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Chapter one of complications- Illogical Desicions

by mongoose


Spock(19 Years old)

Spock was stood in his hallway, the freshly polished marble floor shone in front of him. Despite his strict Vulcan upbringing and his Father's somewhat stoic mannerisms, he had to admit his Parents tastes in decor were rather excentric. As Its slightly mirrored surface highlighted the many coloured drapes and tapestries, that hung from floor to ceiling in a manner his Mother described as 'elegance'. Spock noted the many drapes and tapestries, that his Mother and Father had amassed over the years of interstellar travel, due to his Fathers duties as Ambassador to Earth. The cultural images that were woven into the fabric reminded Spock, of the many Planets and Countries that he had visited throughout his childhood. It was these memories that solidified his choice further; it was the choice that would change his life. The pathway, into the stars.

His Father's office was just a few steps away from him. All he had to do was take these few steps upon the mirror shined marble floor, his approach would not be as silent as he wished. His heels clicked against the hard surface as he strode towards the large oak door; one imported from Earth. A simple reminder to Spock of his heritage. He knocked on the heavy door waiting for T'Fol, his Father's aide to open the mammoth door before him. She did so, he nodded politely to her before stepping inside his Fathers spacious office. Once in the room that he was all too familiar with, he addressed himself. "Father I wish to speak of my future career opportunities with you" Spock stated in clear un-emotional fact. Pacing with both his hands clasped behind his back.

"Proceed"

His father replied in an equally un-emotional tone. Not bothering to look at his son, the stoic Vulcan simply stayed, staring out into the captivating landscape before him. Watching how the wind's whistling dictated how the orange sands of the Vulcan desert danced. He could hear his Son's pacing, a trait Spock had adopted from youth, mirroring his Father's actions. Sarek allowed himself the smallest of quirks of his lips, before concealing his emotion.

Spock cleared his throat, he had prepared himself for this very discussion. It would either induce great pride from his father, or great shame. But, he understood that the matter must be addressed and the outcomes were only a product of his own choice, the right choice... He knew that his father wished or him to en-roll into the V-tosh Science Academy. On Vulcan within the city of Shi'kahr, however Spock found his Mothers Terran based job, a much more satisfactory career choice. Starfleet is what Spock wanted, but he knew deep down that this choice would be seen as illogical…

"I have considered another option alongside the V-tosh Science Academy" He stated coolly.

His Father turned abruptly from the glassed wall that he was facing. Sarek looked at his son sharply, his eyes had widened by a measure of point-five of a millimetre, his ears were green tipped and his eyebrow quirked upwards ever so slightly, at the incredulous statement that his son had produced. Spock watched as his Father's masterful skill of control as his features smoothed. Sarek quickly regained his Vulcan dignity by hiding his emotions. His face returned to its usual expressionless serenity;

"You have? Why? It is illogical to do such an act as you exceed the qualities required for the V-tosh Science Academy. There is no need to en-roll anywhere else." Sarek almost snapped his words. The ever in control Vulcan was expressing emotion, through the telepathic bond to his only son like never before. His pacing increased, moving away from the equilibrium of the desert, and towards the desk at which his son was nearing. Nearing the quarrel, and quite possibly; Sarek's second loss. Sarek only claimed one son, his first being more of an outsider than physically possible, he had disinherited Sybok for his stupendous ways. He had believed Spock to be different, unfortunately, Sarek was losing faith in his own thoughts.

Spock could feel his father's hidden anger writhing through the familial bond, so much so it was battering against his own will to stay calm. He stopped pacing and inhaled a deep breath. placing his hands upon his father's overlarge desk.

"I have considered Starfleet, although it is illogical. I find it to be a most satisfactory career path." Spock looked at his father. He met his gaze. His father's eyes were full of disappointment, a huge emotional response from a Vulcan. Especially from a Vulcan of the high clan's. His father's response was considered to be highly expressive and emotional. His Father rose from his seat, his shadow stretching out behind him.

"Although it is illogical?"

Sarek snapped this time, almost pacing the length of the room. "Have you not listened to anything I have taught you? Nothing?" pausing, his clicking heels against the floor stopped for a second, Sarek calmed slightly. His disappointment growing through the bond but retreating from his face, "Logic is what dictates us Spock, Logic offers us the serenity that keeps us from our irrational emotions, without it we are reckless, without reason, almost Human." His Father's eyes burned into Spock's.

Spock shook with rage, unable to control his unbridled anger towards his Father's lack of respect. "How dare you speak of Humans in such distaste!" raising his voice despite his close proximity to his father. He took great offence to the word 'Human' been used in such a manner, especially when his Father used it, as his Father's wife was Human, Spock's Mother was Human. He stepped towards his father, his robes billowed out behind him as he stood before his father's stature.

His father tilted his head slightly, his face gave nothing of away of what he was feeling,"Spock you should take no offence where none is given," his father replied quoting the teachings of Surak in a voice so serene it would not have disturbed even a Sehlat's sleep, "and with this outburst you will be well suited to the Terran based 'Starfleet', your emotions can run free." Sarek snapped harshly. Sarek eyed his son viciosly, He could not believe his sons actions. So irrational, so illogical; so human. "I thought I had raised you our way, the Vulcan way; I was clearly mistaken."

Hurt. Spock looked at his 'Ovensu sa-mekh(honoured father)' and spoke in a much more reserved voice "I will leave for Terra In two standard hours, you shall find my decline to the V-tosh Science Academy on the counter" Spock's tone was completely calm with no hint of his anger towards his father. Despite the amounts of it that was bubbling within his mind.

He raised his hand in the Vulcan salute the Ta'al and spoke again" Live long and prosper… sa-mekh." Almost spitting the word, he paused to allow them to sink in. Spock turned his back on his Father, not even waiting for a reply. He motioned a swift flick with his hands and T'Fol opened the doors once more, his heels clicked against the shined marble as he stomped out of the room, leaving his Father and his respect for the stubborn Vulcan behind him.

As Spock strode away he could feel his father's disappointment, anger and upset through their shared bond. Ignoring his father's emotions he went to his room to finish packing his belongings for Earth, when his Mother came in. He looked up and met her gaze, unlike his father his Mother was human. She did not hide her emotions behind her face, he knew his Mother all too well, she had been crying previously and her eyes still remained full of sorrow, this upset him further and his feelings towards his 'Ovensu Sa-mekh' became even more un-pleasant.

"Oh Spock"

she said her voice full of worry and sorrow "come here" she said gesturing him to move closer. Her softened human expression was full of caring and love, as she stood leaning against his door frame. A human habit of hers, leaning; Spock never understood how she could not stand without the aid of a wall. He never questioned it however.

Reluctantly Spock moved towards his Mother expecting to be scolded for him speaking badly to his Father. When she hugged him, he stiffened with shock to then fall into his Mother's caring embrace. She stepped back but keeping her hands upon his shoulders she sighed and straightened out his now rumpled robes.

"Mother, what is your opinion on the matter?" Spock queried knowing that his mother knew of his choice and his dispute with his father.

Her face softened, tracing his ear tip with her fingers lightly, just as she did when he had been a young boy. "Spock." she said interrupting his thoughts, "Whatever you be, whatever you become, you shall always, have a proud Mother" At her loving words Spock sent his love and his gratitude towards her through their bond, still his face remained blank.

...

Hours later he left his home, duffel bag on his shoulder, and suitcase at his side, his Mother stood at the doorway, tears streamed down her face, he turned to her.

"I shall call you when I reach Terra Mother; I estimate the journey will take two days and fifty-nine minutes." Spock said as he departed, his mother sent him her love.

He refused to meet his father's gaze. The Vulcan was staring blankly from the balcony above; Spock knew he would only receive shame from his 'logical' Father.

He got in the shuttle and exhaled deeply. The deep orange of the deserts disappeared as the shuttle rocked and shook from turbulence, leaving the atmosphere behind him. Leaving Vulcan, his home.

Nyota

She woke early that morning, 5:00AM to be precise, with the bright streak of sunlight blaring on her face through the Venetian blind "Urgh" with a grunt she pushed her tired aching body into a sitting position, swung her legs off of the side of her bed. In her pyjamas on the edge of her bed Nyota Uhura was preparing herself, for the journey ahead and what the future would hold. After 5minutes Nyota rose from her bed and wandered into her en-suite to freshen up, after showering and brushing her teeth she looked in the mirror to see what was her hair or more like the tangled ball of frizz and mess of hair. "Great, just great" she exclaimed before tackling the frizzy ball. For fifteen minutes she tackled the strangling mess before giving up and simply tying it up into a high ponytail.

"Nyota! Come on you'll miss the shuttle!" her father shouted from the hallway below. With a dash she pulled on a subtle pale blue dress, slung her duffle bag over her shoulder and hauled her suitcase. She descended to the hallway when she was tackled by her Mother,

Bringing Nyota into a strangling hug, placing her hands upon her daughters cheeks. "Oh dear, do you have to go? You know, the Diplomatic corps' nearby would hire you straight away" her mother stated more than asked. But. Nyota had made her choice .Deciding upon a career that followed in her father's footsteps, not her Mothers diplomatic ones.

Starfleet was exciting! Saving the Galaxy, keeping Intergalactic peace. Travelling to the far reaches of space and definitely no boring diplomatic functions, full of fake smiles and stuck up diplomats. Her father supported her choice to en-list in Starfleet. He said it was a career well suited to his 'little stars' temperament. Whereas her Mother was scared for her life, wishing that her daughter would become a diplomat, not a Starfleet officer aboard a ship loaded and armed with Phaser banks. Just waiting for a battle in the middle of space. Despite her Mothers concern Nyota had chosen Starfleet.

"Right I need to go I'll miss the shuttle." She announced as she attempted to escape her Mother's tight, constricting hug,

"No you don't come here!"

her Mother said through tear stuck eyes squeezing Nyota even tighter "You be safe!" kissing Nyota's cheek until finally standing back allowing Nyota space to breathe.

"I will Mother and stop worrying so much! I won't touch a Starship for four years at least" she said reassuringly.

Her father snorted "Ny if I now you you'll pass your classes within 3 years! You'll breeze your classes Ny!" Grabbing his little star bear hugging her.

"Oh you don't half exaggerate, anyway I've got to go. I'll be late!" she exclaimed. "I'll miss you both so much." She then hugged her worried parents.

"Well good bye dear make sure to ring us when you reached San Francisco!" her Mother shouted in a worried tone. Her daughter, now a grown woman stepped back and hauled her stuff out,leaving the home.

Nyota left her childhood home in Nairobi behind her. Heading to the Spaceport, preparing to fly all the way to San Francisco America, where Starfleet Academy is based. Where her dreams of becoming a Starfleet officer would begin.

Updated:(04/01/14)


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74 Reviews


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Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:11 pm
Omi1 wrote a review...



I know very little about Star Trek, but I have to say that was splendidly written, I would love to read more from this story and I think the tension between father and son was well developed. Your characters remained true to their form and well rounded.

I was, however, bothered by the repetitive use the words "logical" and "illogical". They served their purpose and were needed, but maybe not so much. I felt like a child having to be constantly reminded that Spock was making a big choice and that it was hard for them. This wasn't needed because you did such a good job in every other category.

Other than that, good work! :)




mongoose says...


Thankyou, and illk have to go throughb thus and edit it the best i can, thanks for reviewing:)



Omi1 says...


No problem. :)



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Mon Nov 11, 2013 7:08 pm
EloquentDragon wrote a review...



ED here to review. I have not seen/read any form of Star Trek whatsoever, so I am rather worthless when it comes to that. However, I can comment on story, structure, grammar, etc. So be forewarned.

Now on to the nitty-gritty of things:

Spoiler! :
he simply stayed facing the landscape in front of the stoic Vulcan, the dunes of Vulcan's sands laid out before him, wind whistled and the sands danced almost.


Two sentences here: "He simply stayed facing the landscape. In front of the..." not one.

Sarek looked at him sharply, his eyes had widened slightly, his eyes green tipped.


I have never seen Star Trek, so I don't know if this is right. But shouldn't this be "T'fol" (his father) not "Sarek?" Unless of course, you were originally referring to him by surname or something. Also, the eye thing is redundantly placed in the same sentence. I think you meant his eyes glowed or flashed green or something there? I don't know...

The ever in control Vulcan was expressing emotion through his bond like never before.


Do hyphenate that. "The ever-in-control Vulcan," also, again I'm not a trekkie, but what is the "bond" thing doing in there? If you mean "familial bond," then you have successfully used that later. Don't put it here. It makes no sense.

“Although it is illogical?” Sarek snapped this time almost shouting.


Beware of repetition. He already "snapped," just have him "shout this time" instead.

disappointment growing through the bond but retreating from his face,


Again the bond thing. (Bond, Spock Bond. Wait a minute...) I get the feeling that you keep meaning to say "mask" or "facade" or something equally concealing of true emotion. A bond does not do that. If it is from the trek universe, you need to capitalize it so we know it's a proper noun. "Bond," not "bond."

hours later he left his home, duffel bag on his shoulder, and suitcase at his side, his Mother stood t the doorway,


What? Are they on earth? Why is Spock carrying a suitcase?


Is this the end of the story? Will there be more parts? It seemed a litte, I don't know, sudden.

Two things: First of all, work on that dialogue. A lot of it is heavy and hard to read through. Read through what you wrote out loud, then go back and try to revise it so that it sounds more natural. (Well, they might be Vulcan, but they should still be easy to understand!)

The second thing that really bugged me was the pacing. Personally, I thought that this flowed way too fast. You need to slow dow. Describe the setting, describe the emotions, internalize Spock's thoughts, add action in between their conversation. Etc. etc. Make this happen in "real time," in other words, show, don't tell.

The only other thing I can say is to follow Birkhoff's advice. This is very dry. There is little characterization, and it's well, as Spock as Spock can be. I haven't even seen the series, and yet, somehow, I've seen this before. Search for perspective and originality.Tell your story, not ST's story. Breathe life into this. Look for an unusual aspect, something we won't expect. Something we haven't seen before.

Other than that, all I can say is, keep writing!
~ED




mongoose says...


Thabkyou for your comments ill take them into consideration, and its supposed to be like an intro to spocks relationship with his father .



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Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:05 am
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birk wrote a review...



Hey Moongoose!

Alright, Star Trek fanfiction. This is new territory to me.

I was never much of a fan of Star Trek, I always thought it was campy. That is, until the 09 reboot and subsequent sequels. Maybe I'm considered a newborn trekkie in that aspect.

That said, I obviously don't know too much Star Trek, but I certainly got a good overview.
So lets review:

Okay, I'm going to be frank here. When I think of the archetypical fanfiction, this is what I think of. A short piece filled with grammatical errors, unoriginal writing and an unneeded story.

I realize you tried to emphasise the emotional (or lack thereof) backstory of Spock and his origins. And thats good. If you had an original character similar to Spock, it would be very interesting to explore his beginnings. But this is Spock, we already know him.

I was pretty sure his origin and issues with his father were dealed with on both the show and films, and a quick search confirms it. When writing fanfiction, exploring new territories and aspects of characters is key. And this is Star Trek! It would be so easy to write some awesome, creative and interesting scenarios with these guys.

I'll go with a quote here:

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
There is so much potential for stories here. The crew and characters is already established. They're among the most recognized characters in media and literature.

You are obviously a dedicated Trekkie, so it would be cool to see another story from you where they go on quite the adventure. Alright, enough story rants, lets check out the writing.

As I said, you got some issues with grammar, so I'll highlight some examples to work on:

Spock(19years old)

Don't give information in brackets. Tell us in the story.

edit
Spock was stood in his hallway, his father's office was just ahead of him, a few steps away from him.


edit
clear unemotional fact.


of the stoic Vulcan, the dunes of Vulcan's sands laid out before him, wind whistled and the sands danced almost.
Very clumsy line.

edit
He knew that his father wished for him to enroll into the V-tosh Science Academy,

This entire paragraph also runs of too long. There are too many commas and few periods.

“Although it is illogical?”

I know several iconic phrases have entered pop culture and stayed. But do they really mention the phrase 'illogical' that often? I saw it way too much in this short.

edit
pausing, his heels stopped clicking against the floor for a second,
This paragraph also had too many commas. A lot of your paragraphs do.

Spock shook with rage

This is before he leaves for Starfleet, right? Before he met Spock, who softened him up towards humans? I don't think he'd be this defensive about them at this point.

Ovensu Father(honoured father)

Again, no brackets.

edit
became even more unpleasant.


“Oh Spock” she said, her voice full of worry and sorrow “come here” she said, gesturing him to move closer.
This is the one place you are actually lacking commas.

edit
Hours later he left his home, duffle bag on his shoulder and suitcase at his side. His mother stood in the doorway with tears steaming down her face. He turned to her;


There are several other errors within the piece, but I'll stick to these examples.
I hope I'm not being harsh, I feel I should give my honest opinion in my reviews. And your writings does indeed need some work.

However, you do pretty good dialogue, thats a thing that stood out to me.

I hope I read your story correctly Moongoose, and I encourage you to write more. It's only going to get better.

May the force be with you
Birkhoff




mongoose says...


Thankyou for reviewing and i tend to throw commas wherever. it is my weakest point so im glad you picked that out. Im a trekkie fan through abd through, and thus is the iknow btorducti poo n t poo a full novek that u have on fanfiction.com however no one really reviews on there about grammar abd stuff so thats why u posted ut in here. And i focussed on spock because he is a very difficult character, hes fun to write because he contradicts himself and thunk meticulously over everything. So i like to kind of dive into his head.
Liv a long and prosper, mongoose.



mongoose says...


Omg sorry the reply on that is terrible, i cant type on a touch screen*face Palm*




cron
It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong.
— Voltaire