Despite my strength
And overall smile
I've been losing a battle
A few reasons
I'm losing myself
In others shadows
Doing their bidding
Instead of my own
I can't break away
The grip is too strong
I disappoint
And grow apart each day
The more I struggle
The farther I sink
Getting back up
Isn't as easy as you think
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138,730 Literary Works • 672,262 Reviews
This is a good poem and do you know why? (You probably do, but oh well.) It's because you expressed your own thoughts in a somewhat-lyrical form. I love poetry because it is such a good way to get one's thoughts down on paper. I can really relate to this poem and I like how simple and short it is.
There should be an apostrophe at the end of "other", so "others'" (it is possessive.)
I like your rhyme scheme and the ending is simple, but deep
Keep expressing yourself through poetry!
Thank you for the critique! I'm glad you could get the message I was trying to get through.
I love your poem! It reminds me of myself. The whole piece comes together so well! If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me.
This is really good! when I read this, I felt as if I could almost feel that pain you described. I actually can relate to this, for I was Just in a place like that, and you described it to a tee. It was wonderful to read and I really think you did an awesome job.
Hi Daring, have a good day!
I enjoy your writing style. It was short but diction used is accurate and interesting. Just a few thing here is that you need to add some punctuation in some lines to make it flow smoothly when the reader read it.
These is my favorite lines. Just because it is a fact of life. Not easy to get up but so easy to fall! sentence structure is easy to understand and seemed to have clichés but I still applaud the way you arrange the sentences in this poem to enable it to convey an important messages.
Overall, good poem! Keep it up.
Kudos,cheers
I like this piece a lot. You've made it powerful in a short amount of time. Here are some of the things I like, and also what I may consider revising!
What I liked:
"In others shadows
Doing their bidding
Instead of my own."
I find this line strong and relatable, and the way you get it across is interesting with the mention of shadows. Its overall quite dark.
I also like the line "I disappoint" its so short but very powerful, especially given that it is shorter than the other lines, causing the reader to pause on it and really take it in.
To consider Revising:
The line "A few reasons" seems a little bit out of place, and I find it breaks up the flow. You may want to consider changing it just slightly to make it better fit the rhythym.
Also, I think it would be interesting to have a little more to it in general. If you were to extend it, you may also be able to incorporate more references to the title "Drowning."
Overall though it is a great poem and I enjoyed it as a whole.