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18+ Language Violence Mature Content

The Descent Chapter 4: Muscle Spasms Part 1

by D4RKR4VEN


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Full Novel Synopsis: Sequel to 'The Spiralling', itself a sequel to the Kick-Ass (2010) movie. However, this novel can be read on its own. After Big Daddy died, Mindy was driven mad, subdued by Dave, and locked away in an Institute after killing all who she deemed responsible but Dave. Will she recover? What will happen next to a New York without her nor the Motherfucker? Elements of the Kick-Ass 2 (2013) movie and comic series will be taken in.

The Descent

Chapter 4: Muscle Spasms Part 1

I told my dad everything he needed to know. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the look on his face. The man who suspected everything and anything about me in his fatherhood fears was speechless over Mindy. Sure, I was the teenager who lost his mother, the superhero wannabe who was knocked down by a car, and I was nearly killed by Mindy herself, but I was never the kid with a mental case so severe that it would necessitate a near-total brain wipe. That was what Mindy was, and even my dad was way over his head. At least in this way, we were united ever closer. A common cause, like Batman and Robin.

“So no, no pink and purple paint for her room, dad.” I said over the phone. To anybody, they were just colours, 2 shades of red. To the Mindy I knew, they were more. They were the theme for her Hit-Girl uniform, quite possibly her favourite colours. I’ve been to her old room at Marcus’ house countless times, and her old room was painted in those colours, “we need a totally different colour. Even the doctor himself ordered it.” Pink and purple brought a lot of memories up within me, Mindy’s triumph and tragedies as Hit-Girl. If it could affect me so much, I knew it would be her Kryptonite, except with an added bonus of turning her into Evil Superman.

“Okay…” I could almost hear my dad thinking. I’d gotten to know him that well, “How about baby and sky blue?” Upon hearing his suggestion, it was my turn to be speechless, but in a good way. He still had it in him after all. After giving him my positive feedback, we were done, and he’d need to go back to work, “We’ll talk more about this when I get back home, okay?”

When dad hung up I returned to Mindy’s side, grabbed a chair and just sat there, just thinking, watching her. I couldn’t bear to leave her alone – she had become so fragile, vulnerable. Yet, it was the only way, leaving Hit-Girl behind, and heralding in Mandy Lizewski. As I watched her sleep, she appeared so still that she looked deceased. I couldn’t help but to press my ear up to her mouth, to hear and feel her breathe. She was really, really exhausted.

Later…

Darkness. Cold Darkness. “Dave? Where are you? I’m scared! I’m so scared!” I cried.

People screaming, shouting. “Dave!” I shouted, no one spoke to me. I was crying, but no one spoke to me.

BAM! An explosion rang out, I can’t describe it – so loud!

“Dave!” I shouted again. I crawled into a hole. I’m so, very scared!

There were more explosions, many, many more. I couldn’t see. My ears hurt so bad!

“Get the lighter!” Someone in the darkness shouted.

“It’s got to be right over there, find the lighter!” Someone else shouted. I squeezed myself deeper into my hidey hole. I’m so scared! Sparks flying above! Tears on my face…

“I got it!” A very bad man shouted. I don’t know why he’s bad.

“NO!!!”

“TAKE COVER CHILD!!!” Explosions! They said they lit a fire, but it was still dark. I fell down, I kept falling. I don’t know where the floor was anymore. So… Scared… Falling…

“NOW SWIIIIITCH TO KRYPTONIIIIIIIIIITE!!!” Pain so much pain so much pain…

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” No no no no no! Stop please please stop! Please please please…

“NOW GO TO ROBIIIIIIIIIIIIIN’S REVEEEEEEEENNNNNGE!!!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” Please stop please stop please please please I can’t see I can’t see…

STOP!

---

Someone in the darkness shouted. I woke up with a jolt, and found myself tumbling down the chair I was sitting on. The high-pitched scream continued, and on the floor I writhed like a snake, turned so that I could see where it was coming from. By the time I saw that it was Mindy, she’d calmed down a little, or at least stopped screaming.

“Mi- Mandy! What happened!? Why are you.!?” I blurted out in panic as I held her, tried to calm her down. I never knew I had a father’s instinct within me. For a while, all she did was to sob, cry into my shoulder. I still couldn’t believe the girl I had in my arms, crying her eyes out after a nap, was Mindy Macready, or Hit-Girl, slayer of hundreds – but of course, I couldn’t call her that anymore.

“I- I was having a… a…” She finally said something, although that didn’t mean she stopped crying. For a minute or two, I was cooing her, trying to get her to calm down before I talk about my own concerns.

“Was it a nightmare? What was it about?” I completed her sentence and asked, and already, it felt like a gambit to do that, with Mindy’s mental health as the chip on the table. Upon hearing my question, she turned on like a faucet again, tears and snot and all, but managed to keep herself under control – an achievement for Mindy during this darkest age of hers.

“I don’t know. It was dark, it was-” The faucet in her turned on again, but it switched off soon after, “I-it was dark, I hear people sh-shouting, I can’t understand.”

“I can’t remember what was happening- It was so dark…” Mindy continued to describe her nightmare. I couldn’t understand heads or tails of what she was talking about. In the end, it seemed like one of those meaningless nightmares, not the kind that every protagonist in every movie and comic seem to have. She started crying again.

“It’s okay, hey, don’t think about it anymore…” I told her, trying my best to comfort her, “Go back to sleep…” I laid her back down on her bed, and begrudgingly, Mindy nodded. After she was still again, I stood up, gave myself a stretch and turned towards the window – bright light was still shining through. It couldn’t have been more than a few hours of nap the both of us had taken. When I turned towards the door, I saw that dad was there, leaning against the doorframe, rubbing his forehead, “Dad?”

“Hey son. How is she?” He asked as he was walking over, looking at Mindy over my shoulder, his wrinkles visible under the strain of his worry.

“She’s fine, just having a nightmare.” I continued stretching, talking between words. My body felt stiffer than it was supposed to be, more fresh, “What time is it? Are you early from work?”

“Actually, dawn just broke. It’s Tuesday, Dave.” What he said next sent a shock down my spine, a fully charged defibrillator.

“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears – I’d slept through Monday. Was I really that tired? Had Mindy really affected me that much? Warped me right into the future? It was my initiation into the responsibilities of an elder brother, and it felt like… the Twilight Zone. At first, I was worried about school, but Mindy was the new first.

Together, we went to work in my room, tearing down posters, boxing away merchandises and figurines, packing up comic books by the stacks. My Kick-Ass uniform was consigned to a luggage case. I had a last look before I locked it away. It was my original design, plus dad’s old security belt. Then there was the helmet and vest, which had a green and yellow paintjob, a gift from my father, and his brilliant way of revealing his secret knowledge of my activities as Kick-Ass. There were still scuffs and cut marks on it, some blood. Some of it belonged to Mindy, the rest was mine. It was the result of my last battle as Kick-Ass, the one when I finally subdued Mindy as Demoness, when her insanity had reached its peak. To this day, I couldn’t believe I managed it, especially considering the hundreds who failed before me, including Grandmaster and Michael, including Marcus, Mindy’s adoptive father, slain by Mindy in one of her episodes of insanity.

Everything was moved to the attic, to be locked away forever, or at least until Mindy was cured enough to cope. It was all for Mindy, even if it meant no more Fantastic 4s, X-Men or my choir of Batmen. All we had to do was to lock the ladder to the attic and forbid Mindy to go up, and she would be safe from their mental suggestions which, according to Doctor Paul’s opinion, could bring about a relapse. Admittedly though, I had second thoughts about sticking my Kick-Ass stuff up there. Over the years, they’d grown to be an irremovable part of me.

Even as I was grieving over Mindy’s continued insanity, being locked away in an asylum, I was still out on patrols, albeit very irregularly, and it wasn’t for fighting crime either. Somehow, in some way, it helped, if only a little, to be out there walking the walk. It gave me the illusion of doing something. As crime rate was at an all-time low, what with the fall of the D’Amico empire for good due to Demoness’ self-carved path of destruction, there wasn’t a lot of action back then, just an odd purse-snatcher or flasher. Most of the requests coming through the internet were either issues brought out of proportions (like a break-up) or something illegal or criminal (such as a hit-man contract).

In the end, it was all for the best. Kick-Ass – no more.

An hour later…

When Mindy woke up again, it wasn’t the next day on Wednesday, just an hour after she jumped from her nightmare. It makes sense, after all, how long could a kid sleep? Not to mention the nightmare. I knew I wouldn’t really feel like tucking in after one, and I can’t imagine being in her shoes, being confused, afraid, not even remembering who you were, being in a house you don’t know with a guy you just met. Then throw in the nightmare after that.

When she woke up I had to take her to the bathroom – she’d yet to learn her way around home. For clothes, we couldn’t give her the same ones she had back at Marcus’. Dad did some shopping after his shift ended, and bought a few sets of free-sized kiddy skirts and shirts.

“Know how to brush your teeth?” It sounded like a stupid question to ask, but with Mindy, I could never be too sure anymore. She couldn’t even pronounce her own name right the previous morning. For the moment it came tumbling out of my mouth, I thought it would offend her.

“Yes…” But the good doctor had taken that out of her as well. I remembered his words well, ‘With the right chemicals and procedures I managed to wipe away most, if not everything that was violent.’ Somehow, I’d prefer her to snap back at me. ‘You wanna know what I know? I sure know how to bust your teeth, prick!’ Was somehow what I preferred. Crazy, I know.

“Okay. Great.” It felt so awkward, but at least Mindy didn’t know. In fact, I was actually worried she won’t know what ‘awkward’ actually means, “Well, your clothes are over there, and here’s your towel, and…” I went on ahead to switch on the faucet over the bathtub for her – shoot me for being overprotective, but if you think I am, you’re so totally right. The faucet can’t be beyond her, but it was just me being new to taking care of someone. Heck, I could barely even take care of myself, even as Kick-Ass, “Yell if you need anything.”


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Thu Mar 05, 2015 2:20 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello, Dark Raven!

Alright, so there's this one accident that's always, always, always being mentioned, but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what's happened. So, yes, this is fanfiction of a movie I have not seen. But, it's always mentioned about the time that Mandy tried to kill Dave and how she became this Demonness and all that. But it's never shown exactly what happened there, or what happened to set this into action - or even to end his super hero career as it seems. Every single part its mentioned. And every single part I'm left in the dark. I recommend you try to find a way to add this in somehow. (Car? What? o.o)

...just colours, 2 shades of red.


So here, I really had to stop and think and be like, "How are these both red?" And yes, it makes sense after I stop and think about it, but shades of red are usually associated with things like crimson or scarlet, more reddish rather than being a mix of red. I'd think it would be best to just cut this out.

Whoa. That middle part. I can get the feeling that its of Mindy thinking about things, perhaps even an old memory, but its really abrupt and well... interesting. I can see the purpose that you had to make it choppy and confusing, but it seems like immature writing, having all the caps, extra exclamation points and the breaks with ellipses just makes it overused and sort of sore to my eyes. Not really a big fan of that. Perhaps you could clean it up some.

I'm also not sure how I like then it suddenly switches back. If we're going to have a perspective with Mandy/Mindy, then why not show us some of the fear from her own perspective when Dave comes in to comfort her. We could see how she's starting to warm up to him again. Maybe even raise some suspicion? Just seems like we were given the prospect of something really cool and then it was snatched away before we could experience it.

It's really sweet seeing Dave trying really hard to be there for Mandy and doing whats best for her, even if its kind of tearing up his life in its wake, but hey. Things like that happen. Further on, the back-story presented was really cool, showing us more glimpses into Dave's past life, but it also rises up so many other questions. What was this Empire? What actually happened to it? Just other things.

Warning, be careful not to be too ambiguous xD Fan-fiction or no, there's still going to have to be that extra element of world building and introducing the back story of everyone. So, I'd like to see more of that.

Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~




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Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:57 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Allo again. Bored of me yet? :P

A bit of a longer chapter to review here. I've been reviewing this as I go along, so excuse the unorganized review. All the grammar and the story comments will be muddled into together.

I couldn’t even begin to imagine the look on his face.


Okay, I'm being *really* picky here, but I think your story needs to be looked at with a close eye. Most things are good so we break it down and look at the minor details instead which can lead to a perfect story. This line bothered me because we didn't know he was on the phone to his dad, and not telling him face to face. So my first thought was, you don't need to imagine his look, you're seeing it right now! But then I soon realized he was on the phone. Please clarify it's a phone call before this line. It can be something small like: I dialled dad's number or something.

and he’d need to go back to work, “We’ll talk more


No comma, a full stop after work instead. Remember not to run on those sentences.

to hear and feel her breathe.


Within context, this should be breath, not breathe.

I’m so, very scared!


So, this bit was within the dream. Here we understand that Mandy is confused and scared. With this line, it sounds a bit out of character, unrealistic, and it's stating the obvious. Please do cut it and fill it with something a bit more Mandy-like. Seeing as she's a dainty little girl now, maybe she's shaking and hugging her knees. Already that movement shows she's scared with saying that she's scared.

but Mindy was the new first.


I did not know what you meant with this line... clarify?

Hmm, so now if I think back I noticed that Dave's dad said sure, we can adopt Mandy. And then as soon as she leaves the institute, she's in his care. Filing for an adoption can take a long time and the child should not be with the adoptee until it's all done. My suggestion is if you go back to the previous chapter, when Dave's dad says, yeah, we can adopt her, perhaps thrown in a quick comment like: I've been talking to Doctor Paul about it for a while. It's all tied up with legal stuff and all. Just so we know, it's alright and everything. Keeps the story realistic :)

The dream section was very clever. I think I see what you were trying to do. I took it as though you put Mandy in one of Mindy's memories, and we can see how she would react now. Not only does this demonstrate the large character change and how she would act now, it also hints at the idea that Mindy's old memories are not completely lost. And that can build up an interesting plot twist in the future.

Poor Dave has to pack away all his comic things, which he loves so much :( It just goes to show how much he must care about Mindy, and what he's willing to sacrifice. Perhaps he can still go up there sometimes? It's not like the attic is a different world :P

For the moment it came tumbling out of my mouth


I think you mean from.

Okay, so these first chapters have drawn us the starting picture. Mandy isn't herself anymore, she's changed. Dave cares for her, enough to rub out things he loves in his life, like his comics. I think we have enough of a ground basis now, it's time for you to start the story, or enter some plot weaving into this. I'm looking for some excitement.

I'm off to church for the time being, but will continue with these chapters when I come back. Best wishes!

Deanie x




D4RKR4VEN says...


Thanks man. While I do not agree with some things, I agree with most of the things you said. Especially the part about the adoption. Darn! I guess my hand slipped there! Because the way I imagined it going on is that the paperwork behind Mindy's adoption was already done for the year she was in Jameson. I guess I forgot to put that in or something, and made the mistake of assuming the reader would know. !!! Well, that's one major thing to change when I'm done writing the chapters further down.



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Fri Oct 18, 2013 3:32 pm
whitewolfpuppy wrote a review...



Hey there! :D Review time, ha-

Comments
Love the chapter, though there was one big crazy thing. The nightmare thing? That I think should be italicized and not so much spaced. I get you are trying to make it very real, you are doing a great job but I would add detail to it. Say, describe the kind of explosions, the men who are yelling, what she is wearing, her thoughts through the dream, her feelings and with that you can describe how she is feeling along with the pain mixed in. They are good emotions that you can really settle down into and give detail about. This review is a bit big because I quoted the whole nightmare because of the different style you are using. I would change it up a bit, take out the dots that are separating the lines and add the commas! :O Ha- so just minor things is all.

That was what Mindy was,

I don't know if I would of used "was" in between "that" and "what" I think you might change it to "is"? Maybe, just depends on how it sounds.

Darkness. Cold Darkness. “Dave? Where are you? I’m scared! I’m so scared!” I cried.

People screaming, shouting. “Dave!” I shouted, no one spoke to me. I was crying, but no one spoke to me.

BAM! An explosion rang out, I can’t describe it – so loud!

“Dave!” I shouted again. I crawled into a hole. I’m so, very scared!

There were more explosions, many, many more. I couldn’t see. My ears hurt so bad!

“Get the lighter!” Someone in the darkness shouted.

“It’s got to be right over there, find the lighter!” Someone else shouted. I squeezed myself deeper into my hidey hole. I’m so scared! Sparks flying above! Tears on my face…

“I got it!” A very bad man shouted. I don’t know why he’s bad.

“NO!!!”



“TAKE COVER CHILD!!!” Explosions! They said they lit a fire, but it was still dark. I fell down, I kept falling. I don’t know where the floor was anymore. So… Scared… Falling…





“NOW SWIIIIITCH TO KRYPTONIIIIIIIIIITE!!!” Pain so much pain so much pain…





“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” No no no no no! Stop please please stop! Please please please…





“NOW GO TO ROBIIIIIIIIIIIIIN’S REVEEEEEEEENNNNNGE!!!”



“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!” Please stop please stop please please please I can’t see I can’t see…

STOP!



---

Okay..... What is happening? Is this a dream or what? If so, alright. You are missing a lot of punctuation here. The commas between the multiple pleases and what not. I'll get back to you on this one. Have to think it out before I find a way to suggest to you.


Over all
Again, nothing big just some minor details to attend to. I would really do those descriptions about the different emotions she feels through the dream. Make it sound unbelievable yet it is still happening as a part of her memory. You know? Makes it a lot more entertaining. :) Thank you for your time and my long reviews. I know they are boring, ha- Keep on writing!
~Knight Onyx




D4RKR4VEN says...


Alright, I like your comment on the dream sequence. :) I was hoping to use the form and lack of narrative detail to create a state of confusion, dream-like quality as well as the kind of amnesia we tend to experience after waking up from a nightmare. We also have the added bonus of Mindy's own amnesiac psyche. But you might be right about balancing just how far we should deviate from conventions.

Also, don't worry, your reviews aren't boring. I'm more worried about me being boring! :D




You can, you should, and if you’re brave enough to start, you will.
— Stephen King