"

"Okay I got it! Go!" Niraco yelled, almost bursting Damions ear drums.

Damion smirked as he let go of the ships missile. The explosion of the two missiles made the ship shake.

"Another transmission," Wave exclaimed, as she passed through the transmission.

"We will give you one more chance to hand over the Arocone," the recording said.

Cayleon tightened her grip on the steering controls. "Then come and get us!" she yelled, adrenalin pumping through her body.

"Cayleon?" Damion said, in disbelief of the women's guts.

"Open fire you two!" Cayleon said, to the eldest Semaloids.

"Aye, aye!" the two said.

Damion and Niraco both worked at their best together. As much as they argued, fought and insulted the two were hardly seen doing anything without each other.

Which was why the two were able to take down the enemy ship with two missiles from Damion and a few dozen beams from Niraco.

The celebration over winning was postponed however.

"I don't see why you look so happy!" hissed the Arocone - which everyone had almost forgotten about. "More will come. Stronger, then, will you be as cheerful?" he said, breathlessly.

His eyes then rolled back into his head, he struggled to stay up on his feet and eventually fell to the ground the extenuation of being chased finally hit him hard.

The team argued on who should take care of the Arocone. It fell to Synergii. She muttered Semaloid curses at the crew as her small little arms hoisted the Arocones body over her shoulder without any trouble.

Synergii had an incredible gift which the rest of the team were slightly jealous of - not that they would ever admit to it. She could have only a few moments of studying a life form and know more about it than the life form did. How a species ticked, its biology, sometimes she would be able to 'read' a person's personality.

She checked over the Arocones vitals, he had a bit of a fever, somewhat dehydrated but over all he wasn't half bad for a guy who'd just been chased down by a ship of Dethre.

Synergii was checking the Arocone over one final time, just to be sure, when she spotted a mark on his wrist.

It was a purple circle, half transparent.

She moved away from him and went to the intercom, she pushed the switch when a hand covered her mouth. Her scream was muffled and the intercom couldn't pick up on it. Her arms waved around frantically but to no avail.

"Please, be still," it was the Arocone. His other arm tightened across Synergii, keeping her arms bound to her side. "I know you seen my mark, I beg you, do not say anything to your crew, please."

Synergiis breathing was fast and sharp, her pulse racing from the shock.

"I'm going to let you go now, so please don't scream, don't do anything rash," he begged.

Synergii had spent enough time studying the Arocone. He didn't mean any harm all he wanted to keep his identity a secret. So she kept still when he let her go.

"What's you name?" she slowly turned around and asked the alien.

"Avirosylanto, but I'm nicknamed Avarshei."

"Avarshei...I...I'm Synergii." She looked down at his wrist, the mark now completely transparent. "Is that, why they were after you?"

He nodded, his arm slightly behind his back. "I need to return to my father, please don't mention this to anyone."

"I..." she sighed, conflicted. "I won't."

"Thank you." The Arocone took out a breath of relief which he had clearly been holding in for some time.

The intercom boomed through the ship. "Hey Synergii, meet me at the lounge will ya?" it was Wave.

Synergii said goodbye to the Arocone and rushed out of the room but then poked her head through the door. "Oh, before I forget, welcome to the G.L.R."


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70 Reviews


Points: 9
Reviews: 70

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Sat Dec 21, 2013 12:34 am
Pan wrote a review...



Pen here with a review!
First, to start things off, it's a great story. It's got a good plot (so far) and there's traces of humor and a small hint of possible romance! I adore sci-fi stories, so this 'Space Opera' (As Tenyo called it) is exactly something I'd want to read!
Here are my nitpicks: To start it off, there were small errors, maybe a few punctuation and spelling, and a decent amount of grammatical errors.
But no worries, they weren't terrible. Just tiny, tiny things.
Next, I have to say that there's a ton of information, and it seems really rushed, like you just want this story to be maybe five chapters long! So try adding a tiny bit more filler, and not so much plotline. After that, we come to the issue of keeping your readers entertained.
You want to keep the readers on their toes, right? Right. You've got to add thrills. You have to throw in surprises.
Next, I was thoroughly confused about what a 'GLR' is. Maybe you should explain that better. Explain what the acronym is. Give more information of the background. More expositional information.
Now, that's all I have to say about the wrongs.
Let's move onto the rights!
I think that the way that the characters interact is well written. I can see the sibling rivalry and the cute love/hate relationship between Niraco and Damion. But explain how they became friends, add a few flashbacks. How did the team get assembled? Who came up with the idea of the group? Who's going to end up as captain? These are vital questions about this story that need to be answered. I can assure you that it could cause confusion. Also, I am confused about the different types of aliens. Describe all of them, and history between the species. Where are the humans?
Anyways, I loved it, even though it was a tad confusing.
Good Job and Keep writing!
~Pen




Niraco says...


There is really only supposed to be around 10 chapters. Because it is a collaboration between myself and my sister some parts aren't as detailed since she uses this as a script almost. But thanks for the review I will go back and try to clear up the confusion :)



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560 Reviews


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Thu Dec 19, 2013 1:14 am
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Tenyo wrote a review...



Space opera 8D How did this escape my claws.

I'm a huge fan of the genre, so this work instantly gets bonus points from me. Out of curiosity, did you name your username after your character or your character after your username?

Good stuff
There are so many positive things I can say about this work. The variety of characters is wonderful. From the very beginning I was fascinated by them. There are a fair few and they all have very unique ways of speaking and behaving, and the roles they play. The universe in which this is set is really interesting as well and I get the impression there has been a lot of cog-turning as far as background detail goes. Oh, and Rongo made me laugh so much.

The captain thing
That scares me a bit. Do you get along with your family? Family is a hard thing to get along with because you spend so much time with them it's easy to get in each others way. This is even more so on a ship because you can go for days, weeks, maybe even months at a time all confined in the same quarters without ever seeing another human being.

In this kind of environment a ship tends to have a captain, and those who don't know will learn fast that if they don't all agree to be under the rule of one person then mutiny would tear the whole vessel apart.

For that reason, even if it's just playing, arguing over who is captain is a dangerous thing to do, and ships without captains really do just drop out of the sky. That's just my opinion and the impression I get from my knowledge of boats and ships. I imagine other people would think otherwise so take it with a pinch of salt and get a second opinion before you think about editing anything in that area.

Head/ache
One of the hardest things about starting a story in a fantasy world is getting all the necessary info into your readers head as quickly as possible- but this is an easy way to lose them. It's something that film producers do better at than authors.

I know you probably want to get to the exciting part fairly quickly but there is merit to introducing your characters one at a time and saving off some of the action until later. Have you seen Firefly? If not, it's a must for space opera fans. It starts with just two main characters, then there is a time skip and the pilot is introduced on his own, two more a little later who are defined purely by their roles, and then it's a few more scenes in between the introduction of the next four characters.

It's a big crew, but they all have enough screen time on their own to be noticed, while the background details are woven in around the plot throughout these scenes.

In writing it's harder to pull off, but the principle is the same. Give your characters enough space on the page to allow their personalities to show through.

And don't forget, these first few crucial pages are for your characters. You can describe the appearance, but stuff about the different races can always wait until another time. The part about the Darmonytes being endangered interests me, but you could probably hold that fact off until a more significant moment when you can explore the topic and how it effects your characters in greater depth.

Overall
Regardless of how much I love the genre, this is still a really great piece. Just take your time with it and make the most of these awesome characters. They deserve it.




Niraco says...


Thank you for the review. I never thought of the captian thing as being a big deal. Since both my sister and myself work on this. I write most of the stuff while she turns it into a comic. I'll go back and see if we can revise that as it was really just supposed to be a running joke.
The name Niraco was one I made up years ago and had it as a pen-name. When my sister and I were creating the characters we struggled with naming so I suggested my own. Plus the character is green and it is the best colour ever.
Thank you again for your review. It means an awful lot.



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Tue Dec 03, 2013 8:30 am
Snowery wrote a review...



Hey Niraco!! Silver here to review your piece!
I don't usually read or review science fiction but I'll do my best.

Your gramma, spelling and structure looks great so I'll mainly review your content instead.
At the beginning I was enjoying your story but as it went on I felt that it was a little too long for my liking. Maybe its just me though. I liked how you started with the bickering over captaincy because it let us get to know your characters a little better, which I'm sure was your intention.

"Damion and Niraco both worked at their best together. As much as they argued, fought and insulted the two were hardly seen doing anything without each other.
That's why the two were able to take down the enemy ship with two missiles from Damion and a few dozen beams from Niraco."
Maybe this would sound better if you said: "which was why the two were able to..."

"the ships Artificial Intelligent"
I think this should be: " the ships Artificial Intelligence"

Overall I thought that this was very well written, well paced and well done in general. As I said I'm no sci-fi buff but I hope that I helped. Happy writing!! :)

Silverlock




Niraco says...


Thank for that review. Normally I always have grammar and spelling mistakes so that made me very happy. I can see why you find it long as it is a collaboration with my sister so some parts had to be more detailed than other so she can turn it into a comic book.
Also glad to see you got away from your comfort-zone by reading science fiction :D




A wizard is never late. Nor is he early; he arrives precisely when he means to.
— Gandalf