The sky is dark and the start of a blight
A land where there is a leash on magic
Fereldan needs a hero of light
Where every origin is tragic
A land where elves are slaves
The dwarves are born of stone
The darkspawn dwell in caves
Archdemon’s fire that burns to the bone
Witch of the wilds shows a love so bright
My tower where mages run from lies
The templars won’t go down without a fight
Leader of this land fights and dies
The Chantry can’t keep me in a cage
This is the start of the Dragon Age
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I haven't seen any poems on Dragon Age so I was very excited to see this as I just started playing the Origins and looking forward to the second one. Lets dive into the review!
I really liked this opening and was brought back to the start of my game. It was a rather violent part and I felt you captured it beautifully in this one line.
I also like your rhyming scheme. I was never very good at it and I always find it amazing when someone is able to have such a well presented rhyming scheme. Well done.
Another line I loved was
The reason I liked this so much was because at first I was fearful of the Witch of the wilds but grew to rather enjoy the characters.
All in all this poem had a soft spot within me. As a poem I really enjoyed it and felt that it was beautifully written. Good job and happy writing!
Thank you its awesome to meet more Dragon age fans and if you like this follow my tumblr archdemonofthedas
Hi Dark Raven, Dream here with review on your poem. First of all, Happy Review Day!
I actually love the fantasy poem that gives ample space to the poet to develop the imagination. Just like your poem that looks interesting with exciting diction, brought readers into the fantasy of a hero, magic and so on. The poet do not have to worry about the poem that makes no sense; you're free to write anything.
Tone of voice that reflects the spirit of enthusiasm, it's a good thing, but the problem is you need a little detail on the characters given. It will look more interesting. For example, for the characteristics of Darkspawn, who lives in a cave.
Also you can use punctuation for more obvious impact. As they say, it looks a little cliché. Is certainly more interesting if you could provide a fresh diction / you do own to accentuate creativity. Overall, I see the potential here! You sure have a talent
Keep it up! Kudos,cheers.
Heya DRG c:
So, I realise that this is a fanfic and I should like know the 'realm' you're talking about but whatever here I am. This is gonna be more of a comment than a review.
Okay so this flows smoothly and all and if it weren't for the fact that this is a fanfic, I would have said that it's cliched. Still, there's still room for orignality in fan fic... Like, discription and senses and things like that. What makes this world different than every other fantasy ever written?
I hope this helps xP
Cheers,
Alpha