z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

You Take My Breath Away

by GigiHarris


A/N: Everyone is beautiful and if you think that no one likes you, remember there is always someone who actually likes you more than you could ever know :)

By the way, I tried a lot of times but this is not the way it looked in my draft. :/ So I gave the hyphens to separate the stanzas.

PS. I suck at writing songs/poetry and I know my vocabulary in poetry is horrible.

--

You got your heart broken again, I know it hurts

But honey, someday you’re gonna break a lot of hearts

And I know that mine’s gonna be one of them

Do you know that my heart stops when you look at me?

Do you know that you’re more beautiful than anyone could ever be?

You’re perfect the way you are, always stay the same

You can do everything your way

Honey, don’t you care about what they say,

‘Cause at the end of the day,

You’re the one who takes my breath away

--

(Chorus)

You’re not just another guy,

You’re the brightest star in the night sky

You know all the right things to say

Even though sometimes it’s just “Hey”

Everything you do is right

When you shine, you’re the light

That burns brighter than all the others out there

But it’s the brightest in my heart, right here

-

My heart goes crazy when you talk to me

I only wish that you could see

All I need, everything I feel

With you, everything feels so real

When you run your hand through your hair

I’m enchanted, all I do is stare

My world lights up when you smile

I wish you’d stay around more than just awhile

--

--

When they boast, you don’t think you have anything to say

But honey, someday you’re gonna blow their minds away

You can be everything if you just believe in yourself

Do you know that everything about you is perfect?

Do you know that if we could be together, it’ll be worth it?

This is just a daydream but I can’t help myself

When your beautiful eyes look into mine,

My heart skips a beat

You open your mouth to speak to me and I

Forget what it feels like to breath

--

(Chorus)

You’re just so beautiful,

I can’t take my eyes off you

You’re just so wonderful,

You’re everything I need to fall into

Baby you’re just so amazing

Baby you’re just that mesmerizing

That I can’t even speak when I’m near you

And leave untold everything that I always wanted to

-

You’re flawless in every way

You are the reason I smile everyday

You really should know that you’re not just something

You’re everything, everything

How could you not see something so obvious?

It’s almost as if you’re playing oblivious

Maybe with this song I've got your hopes up

Promise me that no matter what, you’ll never give up

--

(Bridge)

They just act cool because every one of them is jealous of you

I wish you knew that all they want to be is you

Well, I don’t blame them because anyone would want to

Maybe I’m one of them too but what I want more is you

--

(Chorus)

You’re beautiful smile makes me melt inside

When you said that you’re in love again, a part of me died

‘Cause I know that it’s not me

I know that you will never see

But I can’t stop myself from smiling

I feel lighter thinking,

That maybe this time you’re gonna be the one breaking hearts

Every girl in front of you is just a house of cards

--

You’re not just another guy,

You’re the brightest star in the night sky

You’re just so beautiful

You’re just so wonderful

Do you know that everything you do is right?

Do you know that you burn with the brightest light?

Do you know that someday those three words from you,

Will be any girl’s dream come true?

I won’t ever tell you I love you

You should know that at the end of the day,

You take everyone’s breath away


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38 Reviews


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Reviews: 38

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Tue Dec 17, 2013 3:09 pm
ErinYount wrote a review...



Hi.

I liked the piece. I won't say, honestly, that it "took my breath away", but it felt really good.

So, the best lines first:
"Honey, don’t you care about what they say,

‘Cause at the end of the day,

You’re the one who takes my breath away"


"You’re everything I need to fall into"


"How could you not see something so obvious?

It’s almost as if you’re playing oblivious"


"When you said that you’re in love again, a part of me died

‘Cause I know that it’s not me

I know that you will never see"


i hope you will take it as a compliment if I say your piece resembles so much to Taylor Swift songs. It really does.

There is an obvious rhyme scheme, a flow, and most importantly, a distinct style.
Though at place it felt like it had gotten a little repetitive, but I guess that works, because the main motive is to express all kinds of deep love, somehow, and repetition is a good way to do so.

Keep writing!

-Erin




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17 Reviews


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Mon Dec 16, 2013 5:27 pm
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AshStyles22 wrote a review...



If you're a guy, please dedicate this song to me! I love it, after I came here, it's the best thing I've read until now. No one ever dedicated me a song, they just say they love me. Argh. Whatever, my fave lines were,
"My heart goes crazy when you talk to me

I only wish that you could see

All I need, everything I feel

With you, everything feels so real

When you run your hand through your hair

I’m enchanted, all I do is stare

My world lights up when you smile

I wish you’d stay around more than just awhile"


And guess what, it was really difficult to choose my fave lines. Do you mind if I post this in my blog? Don't worry, I'll put your name. Please follow me back because I really want to know if you updated any more poems or songs. 10/10...way more than that. :)




GigiHarris says...


OMG Thank you. <3 That just made my day. <3



AshStyles22 says...


You're most welcome darling. If people don't make my day, I make theirs. :)



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99 Reviews


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Tue Dec 10, 2013 8:58 pm
smile wrote a review...



hey there i looved your song but i would make some changes like ...


You’re not just another guy,


You’re the brightest star in the night sky


no no .....its not a lie


You know all the right things to say


Even though sometimes it’s just a simple “Hey”


also the line before the last one to ...........You should know that at the end of everyday




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394 Reviews


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Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:18 am
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KnightTeen wrote a review...



Hello, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to review.

Now, I'm not trying to offend you, but I thought that this was a little cheesy. Which is good, because I love cheesy. Except when I'm watching Mad Monster Party. That's to much cheesy for anyone to handle.

But, that was just my first impression. I thought that you wrote this very well, and that you had a good rhythm thanks to nice stanzas and line breaks.

I think that you might have overused rhyme, and that adds to the cheesiness factor.

Your grammar however, was very good. Your vocabulary was excellent.

There was one thing that I would like to mention, however.

All I need, everything I feel

With you, everything feels so real


Saying the word, "feel," so close together twice feels a little weird. I think that yo should find a synonym for the word and swap one of them out for the synonym.

I liked this a lot. Keep writing!

KT




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193 Reviews


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Reviews: 193

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Sun Nov 03, 2013 7:36 pm
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Niraco wrote a review...



I tend not to read lyrical poetry but I should start, hence why I am here. Since I am not good at really dissecting lyrical poetry I am going to tackle this as a poem alone. I found this to be somewhat uplifting and makes a nice change for the vast amount of somber poems I tend to read. That being said I did also find it very generic and lacked any real emotion behind it. I also thought that it could have used some imagery like metaphors of smilies. All in all an okay piece of writing that was just not quiet amazing. Good job though and happy writing!





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