z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language

The Postman Ep.3 (Negredo)

by Paracosm


Read the first episode...

Rylan stood at the threshold between the cabin's main room and the rest of the world. There was the distinct possibility he was leaving Leam's care for good. Of course, he'd be able to visit now and again, but he understood the life of a postman. He wouldn't get weekends off, he wouldn't be sleeping in his own bed at night, and he might be stationed in a far off land. But it paid well.

Leam put a weathered hand on Rylan's shoulder. "It's going to be boring around here without you getting in trouble. Now remember, head east until you reach the brook, and then follow it into Hallowed Ground. Post #147 is just outside of the opposite end of Hallowed Ground. Don't make camp in the swamp, and don't pay any tolls to bridge trolls."

"Alright," Rylan said, "I guess I'll be off then."

"Not without a hug, you little snot."

***

"Damn this rain," Vinnie said, turning up the hood of her coat. The eye-dark ran in black streaks down her cheeks. "I can't make out anything. What are we going to do, Linwood?" She jammed another round into her rifle and cocked it. Once they were within a hundred yards, she could make the shot."

Linwood paced the rails, the flames of the burning train hissed with each rain droplet. "Let's start walking into the fields. The Railguard won't pursue us; they're more likely to search for survivors. They might send the alchemist and someone else to scout for us. But the headhunters..."

Linwood started to sweat.

"Vinnie, if they catch up to us, I might have to us this." Linwood tapped the sleek black box. "I'd like to avoid that if at all possible. It's not refined yet; there are still four steps to go before it is perfect. And if we use it now, it could ruin the stone forever."

Vinnie nodded. They'd been searching for the stone for nearly six months now. She wasn't going to give it up after they'd just got it. "Alright, you run on. The Railguard will reach us first. I can set up some boobie traps for them. Once the headhunters are in range, I can snipe them out if the conditions ease up."

Linwood laughed. "I doubt it, Vinnie. That lighting strike earlier wasn't natural."

"How can you be sure?" Vinnie asked. "I haven't heard of a practitioner causing lightning."

Linwood rolled up his sleeve and showed Vinnie a black three on his wrist. "I used to work with a man, he was Thirteen. The headhunters do not go by names. Once you join the unit, you no longer exist. The Empire wipes you out, and you are given a number. The higher your number, the more skilled you are. And if you drop rank, you disappear. Thirteen is a very deadly man."

"You were Three? How many of you guys were there?"

"It's hard to say. Only the most elite individuals can become a headhunter. That's why we need to get out of here as soon as possible." Linwood said. He put the box in his back pack and removed some trips wire. "The train is too hot, it might set off explosives. Be careful and set some traps. We'll split up, you handle the Railguard, and I’ll handle the other two."

"Are you sure you can handle them on your own?"

"If I have to, I'll use the stone. We meet back here once we're finished."

"Alright."

***

Thirteen rolled up his sleeves and began to rub his palms together. He had silver disks implanted into the skin that drew out electricity from his own body. There was a coil implanted in his chest, and an artificial heart to keep him going. The surgeon who modified him was very talented to say the least. "Are you ready, Five?"

"Can't wait!" Five swung his blade over his head, practicing the strikes of his new weapon. He was used to traditional two-edged blades made in Valtura. The single-edged blades of the east were far superior, but he wasn't as familiar wielding them. It wouldn't be long before it was second nature.

Thirteen squinted off into the distance. "Looks like they are splitting up! Three is on his own, and the girl is heading down the tracks. What a coward." He laughed, Three had changed since his days as a headhunter. Was he trying to protect the woman?

"Thirteen, if he has the stone, will we give it back?"

"Of course! It belongs to the Empire!"

"But I was just thinking, after it's finished, it might make a nice sword... and it'd be a shame to see that alloy go to waste." Five said, almost bashfully. "We could just take some of it, maybe.'

"I should report you to One once this is over, you insolent fool. Do you even know what the stone is capable of? It is the prima materia, the magnum opus, it will make a man a god! That material will be able to draw from The Source directly, no side effects. It won't destroy a man's body, it won't waste energy. If that falls into the wrong hands, Valtura will not last long.

***

Rylan patted his coat pocket. The revolver was still there. It was still loaded. But he checked obsessively nearly every ten minutes. He had reached the brook, and he felt like he was getting close to Hallowed Ground, but there was smoke ahead. It came up in a plume, as if from a campfire.

Only fools and bandits camped outside of Hallowed Ground. The land was cursed; there were still traces of an ancient black practice there. Rylan felt it ebbing inside of him, dread coiling in his chest. No one lingered outside of Hallowed Ground too long; the town had its name for a reason.

The land just east of Sablebrook had rich, dark soil. Many springs bubbled up from the earth. It was almost impossible to resist the allure of such a fine land. However, there were the ruins. They lay deep in the forests and swamplands surrounding what were now Hallowed Ground. The dread came from those stones.

Legend had it that ages ago, the ancient inhabitants of Valtura held sacrifices and their priests performed black practices, drawing from The Source forcefully through another being. The sacrifice would die from the stress of having the mysterious energy pulled through him. The Source that was drawn from the sacrifice was tainted with his hatred and pain.

Rylan shook himself.

Black practice was very real, but the effects didn't linger around for ages. The founders of Hallowed Ground had performed a grounding ceremony and cleansed the area of the impurities.

But in truth, revenants were spotted every now and again. Black practitioners held rites in the forests on occasion. And the women of Hallowed Ground often gave birth to very strange children. Rylan patted his coat pocket one more time. His revolver was still there. It was still loaded. He unbuttoned his coat pocket just in case.


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166 Reviews


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Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:57 pm
Cheetah wrote a review...



Hello Paracosm! Cheetah here, ready to review your piece on this marvelous Review Day!

This was really interesting, I was hooked all the way through. Your description is amazing, you know exactly where to use just the right words. I really liked the first paragraph, it was the perfect way to start this story.

There was only a couple nit-picky things that I caught whilst reading.

What a coward." He laughed, Three had changed since his days as a headhunter. Was he trying to protect the woman?


I think it'd be better if you had a semicolon instead of a comma.

She jammed another round into her rifle and cocked it. Once they were within a hundred yards, she could make the shot."


There's a quotation mark at the end that doesn't really belong there.

Other than that this was really good! Keep writing! :)




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170 Reviews


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Sun Oct 27, 2013 7:52 pm
yubbies21 wrote a review...



Hello! The only way to describe this as is textured. It just had that certain life or death feel, like something is about to happen to end the world, like the apocalypse. Or the whole magic thing...it's very different...a new spin, especially adding the postman idea. It's just so original.

The opening line was a stroke of genius. I was instantly captivated and forced to read the rest. I couldn't have stopped if I wanted to.

This was masterful, and I could not point out anything that DodjyWriter missed.

Happy review Day!

yubbies21




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Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:43 pm
DodjyWriter wrote a review...



I'm intrigued. This was an original piece, magic and black magic etc... is an over used trait in fiction in my opinion, but you seem to be adding your own spark to it, for example, the postman idea. It reminded me of the film 'The Postman' it has as apocalyptic feel to it, which i really like. I finished it without any problems, which means i thought it was well written and the writing was simple and effective.

The opening line was brilliant. That's what made me want to read on. The same applies to the closing line.

Just a few, tiny, nitpicks. I couldn't find much wrong with it.

I take it "the brook" is a place - Should it be: 'The Brook' ?

"but the effects didn't linger around for ages." - I think 'forever' instead of "for ages" would work better.

Sorry if I can't offer much of a review, review, i couldn't find anything too wrong. I thought it was really good on the whole.

I'm confused though, i take it this is part three, but i couldn't find the other parts listed. I'd like to read more.

Keep up the writing. :)





Poetry lies its way to the truth.
— John Ciardi