Very good i liked the way you never told us who she was only describing her significant fetchers leaving it open to the imagination.
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The woman set her sniper rifle onto the window sill. She was on the 16th floor of her 20 story high office building.
The 16th floor. Not too high to take ages coming down, not too low to be unable to see your target. The target.
It was early. 6:00AM. Long before anyone would come into the office, interfering.
Crouching behind her rifle, the woman grimaced as her clothes strained. A business suit wasn't the ideal outfit to kill in.
She looked through the rifle. Through the Duplex cross hair, the glass, the iron sights and onto the street. It wasn't too busy.
It would be in a minute or two.
Taking her eye away slightly, she saw her own blue eye staring back through mascara coated lashes. They looked scared. She blinked the emotion away and looked out the window.
Trying to find a man in a black suit, her eyes darted up and down the street, across the roads and back. He wasn't in sight. Her heart leapt. A man. In a black suit. He was crossing the road. He was the target.
Her heart fell.
He had blonde hair. The target's was black. She relaxed her posture into almost a disappointed slump and clicked her shoe's heel against the wooden floor impatiently. Heart pounding in anticipation of pulling the trigger and seeing his fleshy face whip back.
There.
Sitting on a bench, eating a sandwich.
She cocked her gun and a small smile flitted across her lips as she heard the steel core bullet slide into place. Perfect.
Looking through the scope, she lined up the sights with his head. He had an ugly face, she concluded. Nose too large and hooked, plump lips which looked like two sausages pressed together. Eyebrows black and bushy. Aiming her sights between his piggy eyes, she took a breath and her finger slid over the trigger delicately.
The woman wondered if he knew he was seconds away from death, if he knew he had a sniper aimed at his head. A twitch of her finger and he'd be dead. She decided she didn't care what he thought, as long as he didn't think at all.
Exhaling steadily, she squeezing the trigger slowly.
At 6:04AM the bullet shot from the barrel.
The rifle jerked back against her shoulder and she saw his head snap back. Fierce pleasure coursed through her as a splash of blood hit the wall behind him.
Wasting no more time, she ejected the magazine and slipped it into her work bag, easing the rifle into the sports bag she carried. Zipping it up, she grabbed the bullet’s shell, scrubbed the window sill with a cloth and walked briskly to the lift. Peeling off the gloves as she went.
The elevator door slid shut and the ground floor numbers began their decent. When the number told her she was at floor 9, she slung both bags over her shoulders and tucked a stray brown hair behind her ear. Gently touching her hair, which was in a bun, she tried for a casual smile and at 6:06AM the doors opened.
Departing through the fire exit, her heels clacked against the rickety metal stairs one hand delicately held the banister, the other holding her bags in place. Once reaching the bottom of the stairs, the woman walked over to her black Audi TT which was neatly parked in the back alley. Popping the boot, she carefully slid her bags inside with the care a mother would put a young child into a cot.
Her heels clicking on the road, and she opened the door and climbed in. Slamming the door shut, she revved the engine and accelerated. Sirens echoed across the street and the woman felt grateful for this back alley.
She was glad no one could see her.
She was glad she was alive.
She was glad she was about to get away.
But most of all, she was glad that he was dead.
At 6:09AM the woman drove in the opposite direction. A satisfied smile on her lips.
Very good i liked the way you never told us who she was only describing her significant fetchers leaving it open to the imagination.
Hi!
I would like to tell you that i think you are an amazing writer. Your sentences flowed very well and at no point did i feel i was dragging myself to finish it. The details were wonderful and i could picture the woman clear in my head. As to what the reviewer below me said in reference to "The Sniper" by Liam O'Flaherty when i first read the title i thought thats what it was going to be like, but your story is origional. The only likeness is the title and the fact that someone is shooting someone with a sniper, but thats not a big deal at all. I would love to read more of your writing in the future.
Bye
I really liked this story. There were just a few things I didn't like.
The first was the similarity to "The Sniper" by Liam O'Flaherty. It's an extremely popular sort, and part of me thinks that this is almost to similar to that story for my liking. You should read it, it's really good.
The second is detail. I love that you left out the names. This usually peeves me off but I thought it was perfect in this short story because you described both characters PERFECTLY. So kudos to you for that. The detail I wish you included was why the woman is shooting this man. Why is she glad he is dead? Also, when you talked about her wearing a business suit and being in an office, I assumed that the woman worked there. Judging by how she sped off in her car, I know this is wrong.
I really admire how you made the woman "clean up after herself" with the gloves and the wiping of the window. This was very clever of you, especially when you mention her hair was pulled up into a bun.
All in all, I liked this. The few things I didn't like were just because of my personal preference, nothing you actually did wrong. So Great Job, and keep writing.
Hullo Converse, I.S here for a review today.
Wow, this is truly one heck of a short. its got everything a short needs, and a few things to make it even better. You were able to effectively make this short, and sweet! The one line paragraphs really contribute to the effect, because it means to the reader doesn't get tired of reading a bunch of three liners, and there's enough of them that the reader has to keep going after each line to see what happens. At first, it almost seems to be a dream-like quality, but then the obvious waking consciousness shows.
The sniper isn't just a run of the mill cold hearted murderer, she is a person, she does feel fear- now whether that's fear of being caught, or fear of missing her shot, is a different story. She also has the control to realize how that fear might affect her mission, so she "blinks" it away, like it;s an annoying tear. Rather than being in a panic when she goes down the building to escape, she does the whole thing calmly, giving the impression that she has either done this before, or has very little to lose should she be caught. All in all, i see this as being somewhat of a revenge story, as though she is either working her way up to a position where she can get revenge, or she has just gotten it by killing that man.
Hey there Converse,
Dreamy here to review. So to start of with, I really liked the way you narrated the story. It was like a screen play to some action movie. The every detail you gave in the scene made it more lively. Let me point out the mistake that I found,
Exhaling steadily, she squeezing the trigger slowly.
At 6:04AM the bullet shot from the barrel.
Hi, Cheetah here to review for you this wonderful day!
Interesting, I normally like stories that have dialogue because it helps me draw a better picture, but you used no dialogue at all here and I could still tell exactly what was going on. You're descriptive and to the point. I love that- good job!
The one thing I saw was in the second paragraph.
The 16th floor. Not too high to take ages coming down, not too low to be unable to see your target. The target.
Points: 1326
Reviews: 13
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