"I was constrained
Uncomfortable in my own skin
You were the kind to glorify sin
You ran in brilliant shades of confidence"
Already, I am captivated by your command of words. Brilliant shades of confidence--this is a very strong image! Excellent!
"I was in delusion
in what my body had become
You were certain
of every muscle in your body that throbbed
and every callus on your working hand"
"My body", "your body" are a little repetitive. But what you are getting across is clear. The repetition is just distracting from the power of the prose.
"I was in retreat
from those in a material phase
where looks were beauty
and those who had brains were dead meat
and I could not imagine why
you would want to merge both worlds"
"Dead meat" is a cliche. Try using something else, like "doomed" or "damned" or "held in disregard". I don't know. Maybe not. Too many d's.
"Until I found out your game
as you traced the crook of my arm
and asked me to come
to present the one gift
you were after"
This is brilliantly written. I feel the sensation on my arm, I start wondering what this gift is. "Found out" is a little weak, but in context I think it works fine. No need to be elaborate when the rest of the poem is so clear cut and well-written.
"And I refused, I refused, I refused
I refused to be used
but the devil's smile
is hard to resist
and the lure of it all
is the utmost bliss"
Again, brilliant, and I love how clever this phrase is: "The devil's smile is hard to resist". It sounds like your speaker gave in, but you didn't TELL us. You are SHOWING us, giving us insight. Wonderful.
"You pursued, you pursued, you pursued
because I was the only one who wouldn't fall for your trap
I wouldn't play your game
I wouldn't stoop that low
I wouldn't be your prize"
Really, this is quite splendid. Here is where repetition is an effective tool, because it is intentional and properly used. The speaker's perception is that of not wanting to be dirty, or that is what I am getting from it. I don't want to go too in detail with this, as I don't want to disappoint you if what I imagine is not what you intended. 
"But you were used to winning
even though your football team always lost
and you thought in terms of tactics
on how to gain and get what you want"
Fantastic characterisation. Indirect. I love it.
"You were wise enough to fool me
although your grades were average
with your blue eyes
and the gold cross around your neck
and the sweet words you whispered in my ear
and the scent you overwhelmed me with
until you were close enough
and I didn't have a reason to pull away"
Wise enough to fool. That is a beautiful oxymoron, an irony. I am impressed. And how you make it sound as if she is currently being over-taken by him, through mentioning his eyes, the cross on his neck (as if she is staring at them), how he is whispering into her ear, inching closer, and then he is in the act.
"All I have now are my losses
and regret in the number
of the blonde hairs on your arm
Because I knew what you were after"
As much regret as there is hair on his arm. That is a wonderful analogy. You are truly masterful.
"Everyone knows the sound of a wolf's howl
the moon falls enchanted
and falls into silver water
and expecting you to come back
is childish
for the prize has been unwrapped
and I've been left to dry."
I like it. The one thing that glares out at me is this: "the moon falls enchanted
and falls into silver water" It is repetitive again. Instead of using falls, try using a different verb, as the meaning of this phrase is unclear and fuzzy.
All in all, this is an incredibly written, profound piece of literature, and I enjoyed reading it.
Points: 536
Reviews: 9
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