Young Writers Society

Just a quick review before review day ends!

This sentence would be better without "it" at the end!

The magical races to the magic that dwell within it

A realm with beauty that the soul can not reach

Fantasy has always had a soft spot within my heart so I was drawn into this poem like a sucker. I enjoyed reading about how amazing this magical world is. However, that was it. Only reading, I wasn't shown. For a fantasy poem I was expecting some imagery. There was hardly any which disappointed me. The poem also lacked any real emotion and it didn't feel very powerful. Which was a real shame as this poem did have a lot of potential. Also I think I may have set my hopes far too high in expectation for this poem. But having said that I did enjoy the poem but felt that it just was lacking in a few things.

All in all the idea was good but it lack certain things that would have made it great. Nice try though, keep it up!

Hey there Grimm! Deanie here to give you a response for your review as well

I liked the idea you have in this poem. I understand that you are intending to demonstrate that you like fantasy, and in your own way bring the magic in fantasy to the reader of this poem. It's a good idea, and you express this well with your words.

I think an important part of poetry is imagery. You can add in other poetic techniques later on like alliteration and metaphors to bring more attention to important parts of the poem later. But first, since the idea of this poem is to bring a message to the reader that fantasy is great, let's build upon that visual image.

"The magical races to the magic that dwell within it" I think the repetition of magical twice here is a bit uncreative. We could put something else in here that fills in the imagery just as well. Something like the breath-holding races to the magic that dwell within it. It still captures the effect that this is something worth getting to. I also think that in this line maybe you could add a few more lines where you describe what the magic is like. Tell me about the fairies that flutter amongst the thin morning mist and the talking frogs that hum all through the night. If you add some length in here, we can get some avid detail which will help with the image.

I thought the first line was fine because it showed how fantasy affects you in a personal way.

"To the kinds who rule..." Wow, I love fantasy stories with kings in them too. It can cause all sorts of trouble, royalty and kings. Maybe mention this with a few extra lines as well. Do the kings have skulls stacked at their feet, or money? Are they brutal, kind, magical or powerful? Let the reader know a bit more here.

"Creatures whose existence is deemed impossible in reality to fit

A realm with beauty that the soul can not reach" I love these two lines simply because it tells us that these magical creatures, are so beautiful and everything around them is so gorgeous that humankind, even within their souls cannot touch them. They are above us. And it creatures such a great feeling to know that there is something mystical to enjoy beyond us.

"Fantasy is truly the most beloved object for a life

Without this great invention life would have lots of strife" Hmm you use life here twice and it would be nice to fill in the second line here with something different to have variation in the poem. I love the first line of this bit though, it again shows how much you love fantasy personally.

"Adventures come from the mind of true genius and can reside on shelves" Hmm, here maybe replace the can with later? If you put can it makes it sound like some of these adventures are insignificant, but they must all be significant in such an enchanting world. Perhaps have a few extra lines in here as well about adventure. I know you can fit a bit more in there to make the adventurous part of this poem worth endearing on. Be a bit more... adventurous with it.

All in all, it was a splendid poem. I've picked out some ways it could improve, but really, you have a great base put down here already. Best wishes with future pieces as well And once again, thanks for my comment.

Deanie x

Hi there!

This really is a serendipitous poem. I wasnt expecting this little gem when I clicked on it. I am not an avid fan of fantasy, but this poem really helps me appreciate the excitement and sense of adventure that is contained withing the pages (or pixels) of a fantasy story!

My favorite line was:

"Adventures come from the mind of true genius and can reside on shelves"

if I had any changes I'd make, perhaps I would move the line

"Dwarves who mend the earth for fun"

It has a nice ring to it, but I just feel like it jumped out of place in the flow of the poem slightly. of course, that's just my opinion (as fallible as any other may be, mind you)

All-in-all (gosh, i seem to say that every review I do) I thought it was a really fantastic work! (see what I did there?) It was inspirational and intriguing !

Hi, Cheetah here, ready to review this lovely poem.

First off, this is really good! I can definitely relate to this love for fantasy, I love it myself! If it were up to me, that'd be the only thing I'd ever write.

My favorite lines:

Creatures whose existence is deemed impossible in reality to fit

A realm with beauty that the soul can not reach

Without this great invention life would have lots of strife