E - Everyone

New Genesis (Chapter 1)

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The year was 2085, exactly twenty years after the wipe out, a worldwide event that affected the whole planet and thrust us into near extinction. Exactly twenty years after the death of billions who were above the cut of age…thrust into the abyss with no way back. Exactly twenty years after the loss everything which made up the past of the survivors who were mere children of different age with nothing left in their minds but empty shells. Exactly twenty years since nothingness. From records, the wipeout had just occurred out of nowhere and taken all adults into death’s oblivion and left the naïve children to rule with empty minds. Yet, in that chaos, a person rose of age past children’s with the will to pull all together, thus establishing the Empire…a single rule of the whole world as one. The person was deemed the Emperor, ruler of all what was left of the world and rule he did. He divided the earth into divisions…with the Alphas at the top. With his rule came increase in everything…wisdom, technology and a reign of peace everywhere around the earth. There was total eradication of poverty and starvation and also total security for all in the Emperor’s domain. My name is Lucas N, member of the Alpha family and I was the security expert of several sectors of the Cronos city, the most booming city in all the empire. I had undying loyalty to the Emperor and questioned nothing. I was one who felt no pain for the past forgotten…the past was gone and I had no pity for that…that was until that faithful day.

My eyes snapped open to the sound of the sixth stroke of my clock, pulling me out from a light slumber which was what I usually had every night. Dreamless sleeps with nothing but darkness surrounding your world. Slowly, I sat up and gazed out the window of my top floor apartment, looking at the bright sky. Rubbing my eyes lightly, I got off the bed and walked into the bathroom, looking at the mirror. The reflection of a man in the end of his twenties stared back at me with deep black hair and eyes which seemed to show how dark space was. Slowly, I rinsed my face and set out my daily rituals. Within minutes, I had taken my bath and already dressed in my black shirt tacked nicely into my black pants with black shoes on. I entered the kitchen and was immediately greeted by the smell of warm coffee. With a slight sigh, I took a seat at the table and sipped my black coffee with no cream or sugar and ate my raw toast. Some people would call my meal rather undernourished and had requested me to take in the normal bacon or egg and all those stuff but the truth about hot black coffee was that it kept me on my toes.

“The daily news”, I said and was immediately greeted with a holographic screen of words and pictures. I read slowly, taking my time to make sure I got every word in…part of my daily ritual to know everything occurring around me. It seemed that the rebels had struck again. The rebels were a group of unwise people who thought the fact that the wipe out had been an act by the empire to take their free will. Even though they stood for free will, they were a threat and I was willing to do whatever it took to take care of all threats against the peace and prosperity provided.

“Contact Commander Prej.”, I said taking another sip of my brew as the house internal computer take charge and dialed the Commander’s line. And almost immediately, the face of a man appeared where my news report had been a few seconds ago. Commander Prej was a dark man with eyes like cold steel and more importantly, he had iron will.

“Lucas, I deem you have already read the daily news report, am I correct?”, he asked in a deep voice with an air of vengeance around him. He was not the type of man to go against.

“Yes Commander, though harmless the rebels’ activities are but we have to make a respond”, I said, dropping my empty cup and giving my full attention to the matter at hand. The rebels needed to be dealt with.

“A simple graffiti in front of a building isn’t something to care about”, the Commander said, chuckling a bit from the humor.

“A simple graffiti is one thing, but a simple graffiti in front of the Genesis building is another thing altogether”, I said, emphasizing my point to him.

For a second, I saw a bit of recognition in his eyes…but just for a second.

“Well, I predicted this would happen, so I sent a transport to your location with a group of A7 bots. We tracked down the location of some of the rebel right on the border of the city. The transport will be at you location in a few seconds. I leave the decision making to you this time, do as you see fit”, the Commander said, placing his attention somewhere else.

I stood up and slung my long black coat on.

“”Yes sir”, I said right before the line went dead. I walked up to the window and looked out. The streets were littered with people minding their sown business…living the peaceful life the Empire provided…and I was going to maintain that. I looked up and saw the transport approaching from the distance as it zoomed across the sky, headed in my direction. I turned around and walked out the apartment. Within seconds, I was out and standing upfront as the transport landed in front of me. It was a simple military one with the normal four thruster engines and a small cargo bay. I walked around and entered through the back, not disturbed by the slight disturbance it caused. In the cargo bay, I was greeted to the sight of exactly ten silvery A7 bots which humanoid in nature with weapons as their arms. They were not totally advanced but they would surely get the job done. Letting them out of my mind, I walked to the pilot section and looked at the person piloting. He was not what I would call the strong looking type but rather a weak one starting the job.

“I believe you’ve been given the coordinates, right?”, I asked as I took a seat beside him.

“Ye…yes sir”, he literally shouted, almost shutting my ears down for good.

“Fly, I like to complete my task in the next thirty minutes”, I said in my normal cold tone as the ship begun to take off…soon, we were blurring through the sky, headed for the outskirt jungles of the city. Cronos was the biggest and best city of the entire empire, having everything, yet it was surrounded by total jungle, an element which kept the city’s air systems always fresh. I don’t know how long I kept sitting there but I was pulled out of my thoughts by a buzzing sound.

“Sir, we’ve arrived a few clicks from the location”.

I nodded and stood up.

“Keep it in the air until I tell you to come down. Open the cargo bay doors”, I said and walked out, immediately greeted by bright light and cold air coming in through the open cargo doors.

“A7 bots, activate”, I ordered and immediately, the bots stood up with scanners bright like red eyes.

"Hostile subjects must be terminated and others must be made immobile.", I ordered as I looked out the hanger doors to see that we were not far from the ground…a leap down wouldn’t even stress me out.

“Move out”, I said before jumping out and landing calmly followed by several thuds as the bots landed around me. Taking a few seconds to breath, I looked around and examined my surroundings. We were at the outskirts of the jungle.

“Scan the environment”, I whispered as if someone could hear me.

“Targets ahead”, a mechanical voice said behind me. I looked at the bot beside me and saw a hologram of the area in front of me. There was a river not far from where I stood and near it was a small concentration of fifteen people.

“Move out”, I said and begun taking careful steps into the jungle, allowing in to swallow me. With my dark clothing, I could easily blend in with the slight darkness in it…but as for the bots, their silvery color gave everything away.

I stopped and looked ahead. I could see them; clearly they were not security wise.

“Take them”, I ordered and immediately the bots blasted through into the mass, shooting and burning holes in anyone who raised a weapon at them. I could have stayed there and let them do all the work but I didn’t…I made the decision which changed my life for good.

I rushed out into the open and started shooting. I shot a man through the head and ducked, letting a laser miss me by mere inches. I spun to the direction of the shooter and gunned him down. At the moment, I heard that faithful snap of a twig. The sound was enough to propel me around and aim my gun at a woman who was clearly a few years younger than me. I could have pulled the trigger but I paused. She had deep black hair and sea blue eyes which seemed to burn into my soul. I could see the fear and recognition in them…the silent plea to be left to leave. But before I could make a decision, she crumpled to the ground unconscious as she was stunned by one of the bots. I was shaken and took a few seconds to look at her. Somehow, I knew who this person was…I didn’t know but I was sure I recognized her from somewhere and I knew she too recognized me.

“Bring the transport down” I whispered into my comm.

I needed to find out what was wrong…did I know her? And more importantly, did she know me?

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
lostthought
Review

Hi there! Oooo suspense. Well I am your reviewer today. Let me give you your tour of the review.

First stop- the gun fight. Although it happened at the end, I feel that this should be established first. I love how you detailed the fight. But in the paragraph with the gunfight this sentence really grabs my attention. I don't know why but it does.
~Somehow, I knew who this person was...I didn't know but I was sure I recognized her from somewhere and I knew she too recognized me.~


Second stop- the dialogue. This transitioned smoothly to me. It didn't sound choppy or too cut off. It was like a knife cutting through butter.

Last stop- the suspense. The last two sentences were good conductors of suspenseful attitude. It leaves us with the question- Do they know each other?
~I needed to find out what was wrong…did I know her? And more importantly, did she know me?~

Well that is the end of the review. I'll read your next chapter if I can. Just keep writing!

~lost

User avatar
Ventomology
Review

Oh goodness. I love dystopian fiction.
Well then, first things first: Clean up is necessary. They aren't super obvious things that you'd pick out by rereading it in your head, so just take a few minutes to read this aloud and fix up verb tenses and a few awkward articles. By the way, you don't normally use an article with graffiti unless it's a particular piece, in which case you would use 'the'.
Next, although you're generally very good with vocabulary, there are a few places here and there where I would use a stronger verb and take out the 'would's, 'could's, and 'was's. Also, a bit of diversity in verbs would be nice, but it's not super important because I only saw close-range repeats once or twice.
Okay... I wouldn't have started this the way you did. A better way would be to start with something really intense, like the actual scene itself with him shooting people, and explaining things in little bits as you go. With dystopian novels, it's not a good idea to let us know everything about the place right away. Just imply that whatever Lucas is doing is totally normal in his society.
Other than that... I didn't see much that needed improvement. You're a heck of a lot better at sensory detail than I am, which makes me really jealous, but maybe with the fighting scene, tell us about the smell, because that always helps set the scene. (Smelling gunpowder/burned stuff always helps with the intensity of a gunfight.)
You've got a great start here, and I'll be back to review again when you post the next chapter!



There is nothing to fear from someone who shouts.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart