this was actually a song and a poem in one try to think of a beat and slowly go with it. 8)
I herd the whispers go around,
but I didn't dare make a sound,
hoping and wishing that they were not true,
but I guess i just underestimated you,
cause soon all my heart,
all wrapped in chains,
slashed with your sword of hate,
of of my feelings,
all of my life,
slowly slipped out,
no longer in light,
you don't realize,
what you do to me,
you torn me apart,
I used to be whole,
but know i'm losing my soul,
everyday after this,
my heart was just a myth,
an emptniess full and dark,
I realized I was lost,
but peopl keep on causing this pain,
and it never ever goes away,
and people don't know their hurting you till it's too late
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hey!!
WOW this is an exceptionally good poem!! seriously, I really liked it. The chosen topic is very realistic and coherent. I could really relate to the poem and you hooked me till the end. I loved how you evolved around the subject using personification and onomatopoeia. Your writing is really good since it enables the reader to visualize your descriptions with all the vivid imagery.
I really loved the whole poem and I do not exaggerate. I am just giving my personal opinion. The last verse captured my heart more than the others, 'people don't know their hurting you till it's too late'
Negative points: Check for grammatical mistakes since I've encountered a few while I was reading. Eg. 'their' in the last verse should be 'they're'.
Apart from that well done
-from me
Hey there artofthepen15
WOW! This is an amazing poem
I loved it
This is a very good piece but you MUST go through it on more time and fix the typos. And man, there are a lot of typos.
In the first line, it says "herd" instead of "heard"
You didn't the "I"s capitalize in the 4th and 16th line.
The 14th line says, "You torn me apart". It is grammatically incorrect. It should be "tore".
In the 19th line it's "emptieness" instead of "emptiness".
In the 21st line, the "people" is missing an "e".
Other than the typos, the poem is well crafted
Keep up the good job
~Gigi
The Messenger Knight here to review for your today, and for my KotGR.
OK, so you don't have i capitalized every time that it is speaking about yourself. This is a must. Cheetah pointed out the typos I saw, so I'll skip to the rest of the poem.
1.Your rhyming . . . I couldn't keep a rhythm going. It rhymed, and then it didn't, and then it was every two lines that it rhymed, and then you brought it back to rhyming every two lines together. Aah . . . it really threw me off a bunch.
2.Your descriptions and metaphors were very well done, and I enjoyed them immensely. I think the rhyming is the only thing that really dampened this poem. I would consider revision on that part.
Other than those two things I don't have much else to say except that I did really lik this poem and thought it was well done.
Keep it up!
Hi artofthepen15, Cheetah here, ready to review!
Okay, this was pretty good, I liked your choice of words and this poem is well written. There were a few small things, but those can easily be changed.
In the first line I noticed you misspelled the word "heard". It was spelled "herd" instead. This is just a small thing that can easily be changed.
The word "I" is left uncapitalized in the fourth line. Also, the word "I'm" was uncapitalized in the eighth to last line.
The word "people" was missing the "e" on the end of it. I do small spelling errors like these all the time, so this is really minor.
The last thing I noticed is that the rhyming is on and off in different places. This is a little bit confusing to me, so I recommend turning it to all or nothing.
This really was good! Just clean up the little mistakes and you'll have a wonderful poem! Great job and keep writing!