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Young Writers Society



Sorry....

by Gravity


Accidental Publish

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363 Reviews

Points: 28237
Reviews: 363

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Wed Oct 09, 2013 1:53 am
DreamWork wrote a review...



Hi defyingravity01,DK here with review on your poem!

A simple poem but certainly full of implied meanings. The tone and rhythm are perfect and I can read smoothly without wondering how to recite this poem.It's enthralling, until makes me wonder who the person that force you to eat even if you're not hungry. Can you give some clues? I remember I was thinking about the culture of( I don't remember that much) the 'more you fatter, the more beautiful you are (Especially women). Obese people also showed images of wealth and dignity.Remind me if Im wrong ;)

You scream at me,
To eat some food
But I am not
Hungry.

Is it your mom?
Overall,good job!A nice and sad poem to read.Keep it up.
Kudos,cheers.






Thanks. And yeah, it was my Mom. A few weeks ago I went to the doctor's office and the dr. said if I kept gaining weight, I would eventually get type 2 diabetes. So I've been cutting back on food, and realized that a lot of times when I think I'm hungry, I'm really not. My mom had been yelling at me to eat. I'm not obesely overweight, I just have to cut back. Does this help?



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20 Reviews

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Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:47 am
TegaEdais says...



Simple piece of work,yet mind blowing.i couldn't ask for more(mayb i do,but its ok).






Thanks :)



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88 Reviews

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Wed Oct 09, 2013 12:23 am
whitewolfpuppy wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm Onyx from the Knights of the Green Room and I will be reviewing your poem today. :)

Comments
Great job with the poem! You keep a good style throughout the poem, it is not all over the place. I like how you keep it uniform when you add " But I am not Hungry. " At the end of the each of the verses or phrases. So here is a thing I would like to point out, just an opinion of mine.

You tell me that
I have to eat.
But I am not
Hungry.

This is a great opening but it does not, in my opinion, bring the reader into your poem.

Over all
Like I said before, you did a great job over all with everything. It was uniform and neat. It is not very hurtful on the eyes. It is in nice phrases and everything is about 4 lines which add to the uniform parts! If you need anything else, feel free to send me a message on my profile. If you need anything else reviewed, you can send me a message as well. If you have a question about what I changed or added, feel free to send me a private message. Thank you so much for your time and keep on writing!
~Knight Onyx





"Yesterday you said tomorrow, so JUST DO IT."
— Shia Labeouf