Bound dawn to dusk,
Witnessing all beginnings and ends,
We are everlastingly entwined from birth to death,
Granting one wish to one thousand woes,
You are my sweet Iago,
Time – friend or foe?
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Beautiful~ Sure it was short but it was beautifully written. ^-^ Great job ryanrochford. Wish I could make poems like this. ^^' Sadly I can not. But enough about me~ Good job, it reminds me of friendship, especially some of mine...Some of my 'friends' turned out being my foe, but to this day I will always have my true friends. Keep up the good work~
This is a really nice poem, it is a good subject that you question: Is time a friend or foe? The only suggestion I would make is for the last line:
Time-friend or foe.
If you put this into two lines it would give more impact to Time. I really like your reference to Shakespeare's Iago, describing time as a friend while tricking you at the same time. Keep up the good work!
Thank you i have taken this on board.
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical:
This should probably end with a period.
As should:
Both of those are the ends of complete thoughts, and need to be blocked as such.
Also, when I read this, I was expecting you to pattern the syllables in a symmetrical pattern. That is, you have the first and last line matching, and then the second and fifth are close (so are the middle two). But they're just off beat wise. So I don't know if you would consider revising.
Regardless, welcome to YWS! Hope you enjoy the site.
And I hope that was helpful.
Thank you for the advice i will try out some different things with this poem now!
Very short, precise, and comprehensive . It touched my heart, and it's thought provoking
Great job
Thank you!:)