Cops 'N' Robbers (Chapter 1)

by NightWolf

Published November 14, 2013

E - Everyone


Cops 'N' Robbers

Chapter 1


It all started with a game. A simple, children's game. As he sat in the interview room, waiting for the police detective to arrive, Lucas mused over his school days, and the source of his crimes.

***

It was the last day of year six, the last day of lenient teachers, scarce homework, and innocence. Secondary school loomed ahead, but the class ignored their impending troubles. Feeling perhaps a little kindly, the teachers allowed the class an extra hour of lunch break. Luke sat on a bench, next to his best friend Callum, while a crowd gathered around them. It had been decided that, for old time's sake, to play one last game. Perhaps tag, or hide and seek. Something immature that reminded them of their younger years. Everyone focussed their attention on a boy named Simon. He had been known to come up with the best games, the best ways to spend an otherwise mudane lunchtime. And so it was to him, they had agreed, that the honour of choosing the last game was to be given. He cleared his throat, concious of everyone's eyes watching him.

"Cops 'N' Robbers," he said firmly.

It was a simple game. A person was named the cop, and the others were all robbers. They had a small amount of time to hide, and then the cop would come searching for you. Once found, you could run, but if the cop 'arrested' you, in other words tagged, you were sent to jail, and were out of the game.

"What kind?" someone asked, "I mean, is jailbreak allowed? Is it robber reformation?"

A few people repeated the question. The last game was, they were determined, to be memorable. And the rules had to be arranged before anything else. If not, then fights and arguments erupted. Jailbreak was Luke's favourite. If a robber was imprisoned, the other robbers could break cover, high five them, and then the prisoner would be freed. This version also allowed the cop to implement tactics, rather than skill and luck into the game. Robber reformation meant that, once arrested, the robbers spent a few minutes in jail, and then became cops themselves. Simon thought for a moment.

"How 'bout both?" he said, "After all, it'll be fun having to jailbreak a robber before he becomes a cop."

Luke spoke up. Everyone fell silent. After all, he was the most popular of the group, and the leader.

"Cops and robbers, jailbreak reformation!" he announced, "So, c'mon, let's go play! I vote Simon as the cop!"

"Me too," Callum voted.

The majority voted Simon, and so, after selecting the jail, he closed his eyes, and the robbers ran. Luke and Callum chose safety in the numbers, hiding in a crowd of year fives with Matt, Harry and Charlie. The year fives laughed, enjoying seeing them crouch to attain their height. Naturally, the year six's grew very irritated indeed.

"Can you imagine this if it was real?" Matt said, "What if we were really the robbers? For one thing, we'd be rich, and this must be so thrilling, hiding from the cops."

"I suppose," muttered Luke, "Aww, Sophie's been caught. She's well good at being a cop. Maybe we should jailbreak her?"

"I'll go," Callum offered, "Simon's over there."

He was about to run towards the Oak, the chosen jail, when Harry grabbed his arm, hissing for him to wait. Charlie echoed this command. They were watching Simon carefully.

"We should distract Si, so Sophie can get a decent hiding spot. If he knows she's been freed, then he'll go looking for her again. You only have three jailbreaks. And she's one life down," Charlie explained.

Luke nodded. Around them, the year fives shifted, and they were forced to move, closer, it appeared, to Simon. The Oak was now surrounded by several year sixes, all imprisoned robbers.

"Right," Matt said, "If Charlie and Hazza distract Si, then me, Luke and Callum can go for a jailbreak. There's loads of us at the Oak."

"Sounds good enough to me," Harry commented.

They abandoned the safety of the year five crowd, and moved to their tasks. Their eyes locked onto Simon, Charlie and Harry walked into the open, positioning themselves behind him. They ducked down behind a low wall. Cupping his hands around his mouth to disort the direction of the sound, Harry yelled;

"Oi, Simon!"

Instantly, Simon whipped round, and Charlie and Harry stiffened, looking down at the ground. Simon walked towards them, and thankfully, at that precise moment, a few year threes ran in front of him. Growling in frustration, he pushed through them. But Charlie and Harry had long since ran down the yard, and had hidden in the walled garden area, behind the gazebo.

"You think he saw us?" Charlie whispered.

"No, we were way too quick, and those year threes got in his way."

Charlie chuckled.

"Trust the younger years, eh?"

At the Oak, Luke discovered two girls and a boy were now cops. He alerted Matt and Callum, and they decided it was best to quickly free all the robbers and hide as a group. As they did this, they lost sight of Simon, possibly due to Charlie and Harry's distraction. Luke high-fived Sophie and she stepped away from the Oak, smiling.

"I can't believe he got me," she said, "I took off my jumper 'cause I knew Simon saw me wearing it earlier, and I put up my hair, and he still got me!"

"Ah, well. You're one life down, two lives left. Make them worth it, yeah?"

"This is ridiculous," Sophie laughed, "It's like we're treating this as one of our year wars! Can you remember year four? Us against year five? It's like that all over again."

"I know, right?"

They walked away together, the group following them.

"Not so obvious," cried Matt, "Go in pairs, not as a group!"

They hid for a while, and neither Simon or the other cops caught them. As soon as the teachers announced the end of lunch, they leapt up, cheering. Simon spun round, and his face twisted with embaressment.

"Damn," he muttered.

"The robbers win!" shouted Luke, his eyes blazing with joy.

Simon blushed, furious that he failed the final game. They walked back into school, the robbers laughing, joking, and he walked in silence. And it was then he vowed that if he ever played anything again, the old cop, the one once proclaimed the greatest in the school, would win.

**

Simon strolled into the interview, his jaw set. Sitting on the other side of the table, was his old friend, Luke. He was tipping on his chair, feet propped up on the table.

"Get down," he snapped, "And where's your lawyer?"

Luke shrugged, then allowed his chair to fall down onto its four legs. Just like school, thought Simon wryly.

"I heard he was coming," replied Luke finally, "But you're welcome to start, Si."

"Listen up, buddy," snarled Simon, "You've been warned once. You've been imprisoned once. That's two lives down, and you had one life left. Now, look at you. You've blown even that."

"It was our game, wasn't it, Simon?" Luke smiled.

"What?" he asked coldly.

"Why, Cops and Robbers, of course!"

Comments & reviews · 3
dragonfphoenix wrote a review Review · Nov 15, 2013

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical:

"A simple, children's game."

The comma should go. It breaks up the flow and is grammatically incorrect.

"waiting for the police detective to arrive"

"police" is an extraneous word here. Detectives are typically associated with police, unless it's a private investigator, at which point you'd say that the detective is a P.I.

"Feeling perhaps a little kindly"

"kindly" is an adverb and doesn't fit there. (I just had an interesting conversation a few days ago with a fellow student about this very aspect of grammar. Literally, what you're saying is that the teacher is feeling the students "kindly.") You need an adjective, such as generous, liberal, magnanimous, or indulgent. I like indulgent. It feels right.

"It had been decided that, for old time's sake, to play one last game."

With this sentence, the "that" starts a dependent clause that's never finished. The infinitive phrase doesn't belong and makes the sentence feel fragmented. P.E.T. (plain English translation): after the "that" you should tell us who decided what, i.e. "that, for old time's sake, they should play one last game." It completes the sentence and finishes the thought off nicely.

"It had been decided that,...everyone's eyes watching him."

From that first section in the quote to the end of the paragraph, almost all of the verbs are passive voice (except for focused, which is misspelled, and cleared, when you go back to active voice). That means nothing's really being done here; everything happening to the people in it. They're not making a decision, a decision was made by them (the decision happened to them). They didn't agree, the agreement came upon them. Do you see what I mean? Try making more things happen, and perhaps show some of these things happening, instead of summarizing.
On that note, with regards to Simon,
"He had been known to come up with the best games"[/quote
This is a tell sentence. If you showed their discussion, you could show Simon coming up with some really good ideas and then the other kids agreeing with him. But be careful not to "tell" with their dialogue (such as, "Hey guys, remember the time when Simon came up with all those really cool game ideas?" "Yeah, he's always been really good at that...").

"The last game was, they were determined, to be memorable."

Here's an active voice way of saying the exact same thing while still developing the story:
"They wanted to make the last game memorable."

"Luke spoke up. Everyone fell silent. After all, he was the most popular of the group, and the leader."

Delete the "After all...leader" sentence. Readers can assume Luke has some form of leadership or authority by the way the group reacts to him (and the fact that we're given his name and he's focused on by the narrator). And a better way to make the reading flow would be to write the first two sentences as:
"Everyone fell silent as Luke spoke up."
This just gives the feel of all activity stopping to focus on this new character that's going to speak (and implies he has some real significance if all activity dies when he opens his mouth to speak).

"They abandoned the safety of the year five crowd, and moved to their tasks."

First, a word of warning about all the dialogue notation preceding this sentence. Don't replace "said" too many times. When you do, it becomes distracting and readers start focusing on it (when you don't use "said", that's when I start hunting for the first time you use it and lose my focus on what the story's actually saying).

The reading flow feels like there's portions missing. For example, when did the game start? How did they know? You never really made that clear. It was "Okay, we're going to hide...ope, we've lost one already."
And then when you transition to when they're older, it felt...stiff.
"Sitting on the other side of the table, was his old friend, Luke."

The comma should go, and the phrase "his old friend" feels unnecessary.
Also, in real life, the police wouldn't let Simon be involved in the case (or whatever you're calling it) because of his personal history with Luke (although they might consult him over Luke's disposition, habits, etc.). But then the whole conflict between the two just feels out of place, almost like that one final game of Cops 'n Robbers made Simon so bitter he's determined to see Luke go down no matter what it takes, and I don't think that's what you're going for. So I'd suggest maybe rewriting that a little more.

Hope this helps!

User avatar
rikkidas
Review
rikkidas wrote a review Review · Nov 15, 2013

hello there,here for a review.

This piece is strongly recommended for small children but enjoyable by grown ups too as grown ups are kids from inside..ha.ha......
Seriously, reminded me of my school days ,it is a version of hide and seek , which i atleast enjoyed the most like anything. No such fun once you grow up. .. ha.ha.....
But someone suggesting the game, arguing over modification in rules, segments like jailbreak and robber reformation.
sounds lot of fun though , is there something else as well, why is this termed chapter1, i am assuming you also want to be a novelist for hobby like me.

Anyways amusing and keep on continuing the story, indeed it is light hearted and a great start.

All the best, mate.

User avatar
FireFox
Review
FireFox wrote a review Review · Nov 15, 2013

NightWolf, this is an absolutely amusing piece! I loved it! Please write more!! If not for you, then for me! Haha! To be quite honest, I couldn't nitpick anything that I felt was "wrong" or needed improvement. I'm sure I could find something to nitpick if I really tried, but I don't see a need. I absolutely love the concept of "Cops 'N' Robbers" and the fact that they played it as children and then ended up in the same situation as adults, only this time the situation was real. I love Luke's know-it-all, bad boy attitude, and Simon's, too. And I thought it was very clever on your part to include a little bit of dialogue in the beginning, when they were playing the game as children, when Luke was telling his friend how cool it would be to play Cops 'N' Robbers in real life. That was a great indication on what would happen, but you didn't flat out give it away either. Your dialogue was, to me, flawless, as was your description. Please, please write more! If you have any questions, feel free to message me!

-FireFox



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