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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Take a bow

by Piper


The taste of earl grey is so bitter now
But sometimes, bitter is such a comfort
So now I can taste, and I take a bow
For my senses coming back into port

I may be scared, but I am not alone
I'm fairly sure the world is still turning
But so are all the other planets known
And the company is so alluring

For the first time, those openings are closed
And strange as it sounds, it's quite a good thing
Living is better than being posed
And autumn is so much better than spring

I'd forgotten what it was like to breathe
Because it's just easy to lay in Lethe.

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374 Reviews

Points: 1147
Reviews: 374

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Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:14 am
tgirly wrote a review...



The concept behind the poem (as well as the poem itself) is really quite beautiful. I think 'lethe' should be capitalized, since it's the name of a river.
I'd suggest not capitalizing the first letter of every line, though that's definitely a miniscule thing.
The weakest stanza in this poem is the first one; it just doesn't live up to the awesome, melancholy air of the rest of the poem. It also doesn't have that great of rhythm so I'd consider editing it if I were you.
Other than that, you've got a solid poem here. Nice thoughts, good structure, great imagery, awesome mood.
Hope this review helped. Happy Almost-Anniversary of your YWS Membership! Keep writing!
-Tgirly




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193 Reviews

Points: 408
Reviews: 193

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Mon Oct 28, 2013 1:39 am
Niraco wrote a review...



Hey there! I am sorry if my review is lacking its mainly because review day is over and I feel kinda burned out but I'll try to give a good review nevertheless.

For starters I did like one line an awful lot in your poem and that was:

For my senses coming back into port
your word choice here was really nice and I find people tend to over look word choice.

I also thought that your ending lines:
I'd forgotten what it was like to breathe
Because it's just easy to lay in lethe.
I thought these lines were very powerful.

However, the poem as a whole I found, well, rather boring. There wasn't much emotion and other than the last lines there was no power behind the word. It was very well written however but for it just wasn't very enjoyable to read. But that's just me. Good job, and happy writing!





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