Young Writers Society

Hello TKLKOMOMID,

RavenLords here for a review Stupendous review!

A few things I think could be improved:

I thought that the lyrics were very smooth, clean. Throughout most the song there was good rhyming, but there is a few spots you could improve on.

The form is going to have to be your downside. If you look at your song the 1st verse is 3x longer that the other verses. I think the chorus is a good size, for there is only two. I think the ending should be more like a verse then have another slightly smaller chorus.

But I think over all it is a very good song, and It has some real potential!

Nice Song,
RavenLords

The Messenger Knight here to review for you, as promised.

So if I see anything I think could be fixed I will list it below. First off:

"Why does it matter what I do so much?"

of happiness left inside of them still.

but we werecaught up in our bliss,

Hi, Dream here with review on your lyric. First of all, Happy Review Day!

I'm not sure if I can give the best review on this lyric, but I'll try what I can afford. Writing lyrics seem simple, but must be arranged with the verses / expression that affect readers. In your lyric, I can feel the variations in each verses. Some have an impact, but some are quite puzzling. At the beginning of the song lyric, I think you're writing about a broken heart, about your lover. Then in the second verse, I'm confused on these lines;

Goodbye to my only brother,
I haven't found your mother,
and I know that it's all my fault.

and my terrible, broken heart.
'Cause you knew that you tore it apart.
And now, you've left scars.

Heya. Here to review your song.

I'll give you my overall impression first: This lyrics are fine, but they could be better. Like, there's too much telling and not a lot of showing- which works in some cases, I guess, but not here really.

Your title, Silently. You should try to incorporate that emotion into the over-all 'tone' of the poem. The words didn't really have an effect on me. They didn't make me feel anything. They were a bit.. bland. I have a few nitpicks:

"Why does it matter what I do so much?"

I do know that you're through.

Goodbye to my only brother,

I haven't found your mother,

and I know that it's all my fault.

And as we watched,

they all fell down,

onto the ground.

We didn't say anything,

just watched them silently.

Hi, I've read your song. I am The Raven, Squire of the Knights of the Green Room. I rarely listen to songs, much less read and review them, so I have little as a basis for comparison. This is, in fact, the first time I will be reviewing lyrics here, anywhere really, but I will have my best shot in this. My techniques and practice for reviewing lyrics will have to be drawn from how I review prose and poetry. My review will be divided between What is Good and What Needs Improvement/Suggestions. Now, let's get down to business, shall we?

What is Good:
1) I like how your lyrics is up for interpretation. There are many ways to do it, and nothing can be taken at face value. Well done! This will ensure that your song retains the attention of its listeners (at least for those who listen to songs for the lyrics), and that if done well and published, could have a good longevity. Most importantly, your song would have good literary potential. For example, what is the persona/narrator referring to? That one question alone could spark a good discussion.

2) I saw some use of rhyming, more so than what many poems written today have! And whenever your words rhyme, there is association and meaning. That's some good, intentional and meaning use of devices there. Well done!

What Needs Improvement/Suggestions:
1) My suggestion would be to press on the attack! Use more devices! It's the same advice I would give poets. Associate more words through devices such as rhyming, as well as alliteration, consonance, assonance (did I get this one right?) and what not. Might even sound beautiful, but I am neither songwriter nor singer, so I wouldn't know.

2) Are the headings necessary? If they are not, you should remove them as they disrupt the reading experience a little.

I'm afraid I cannot offer much in the way of assistance, feedback and such. But I hope I've done something in this review. Well done, and keep writing!