Why not paint the roses blue,
for the unity that keeps us together;
for the loyalty that is as soft as a feather.
Why not paint the roses blue?
~
Why not paint the roses blue,
for the serenity of the whole world;
for the confidence that never failed.
Why not paint the roses blue?
~
Why not paint the roses blue,
for the trust in each and everyone;
for the truth remaining when you're alone.
Why not paint the roses blue?
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Hello, EllaBliss!
Keep on writing, I'd love to see more from you.
First off, thanks for being so motivational during this Reviewing War, haha. You've been keeping spirits high and we all appreciate it.
Okay, so I'm no poetry buff and I don't pretend to be, but this is very straightforward and simple, which, in my opinion, is the best kind of poetry. I like how you connected blue with loyalty, serenity, and confidence, since throughout academia that's usually what blue means. I also like that you've made this into kind of a unifying type of thing, bringing together the Cobalt Critiquers and making us more of a team. When I think of blue, I think of the ocean, and like the tide we will always rise! Too much? Okay.
My biggest complaints are that you repeat "why not paint the roses blue?" twice in every stanza. I think it'd be a much more powerful statement if it was just once per stanza, or maybe even twice for the whole thing (one at the beginning and one at the end). However, I myself am a fan of repetition in poetry, so it doesn't bother me all that much. The only other thing that kind of bugged me is that in the first stanza, 'together' and 'feather' rhyme...and then no other lines in the poem do. I think 'feather' would work better if it were a tougher material anyway because loyalty as soft as a feather doesn't seem very loyal to me at all. Maybe stronger than steel or deeper than the sea. I don't know, just something to think about.
Well, hope some of this was helpful
I couldn't find other rhymes
Well then I'd just say don't have anything rhyme at all. Consistency is key! it's not a big deal either way though, so don't worry about it too much
Story, you are copying AE word for word. That isn't a review.
It was either on purpose or a hacker. Either way it's gone now.
Hai Ella!
I understand the point you are trying to put across here! That we should all stay together on review day as it is just for fun. But this is war! XD Just kidding!
I thought this was a lovely poem! Not to much vivid and amazing description but what it does have is humble and dignified!
I do agree with the two below that you don't need to repeat the title twice every stanza! If you removed the last one on each stanza you could have more room for something else!
That's all I have to say for this!
See ya around Ella! Good luck on review day!
"Why not paint the roses blue?" It is used to much in the poem you have written. I think that it is. It is used six times in the space of only three stanzas. It is a over used phrase that can be dimmed down some. Finding a new way to say it, without saying the SAME thing would be wonderful, because you won't bore your reader.
Going with SubtleSanity said:
This is all I have to offer.
Hey Ella, Subtle here for a review on review day! Yes, we should all paint the roses blue because blue will rule forever! Alright, alright. Joking asides, this is a really interesting poem. Especially the title because it was what attracted me. We are all used to painting the roses red, as in Alice in Wonderland, but blue. Well, that's a whole other story. And you have done this story justice, I just adore every reason you have given here for why we should paint it blue. Even though I do not know the connection between the colour blue. The reasons are truly wonderful as they are so positive.
The only thing I can nitpick about, is that having 'why not paint the roses blue' in every stanza twice just seems really repetitive to me. It doesn't stand out in anyway, and than you start your next stanza with the same line, sounds like a tongue twister doesn't it? So, this poem could benefit from just one 'why not paint the roses blue,' and you can also italicized it so that its importance is empathized.
Like this:
Why not paint the roses blue,
for the unity that keeps us together;
for the loyalty that is as soft as a feather.
And so on for the rest of the stanzas, but that's just my two pennies. Is still a very lovely poem, well done!
-S.s
Hi there!
This was great! Well-worded, thoughtful, and really beautiful to read. It all flowed together perfectly, and was really very melodic and lovely. Just a great poem, honestly.
But as your competitor, I must now say: The roses shall never be painted blue because blue is GOING DOWN!! Red rules!!
Heehee, couldn't resist.
Anyway, great job with this! It's not only a good Review Day-related piece, but also just a good piece in general.
First off, I love your twisting of "painting the roses red" into something more thoughtful and more interesting.
"Why not paint the roses blue,
for the serenity of the whole world;
for the confidence that never failed.
Why not paint the roses blue?"
The first stanza makes sense, with you connections between loyalty, unity, and blue, as I can sort of see that. But this next stanza doesn't flow so well. Why should we associate serenity and confidence with blue? And the next stanza, why should we associate trust and truth with blue? My suggestion would be to cut out the "Why not paint the roses blue?" that you have at the beginning and end of every stanza, which gets repetitive and old, and switch it out for your answer to the questions I ask. This would tie it all together, and allow the poem to flow.
Thank you Ellabliss!