"Sheri!" Eli said running down the snowy sidewalk. She followed the trail of dripping blood to an alley way behind a cheap greasy restaurant named McGee's. The smell of burning fries and moldy garbage filled her nose, but she didn't mind throwing up when she remembered that scent later as long as she found Sheri as soon as possible.
And there she was. The black haired woman was standing in front of the burly man, who for some reason reminded Eli of a pirate. The eyepatch and yellow teeth certainly didn't help. Sheri held her pocket knife up to the man's carotid artery and backed him up the the wall. He let out a very uncharacteristic squeaking noise.
"Sheri! Stop it!" Eli yelled out. Sheri didn't move.
"I will tell you one more time." Sheri said, "Stay away from Watson or next time I won't be so merciful." Sheri pressed into his neck, just above any arteries and blood bubbled to the surface of his skin.
Sheri fought back the urge to slip her knife into his airway. She could hear the gasping sound he'd make and she could feel the warmth on her fingers. But she could also hear the sound of Watson screaming in horror, and the sound of her boots slipping on the ice as she tried to run from Sheri.
Sheri let her knife drop from his neck and instead settled for punching him in the gut so hard that he was left gasping for air as Sheri walked away. To Eli, her green eyes were filled with anger, but she didn't say anything. She just followed Sheri down the street, hesitating to leave the man there in the alley.
It was not an easy thing for Eli to watch, she swore she saw Sheri's knife quiver toward his wind pipe. She had never seen Sheri run so fast and be so angry. It brought back the memory that Sheri was still unstable. That if she was tipped over the edge she might kill someone.
Still she followed Sheri silently. The crunch of her rubber soled boots on the snow the only evidence that she was there. Well that and the blood dripping from Eli's nose. Sheri sighed.
"He really got you good." Sheri said.
"Well I wasn't expecting a mugger to punch me in the face just then." Eli defended, wiping blood from her nose and disposing of it on the snow of a bank window sill.
"He wasn't a mugger, he was an assassin. And not a good one at that." Eli's eyes widened.
"An assassin, coming after me?" Sheri's long navy coat swayed as she walked.
"Moriarty believes that you are the key to getting to me. I warned you about this when Knight first poisoned me." Eli thought back to the case with Dr. Sipps, which had started out with Sheri's supposed poisoning.
"That was the case with the cure to the common cold, right?"
"Supposed cure. What were you calling it on your blog, 'A Cold Case'?"
"What's wrong with that name?" Eli said, and Sheri finally looked back at Watson. Her brown hair was still in it's ponytail, despite the rigid cold. Her ears were red form the exposition. Her hands were shoved in the pockets of her black winter coat. The shoulders of her coat were highlighted with purple to match her purple and black boots. Of course what really brought attention to her was the blood dripping from her nose and the already purple bruise on her broken nose. Thank the lord Sheri had come out of the restaurant in time to save Eli from being murdered, or worse.
"Nothing's wrong with it. I thought it was much cleverer than the others."
"You 'disliked' that story." Eli pointed out.
"I just didn't like your whole sappy 'Sheri has feelings' bit." Eli smiled, despite it hurting her nose.
"You do have feelings." Eli said.
"No I don't." Sheri said walking backwards up the stairs to the subway stop. "I am a psychopath. That's how my mind is set up, Watson. Always has been that way. I almost killed that guy!"
"Because you were angry." Eli said calmly, sitting down on the waiting bench.
"Exactly, because I got angry I got unstable and I lost all sense of logic!" Sheri puffed a large breath out of her nose and it became a visible fog in front of her face.
"And why did you get angry?" Eli asked. Sheri's self-anger dissipated.
"Because he tried to hurt you." Sheri sighed and sat down next to Eli, her arms crossed over her chest for warmth.
"See you at least have feelings about me. However awkward that just sounded to both of us." Sheri smiled, and Eli tried to too, but the pressure on her nose brought a new shot of pain and her eyes teared up.
"Let me." Sheri grabbed the bridge of Eli's nose and shoved it upward. Eli screamed out in pain for a second, but then the pain subsided and her nose felt better.
"Thanks." she said, rubbing her nose.
"Don't mention it." Sheri said, wiping blood off in the snow of the bench.
***
The two girls walked into the police station after the bitter cold trek from the subway stop. They weren't on a case, Sheri just wanted to make sure they weren't giving away all the interesting murders.
Instantly Eli stopped shivering. The police station was always like a sauna in the winter. She unzipped her coat and shook the snow out of her hair.
"I'm here for Lestrade." Sheri said, passing Eli to talk to the receptionist. It was the same guy officer that was always there. He frowned when he saw Sheri.
"This wouldn't, by any miracle, be a confession to a murder or something." he said waving her through the door marked "Authorized Personal Only".
"Not this time, but maybe when I'm reincarnated I might have a murder that I actually committed to confess to." he rolled his eyes, and the girls walked down the hall to Lestrade's office.
It was a small, bland room with just a desk and a few filing cabinets. The only thing personal in the room was the officer himself and a few pictures of his family positioned toward him.
"Anything interesting?" Sheri said knocking on the door and walking in. Lestrade looked up from his laptop.
"Not since this morning, no- What happened to you?" he said as Eli walked in.
"I'd like to report an assault and murder attempt." Sheri said casually. She took her pocket knife out of her pocket and handed it to him in it's own evidence bag. "I got a DNA sample and I'm a witness."
"What happened?" he asked.
"We left Tim Horton's and Sheri went back inside to apologize to an elderly couple," Eli said. Lestrade looked at Sheri accusingly, but she ignored him. "I waited outside and this pirate looking guy walked up and punched me in the face. Sheri came out and protected me. When he ran off she followed him, and I ran after her and she punched him in the gut." Eli purposely left out the parts with the pocket knife, but Lestrade seemed to know that they happened.
"Well as long as you're both alright, and..." he was going to say, "And I don't have to arrest you for murder." but he stopped himself. Sheri was looking out the office window with a face that portrayed her vague guilt, and he didn't want her to feel more dangerous. "I have something for you girls."
Sheri looked back to the desk. Lestrade searched through his papers for an unsealed envelope with their names on it. He handed it to Eli and she opened it, pulling out an invitation. Sheri glanced over at it curiously.
"A Christmas party?" Eli asked after she finished reading it.
"Only if you want to, I know that's not really your thing Sheri, but it'd be nice if you could bring your violin." Sheri looked away, her mouth sloping like she felt sick.
"Sounds fun." Eli answered for her, "Who else is coming?"
"My family, Mark, a couple of me and my wife's friends that you don't know, Gregson, and my wife's family."
"Sounds like my kind of crowd." Sheri said sarcastically.
"Just keep an open mind, Sheri. Do you really want to spend another Christmas sulking in your room?" Sheri sighed. "Fine, if you want..." he leaned over to reach a drawer on his filing cabinet. "Here are some cases we have from this week. Nothing really interesting, but..." he motioned to it. Sheri walked over and flipped through the files.
"Any..." she began.
"No murders, blackmails, or significant break-ins, but I think there's a rape and some suicides in there." Sheri nodded in response, as she read the file names.
"Wait a second..." she said, pulling a few of the files out and flipping through the pages in them for the victim's names. "These are all suicides?" Lestrade nodded. "All of these have a connection."
"And that is...?" Lestrade prompted.
"They're all waitresses, waiters, and fry-cooks." she turned back to the filing cabinet and pulled out the other files. Lestrade and Eli looked at the first three files on the suicides, and Sheridan picked through the rest. She sorted them out by type of crime then narrowed it down to fifteen files. "These break-ins here." she pointed to a pile of five files, "All houses with street numbers ending in one's. And these missing persons," she pointed to another three. "All their initials are M.R. And these other files," she pointed to a pile of four miscellaneous crimes with no obvious connection from a distance, "All blonde women who work or volunteer at the hospital."
"So?" Lestrade asked looking at her put back a stack of extra files that didn't fit.
"When you take the victims first initials, and the M.R.'s ..." she pulled a pen out of her pocket and began to write, "You get this."
"MRRY CHRISTMAS HOMES?" Eli said aloud.
"Merry Christmas Holmes, if you add in the initials of this guy." she pointed to the bloody knife, "I knew that was too easy." she cursed under her breath.
"Wait." Eli interjected, "So all of this-" she motioned to the files on the table, "-is Moriarty trying to scare you?"
"I'm afraid that my connection to people has brought more than one misfortune today." Sheri said cryptically, "Right, we'll need to solve these cases as soon as possible. I'll take these cases," she snatched up a pile of seven files, "Lestrade you and your men take these five and find the assassin." she pushed a pile of files and the knife to him, "And Watson take this case." Eli frowned.
"Just the one case?" Eli asked grabbing the lonely folder.
"The least difficult one, Watson, you need to keep your head down." Eli shook her head disappointedly. "The sooner you finish and are back with someone who knows how to fight off an attack the better." Sheri clapped her hands, "Let's go people!" then she rushed out of the room with her eyes buried under papers.
"I'll send Mark with you." Lestrade said, picking up his phone.
"Really, you both don't think I can handle myself?" he stopped dialing the number and held the speaker an inch from his face.
"Eli, Sheri's right, these are dangerous people. The more protection the better-. Hello, Stevens?"
Eli sighed and rolled her eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey Willow,
It's just that sometimes the pauses are not where they are supposed to be and the sentence becomes too long because there are too many commas in there. The easiest way of getting rid of these problems is to read the piece out loud to yourself. If you pause, it either means you need a comma or a full stop in that place. If there's one comma already in the sentence and you pause for a second time, it's likely you need a full stop.

I've decided not to bug you about all the grammar things today. I am just going to mention one thing one more time, and that's sentence structure. I know you must be fed up with me commenting on this every review because well, I repeat a lot
I love how Sheri is gradually being pulled more and more into "emotional" let's say, relationships. I can see her changing from how I saw her at the beginning of the story, which is great because it shows character development. And you can see that Eli Watson has come a long way too, although she's still a pretty committed arsonist. I like how she feels like she's being treated like a baby, although she is in some tough circumstances. I wonder if she'll become more independent in future parts?
I like how Sheri saw the patterns in the case immediately, and it's just by chance that she stumbled upon them. I wonder what it shall all account to?
At the beginning you mention that Eli was punched in the face and has a broken nose. You do mention the pain here and it being "pushed back into place" by Sheri, but still. Doesn't it need some medical treatment so it can stay in place? I've never had a broken nose, but I do imagine it wouldn't just stop hurting once placed more comfortably. I think she would get sent (probably by Lestrade, because Sheri would just tell her to suck it up) to get it plastered down or whatever they do to broken noses. Small point but it adds to the realism.
Off to the next chapter. I'm determined to catch up before review day, and then read the new chapters posted during it
Deanie x
You didn't tell me! *Runs off to go cry in a corner*
I have to say, I like overprotective Sheri.
You meant "from" here, right?
Annnnnd she admits it. Finally!!!
Wow. Very few typos with this one. I would say that I'm impressed, but I'm not really. I know you are an excellent writer, so I expect it of you.
Sheri is amazing as always, and I love the development to her character. The only thing I hate about this is that it didn't really have that much mystery, expect right at the end.
Oh well, I can get my fix another day.
KT
Oh, I'm getting to the mystery... just you wait... *laughs evilly*
It is going to be, by far, the most cruel I can be and I'm a little nervous for this case, it's very gruesome. Not descriptionwise, but murder wise it is...yeah.